The risk of losing almost everyone you knew so far is one of those situations I guess. This is a real risk if you live in a conservative community.

You should never feel pressured to come out. It is your decision and yours alone. And honestly, there's never any real need to actually come out to your family… Especially if you think that it could put you in physical danger (and knowing the strict nature of orthodox Muslim communities, it almost certainly would). I would just say to instead work on building your individual financial situation up to the point where you could become 100% independent if you need to be, and then disconnect yourself from their influence entirely. Then you can come out to them if you really want them to know, but frankly, if you know they're going to react extremely negatively to it, then I would just say don't. I've never had any intention to come out to my extended family because I know the reaction will be very bad, so I basically just did what I described to you and I've never felt more free.

haven't ur closed friend ever notice something is "different" about you？ i mean. my friends will joke about my coming out…  in a tentative way.. but never press too hard

Yeah ,i am in that situation. I try not to flaunt it in my parent's friends, but otherwise, i am open.

From my topic…“Poll: Discrimination--Abuse and You” - https://community.gaytor.rent/index.php?topic=46788.0 “…it was quite surprising who the shit-head was that did these things, in that it was a “friend”--a couple of years older than me, and someone I had known for about 10 years at that time. We even shared an apartment together for a brief period. The really bizarre thing about what he did was that he did these things at all! After hearing the rumor about me and Bobby, which was going around the department where the three of us worked, he asked Bobby about it--later coming to me, and I confirmed the rumor. The little chat ended with him saying something like, “Well, don’t make yourself a stranger.” The next thing I hear coming out of his mouth--only a couple of hours later--while I’m doing some work in a room a few doors down from where this dickhead worked, I heard this soft shout going down the hall… “Hey everybody, there’s a homosexual in room …” (I think was the term he used, and I forget what the room number was of the lab I was working in)--anyway, this dick is repeating “Hey everybody, there’s a homosexual in room…” Can you imagine that? In his mid-20’s--at his place of work, in a stock room, on a floor shared with labs and offices, occupied with grad students, professors, and whoever else, all in the Chemistry Department of the College of Chemistry, at the University of California, at Berkeley--and shouting that down the hall. I mean really…was it that big of a deal to him (or anyone else for that matter) that he would raise such a commotion? That’s definitely got to be someone with a pretty fucked-up set of priorities, if you ask me. Over the next couple of weeks, after work there would be little clippings on the windshield of my car, offering “Homosexual Counseling” clipped from the school paper. He also came to my apartment complex, once spray-painting “Fag” on my car door, and doing it twice on my apartment door--the first one only needed some scrubbing to remove, while the second time, I actually had to paint the door. Yeah, obviously it was that big of a deal to him. What a nut!”

do it when you r financially independent

This is the worst part of it all…when everybody already knows or at least suspects something and you spent so much time in your head brooding over it. This is good family/friend time wasted so come out rather sooner than later if the coast seems clear.

My best friend is gay as well. He came out to me but I somehow missed the window of opportunity to return the favour, maybe I was just too shy at the time. So a couple of weeks later I mustered up the courage and decided to tell him in person. In the following weeks I tried everything humanly possible to meet up with him but he was quite busy and used to be flaky sometimes too. So when I finally thought I managed to nail him down for a meeting and went to his house he wasn't there. He lost track of time and got stuck in traffic somewhere. By the time I was so pissed off that I just sent him a text message saying something along the lines of "Screw you for standing me up again. I am gay too btw."His reply? "Oh crap, I am SO sorry."

yeah I think you are right

thanks guys for all your stories, and suggestions, I came out to my best friend, he felt weird at first, but things are better now next step, my parents, wish me luck

@Dremric: My folks are quite concervative and sometimes it's better just to calm the waters than to start up a hurricane.  Especially if it's already choppy waters. I'm going to be evil and say this specially if you do not live with them, 'cause it needs to be said' if they give you a hurricane hit them harder with armageddon full scale, it all depends on the particular issue, but if someone comes barking telling me they are bad I might stand on my ground and give them the 'hell-ride with every bonus cast' and some people only learn to respect you that way, because they get the scare that they can't fuck up with you without consequences overweighting whatever they think they might gain…

