@yababylol: @yuibla: And How much risk does it have on their career and reputation? This is the only part of your post I feel like I can comment on, but it's in the form of a question – why the worry about taking an alias? The fact that you're concerned at all tells that you have anxiety with using your real name. Here's a fact -- eventually, even an alias may be linked back to you when you enter the realm of more "respectable" wor, but ... at that point, it means you have enough interest around the work you really want to be doing that it shouldn't matter so much. If you hadn't been a success, people wouldn't bother digging into your background so deeply. Also, you're basing a lot of your fear on the kind of cultural thinking that's rapidly dying out, and will face eventual extinction. Especially in our evolving, accepting, liberal and sexually freed culture, I doubt that the fact you once drew dirty pictures will matter much in the year 2025 (unless you live in Syria or something). If all you need is to make money somehow for now, but it bugs you to be firmly identified with it ... then go ahead and do it and pick a fake name. If you actually WANT to be making this kind of art, though, and it genuinely intrigues and inspires you, then it means you should cast off all other concerns and dive in wholeheartedly and to HELL with your "reputation." I promise you -- the Western world has changed a lot in 30 years, and is still changing rapidly. Nobody you want to be in your life will be judging you for it 10 years from now.

@eastonkellan: **_Maybe I am one of the few lucky ones who doesn't have to come out because ever since I was in grade school, my parents and siblings all knew I was gay, no drama and in my high school days, I always bring my gay classm8s to my house About 10 years ago, we attended a family reunion and I overheard one of my relative jokingly told my father that our family name has ended since I cannot provide them with an heir coz I'm gay and my father replied "I'd rather have a good and useful gay son than a bum of a hetero son" and for that I will be forever grateful to my father_** You are lucky to have such a father!! ;D

Good luck!

I guess that almost everyone fears coming out in such family situations.. :blink:

Friends.. ::)

@deko: My straight crush who btw outed me to the entire school at the time So, was that bad luck or did it "help" you afterwards? ::)

@scramer: If you are unsure of how you really identify, if you live in an area where there is a lot of violence towards LGBTQ individuals or discrimination (particularly if there are not anti-discrimination laws on the book), you are dependent on your homophobic family for rent/living, you have no support or you simply do not feel ready. It is your decision if, how and when to "come out." I would agree.. :angel2:

@snickersgif: I just read a book about raising boys (don't ask why) and there was a chapter on gays. It stated that boys could turn out to be gay and to accept them and know that schools were teaching kids to also accept it and blah blah blah. So my question is why the parents that read this still don't understand that being gay is part of your identity and it's not a choice. I guess that most of the parents haven't read such bibliography..

@hean: just dont fucking care… and u will be fine It's easily said.. :afr:

@kyre83: I can definitely attest to the comments about life as a gay in Asia.  I was always out back in Canada ever since I was a teen and…didn't even realize the freedom it represented.  When I moved to Korea in 2006 I really had to go back in the closet.  It was difficult, but I guess I got used to it.  I left though, in 2013 because I couldn't handle the fact that Koreans were so unwilling to have a real relationship because that would mean not just coming out to someone else, but also to themselves.  SO I went to Taiwan, which was so much more open I couldn't even believe it.  Now Taiwan has a gay-supporting president and the future looks brighter than ever, as she came out in favour of equal marriage rights BEFORE being elected.    ....Now...if only the rest of the world would stop being bullied by China and publicly recognize Taiwan as the independent country that it is, so that it can start setting more effective positive role modeling for the Asian community. Why did you have to move out of Canada?

I totally agree that coming out is not everyone's choice!!

