Am I Ugly?
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sure not ugly, some kind of atractive! :hug:
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I like the fact you wear glasses, as you can see I do as well. I don't hate contact lenses, but I prefer glasses. Really like your hair.
But to be honest, to many gay guys, I wouldn't say ugly, hell no. But you wouldn't be in the top tier at all.
Like I know for a fact, I wouldn't be in the top tier of guys at all either. So I don't mean that to be rude.
Yeah.. The glasses have never been a huge deal to me, but it seems to be very off putting to other guys. Being born with cataracts in both eyes, I have worn glasses basically since birth. I wore contacts a bit as a little kid, as well as a short time in high school, but never really felt comfortable in them. I would say I look better, but I have never been a "beauty hurts" kind of guy.
I know I am not fantastic looking. I don't think I am ugly either. Yet I have been trying for my first relationship for about ten years, and get turned down every time. Family members say I don't look bad, but that is family, they are supposed to say that.
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Admittedly, looks are an important part of getting the interest of a potential partner. But I've found that while looks may get you an introduction- it's really personality and charisma that will keep things going. As long as you're not a slob, you take care of yourself, and try to be an interesting person, you'll have no trouble finding lots of interested people.
That is correct. Yet in the day of age where apps include just a picture and a Twitter like bio, how you look is your selling point. I have always had a hard time being given the opportunity of an introduction.
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[to OP] Honestly, I think the only thing that I don't really like is your hair. But this is a pet-peeve of mine, I don't like long hair on men at all.
Otherwise I think you are attractive, just not the stereotypical "beauty" promoted by media, etc. But honestly, that "model beauty" is getting boring. Beauty is not much about being ripped or having the perfect face/hair/eyes, it's much more about confidence and learning how to project yourself to others. I'm not in the "model" category either, but the last year I have done HUGE steps towards loving my body and appearance in general and accepting it as it is. And it worked to the outside too: once I became more confident in my own body, I started getting more compliments, both by people who were sexually interested in me but also people in general
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE CONFIDENCE!!!
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Beauty is not much about being ripped or having the perfect face/hair/eyes, it's much more about confidence and learning how to project yourself to others. I'm not in the "model" category either, but the last year I have done HUGE steps towards loving my body and appearance in general and accepting it as it is. And it worked to the outside too: once I became more confident in my own body, I started getting more compliments, both by people who were sexually interested in me but also people in general
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE CONFIDENCE!!!
I agree. I guess my point is, you need the model attractiveness to have the opportunity to showcase all of what you are expressing.
I personally am a well educated guy, who not only has a series of interests, but many different passions. I know who I am, what I want, and what is worth looking for. I have had guys tell me that this is what they are looking for, only to then reject me. That is of course if we are not talking about websites and apps, where I get almost zero attention compared to what most people get.
I even went to a matchmaking service, who told me they approached 100s of guys I would have interest in, only to be told "he seems like he would be a nice guy, but I'm not interested". I just wish I knew what I was doing wrong.
I am 6 foot 180 pounds. Since March I have lost 17 pounds. I know I am not thin enough, and still need to work on it, but I have tried very hard over the years.
Here is another picture :
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You really need to do something about your pictures' angles. They aren't flattering.
Also, your glasses get in the way. Either take them off or buy those anti-reflecting glasses, so your eyes show.
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You really need to do something about your pictures' angles. They aren't flattering.
Also, your glasses get in the way. Either take them off or buy those anti-reflecting glasses, so your eyes show.
Based on the type of lenses I need, that is not possible. Either way.. If guys recognize what you just did, then does it even really matter? I can see someone saying "OMG he has pretty eyes" and falling for someone, but I can't see someone thinking "he has average looking eyes" and rejecting someone.
I did not take those pictures. And trust me.. I am awful at the selfie. lol
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You really need to do something about your pictures' angles. They aren't flattering.
Also, your glasses get in the way. Either take them off or buy those anti-reflecting glasses, so your eyes show.
Based on the type of lenses I need, that is not possible. Either way.. If guys recognize what you just did, then does it even really matter? I can see someone saying "OMG he has pretty eyes" and falling for someone, but I can't see someone thinking "he has average looking eyes" and rejecting someone.
I did not take those pictures. And trust me.. I am awful at the selfie. lol
Then learn the art of taking selfies.
(If you learn to take awesome photos you can even make an extra money O: )And take your glasses off. I know it can be uncomfortable, but bear with me.
