It's been pretty hard to find ones I enjoyed. If you're okay with text-based games, there's Course of Temptation.

It's not specifically gay, but you can just do gay stuff. It's a sandbox life-sim style game set in a horny college. I had fun with it - my character was trying to screw the entire football team.

@frostycab What happened with GayArea?

Also, I find myself agreeing with you here. I think a large part of the persistent problems with online communities is that any sense of community culture is obliterated by the constant influx of new people. It sucks to exclude people, but allowing people in bit by bit is much safer and more stable in the long-term.