Well I haven't come out yet and I am past 30. I live in a small country in a small town and a small village all together. The financial shit going in my country left us all without jobs. I had to go back to living in my parents' house. They are the most backward people on the planet given the fact we are not a 3rd world country (yet). These people are illiterate and mocking whatever they do not understand. They  probably know I am different and they pretend I am going to get self-fixed one day when I am forcing myself to get married, they even think that if I go out with girls I will be a macho man and start being "normal". I really wait the day that I will be able to get out of this home and never return, not for my sexuality but because these people are energy vampires, they drain every point of energy you might have with negativity. So how is life… well no dating, just porn during night, being the most friendly person on the village, people who never spoke to me probably talk behind my back (I heard a few do that). Every time I find out a person talks about me being "weird" I try to somehow talk to them in an irrelevant time and way and they they automatically have only good things to say about me. I guess being a true person and a good guy helps. Nobody has  a problem with someone that is humble (like I think I am). How do I see the future? I am never going to get married and although I would love to have children I know it is impossible since getting with a woman is out of question. It is almost funny and sad at the same time when everyone "knows" but nobody actually knows I am not normal. I dress normally, I am rather good looking, I no longer talk in an effeminate way, I no longer stand like a girl (when I was a teen it was drop dead obvious, now I am a little bit less aware of myself thus I became something like a null person). Heck after 22nd birthday I even started having a beard instead of a feathery fuzz. I am also open minded, I never feel offended when someone talks bad about me. I learned that people who talk about you have a lot to hide and they feel insecure. There is NOTHING better than being self assured. When they see that their words do not affect you they lose their power, it is like I have magical powers on stupid and bad people. I once had a weird conversation with a man in the village, he kept talking about weird and bad behaviors, he kept mentioning "faggots" and gays and such as degenerates. At some points I thought he wanted to make a point for me as if he wanted to talk to me about being weird myself and how I should fix it or something (as if it is fixable), but he was looking me into my eyes as if he was trusting me so, he was talking to me as if I was the center of attention and that whatever he said was being said only to say something... I almost thought he wanted to see my thoughts on it and then he would come out or something himself as gay in the closet who is secretly in love with me, hahahaha I still remember that, I told him I have no problem with anyone and whatever they do in their bed is none of my business. And I didn't defend the gays or anything so I never gave him any real answer to see his reaction. I do not even remember how this night ended, he was also a little drunk, who knows. The thing is that until this day I never understood what he wanted to say that night, and probably never will. He is also not falling into the type of men I fantasize about, so why would I bother. He is divorced with two adult children, he is like 35 years older than me or something, fairly good looking and tall, drinks a lot and smokes which I loath. I have like a gazilion stories to say, I already spammed this thread with my nonsense though. Anyway, I always felt that it would have been better if I was born a straight guy or a straight girl. Being gay even in an open minded society is not as easy. Having normal sex is impossible (the anus is not a reproductive organ, lets be real) and you will never be able to have children with the person you fall in love with. You need a donor woman for her eggs, then a surrogate mother to be pregnant with your kid and then have to spend the rest of your life explaining why there are two men in the family. I would never commit suicide over my sexuality obviously. But if I could take a sexuality pill and turn myself straight I would probably do it. P.S. I never had sex in my life and never will at this pace. I feel disgusted to think of a woman and I can only fantasize about porn actors and that is it. If I get close to a man I get the same nausea I get with girls (if not more). There was a time a homosexual approached me and I remember I became worse than the worst homophobic guys. I do not know if it was a self defense reaction or that I really cannot be close to any human being without feeling sick. I guess I am a theoretical homosexual and a practical asexual. And now allow me to shut up.

in small societies it is much more harsh to live as an out-of-the-closet gay man.I would suggest not being so open about it, so you are more carefree, regarding society that is.

I also wonder if the world is around long enough (provided Trump doesn't blow it up) if race will still exist or if eventually we are all just so mixed that we are just all the same color.

You are lucky in that you were always able to be yourself. But I can relate to not having a "dramatic" coming out myself. I didn't make an huge emotional announcement at a family gathering. What I did was change the status on my myspace page (remember myspace?) to : Gay. that's how I came out. My reasoning was, it's on the internet for the whole world to see. I wasn't hiding it from anyone. Now, some of my gay friends think I "cheated" in coming out that way. I don't know. I do understand not being able to relate to folks who had to do it another way. Now, things were a little awkward for a while after that as I wasn't quite sure who knew or noticed or what. My family never really talked about it after. Maybe they were picking up on my sense of uncomfortability, not so much with my gayness, but in maybe not knowing how to talk about it with them. I do know my sister saw it and told my mom and that's how my mom found out (but I think she already had suspicions from the time she caught me watching gay porn on the family computer). I was living with my dad at the time, and I think he kinda had a clue at that point. Was it a cop out? Maybe. But i'm not one for big dramatic moments and I hate it when things are all about me. I just want to live my life as quietly and drama free as possible.

Guys, this is Hollywood we're talking about. A place where almost everyone are basically bisexual/pansexual. Really. I've had some friends who have access to celebrity parties and exclusives events like hangouts and etc (in my country ofc), and these showbiz people will hit on people of the same gender as quick as they hit on the opposite.  ::)

The first person I wanted to tell was my best friend. Eventually I was pretty nervous that day, so I gave a call to another friend of mine who was identifying as a lesbian back then, then also came out as a trans. I told them first, and they made me feel really comfortable. On that same day, in the evening, I told my best friend. Her reaction: "Dude, do you think I couldn't tell?" :funny2: :funny2: :funny2: :funny2:

It's something that is worth careful consideration. It should only be done when you're sure about it, and only to the people you choose. No one else generally has the right to decide that for you. If you're in a position where it might put you in serious danger, don't do it. Don't do it to people you have reason to believe would react badly (and again, might put you in danger) – but in the case of friends and people you're going to be around for the foreseeable future, it's worth thinking about. If people drift away from you because of your orientation, you're better off without them. Coming out is one of those things that I don't think needs to be to everyone, no matter what. Some people will never accept it and won't deal well with it, and it will just upset you, them, and could put you into danger. But I do think it's important to be visible and to let people know that in fact they are around gay people, that we are not an invisible population, and that we have every right that they do, to pursue love and enjoy life. And perhaps most importantly, that we have no intention of being silent or invisible or going back into the closet, or staying in there – even if some never "come out" per se, they can still go to the "gay ghetto" or a club and be themselves, and they should be able to realistically expect that. The gay community is not perfect, and there are widely varying opinions of it, and widely varied ways of people living in it or leading it. You'll find your niche somewhere and, at the very least, the community does tend to come together to protect its own in the worst scenarios. It doesn't necessarily always support its own though, and you can't always count on any community to help unless you know that specific community very well. But I do think coming out, at least to some people, will make things much easier. I do believe it's worth it, for a number of reasons, and I do think it's important to know people enough to know whether or not they can be relied upon in the long run. If you're going to call someone friend, they had better be willing to stand by you, and you deserve to know that for sure.

I am still thinking of coming out, but I did told my mom about it it was full of tears and feeling sorry for me , yayks