@humandoormat: gay but not that gay hehe i'd like to have kids too but when it comes to marriage i'd marry a man or a women Haven't you made your mind yet? :cheesy2:

@orngcps: I've been at both ends of that situation. The first time it was me who was supposed to come out in return. It was one of my best friend's younger brother, let's call him A. His sister and I have been friends since fifth grade and this happened right at my first year at college. One day I'm at my friend's house and she had to go to the bathroom or something, I don't remember, so I was left alone with A for a while. He was around 17 at that time and he said he had something important that he needed to talk to me about and wanted my opinion on how to tell his sister. He then proceeded to come out to me in a very slow and awkward manner. He was really nervous. I had known A since he was a little kid and I wasn't ready to come out yet, I think I was 18 or 19, and hadn't told anyone yet though I was thinking of doing it. Anyways, I told him I was cool with it and even offered to help him come out to his sister. Turns out he had this huge crush on me and was expecting that if he told me I would tell him and magic would ensue. A couple of months later I came out to all my friends and him but nothing ever happened between us though. The second time was with my brother. Yes, I came out to my brother expecting him to come out to me in return. Let me back up, I came out to all my friends way before coming out to anyone in my family. One day I'm at my brother's 24th birthday party (he's two years younger than me) and I'm just there talking with some friends and then I went to my room to look for something. When I'm walking to my room I hear moaning coming from my brother's room which is right next to mine. I thought he was with a girl but then I thought that I wasn't hearing a girl's moan, it was two male voices, curiosity got the best of me and I decided to peek. Imagine my surprise when I see him making out with a dude. I had never suspected anything from my brother and suddenly all I could think of is my mother and her two gay sons for some reason. A couple of weeks later, I just couldn't keep it in anymore so I decided to confront him. We were driving to our grandma's house when I decided to officially come out to him. I had never explicitly told him but I knew he knew, and by telling him I thought I would get him to tell me. I come out and he says he knew and he was okay with it an all, but he didn't come out to me. After ten minutes of awkward silence I told him what I saw the other day, he freaked out a little and said he was just drunk and experimenting, but that it meant nothing. I didn't believe him for some reason. A few months later we're driving somewhere and he finally tells me everything. That he was indeed gay, and was just coming to terms with it and had told some of his friends and it was all good and even asked me how could he tell our mom. And those are my stories I'm glad that your stories have a happy ending!! :cheers:

@Eridanos: I wouldn't mind. It might add some guilty thrill to the thing… As long as the dude isn't married and/or with kids. (That is very dangerous territory since your actions affect other people besides yourselves) But honestly, for a long time commitment I'd rather be with someone who is out (at least to family and friends) Kids involment hardens the whole situation.. :afr:

In my opinion, this is difficult since having a serious relationship, has some minimum requirements that are hard fulfilled when someone is not out..

You should be able to see the advantages of actually doing it! If you don't see any of them, delay your coming out..

@psyc490: Yeah I would say he is pretty successful in his work; but psychologically and emotionally he's very lonely Losing a lot of friends and others around him because of hubris You can't have everything in life..

Yep. That's it. It's very stressful if someone doesn't reply at first. But they need to think it through sometimes. I know it's hard and you're on your toes literally and can't sleep or think about anything else but after day or two it's such a relief. Especially when you get some feedback. It's good to take of this weight and not bear it alone.

I know exactly what kind of situation you are in. My dad was an alien too. I mean he's quiet, I didn't know anything about him. He's also from another country so he is isolated in Poland. He never talked about his feelings. I didn't know what he does, who he is, even what job does he have. I'd seen him every sunday for a few short hours. So I think I know how hard it is. Cause it is. It's just you don't know this man and even though it's your dad you just feel like it's a stranger which you are bounded still. You should always do it with an honest conversation. I always encourage people to do that. But well, I did this the other way. My mom did. She just told him. Just like that. So the problem solved thogh I told her I'm gonna do it myself. But she doesn't listen. I think half of my family know because she couldn't keep her mouth shut. But it still did the job. He texted me that he knows about my "otherness" but that doesn't change that he loves me. So yeah. If you have such a big problem then that's one way.

Best friend. Really. And girls first for me. Girls are more understanding. They appreciate that you trusted them and feel even better that you have more things to talk about now. Guys can be very confused about if they feel safe around you. Older sister if you have one and you're in good relations. Siblings are a lot easier to bear than the parents but they will also come around eventually. I would say you should do it when you gain some experience at coming out starting with your best friends. Then it all depends on their reactions so you have to choose wisely not to hurt yourself. It will become easier and easier with time so pick all the friends you care about most and then check all the family.