Also keep in mind that a photography tries to put in 2D something that is 3D and it distorts it, so from the start, photos are screwing us over.
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Then learn the art of taking selfies.
(If you learn to take awesome photos you can even make an extra money O: )I take the glasses off and I can't see. LOL
Let me guess, you are one of those Instagram models?
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I take the glasses off and I can't see. LOL
Let me guess, you are one of those Instagram models?
Instagram model…me? Heavens forbid! (There are enough 'Instagram Models' for the lifespans of 2 universes already)
Learn your best angles...so you say to yourself: 'Damn! I'm some hot bastard!' and then by the 'rule of confidence' you become 200% sexier (sexy % might vary from person to person)
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I agree with the comments above about confidence. On the other hand, I don't really like avoiding the truth to spare people's feelings.
You asked a direct question. 100% honest answer? I don't find those photos attractive at all, but cut the hair, and we'll talk.
Of course, I'm like ffuck; I hate long hair. To the point that even tall, muscle-bound, hairy-chested, porn star-bodied, movie star-faced guys with long hair just make me want to grab the clippers and cut it all off.
So, between the long hair and the glasses that hide your face, I really can't tell how you look underneath that. I'm not saying cut your hair because a random stranger on the Internet doesn't like it. I'm just saying, theoretically, cut your hair and take your glasses off for a second, and I could give you a better assessment.
I would gladly jump on the bandwagon and post a photo to broadcast my flaws, as well, but I'm too lazy.
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You asked a direct question. 100% honest answer? I don't find those photos attractive at all, but cut the hair, and we'll talk.
Of course, I'm like ffuck; I hate long hair. To the point that even tall, muscle-bound, hairy-chested, porn star-bodied, movie star-faced guys with long hair just make me want to grab the clippers and cut it all off.So, between the long hair and the glasses that hide your face, I really can't tell how you look underneath that.
As I think I clearly stated in an earlier post (or maybe not…) I wear the glasses everyday, no exception, because I cannot see without them. I had surgery when I was really young. If you are by chance saying I should take pictures without them, I don't like being deceiving. I mean.. If me having glasses is that big of a deal, to where I am not getting responses, how do you think these people will feel when we meet and I am wearing glasses? Not being truthful rarely works out in the end, and it isn't a good way to start off a potential relationship.
Not sure if I said it before in here, but when I was in my early 20s I had short hair. When I was in my mid 20s I had medium length hair. I can't say at any point in my life I have had an easier time getting attention. So while I respect your opinion, I am not so sure having long hair is the complete dealbreaker as to why I can't even get a date.
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No, my only point about the glasses was that in the two photos you've shown, the glasses are producing glare and obscuring part of your face, so we can't really see what your eyes look like. In real life we could probably see you better even with the glasses on, but not in these photos.
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You asked a direct question. 100% honest answer? I don't find those photos attractive at all, but cut the hair, and we'll talk.
Of course, I'm like ffuck; I hate long hair. To the point that even tall, muscle-bound, hairy-chested, porn star-bodied, movie star-faced guys with long hair just make me want to grab the clippers and cut it all off.So, between the long hair and the glasses that hide your face, I really can't tell how you look underneath that.
As I think I clearly stated in an earlier post (or maybe not…) I wear the glasses everyday, no exception, because I cannot see without them. I had surgery when I was really young. If you are by chance saying I should take pictures without them, I don't like being deceiving. I mean.. If me having glasses is that big of a deal, to where I am not getting responses, how do you think these people will feel when we meet and I am wearing glasses? Not being truthful rarely works out in the end, and it isn't a good way to start off a potential relationship.
Not sure if I said it before in here, but when I was in my early 20s I had short hair. When I was in my mid 20s I had medium length hair. I can't say at any point in my life I have had an easier time getting attention. So while I respect your opinion, I am not so sure having long hair is the complete dealbreaker as to why I can't even get a date.
Just to clarify, I personally meant that long hair doesn't look good to ME personally. And not only on you, on anyone. But there are tons of guys out there that like long hair a lot (in fact I think there are more of them than guys who like baldies or nearly baldies like me). So yeah, I don't think that the long hair is a dealbreaker by itself. It really depends on what kind of guys you encounter. And also, changing style on your hair may help. I don't mean to cut it if you don't want to, I mean to try and stylize it in a different way: manbuns, ponytails, etc are all possible and you don't even have to worry for trying it: go with it once, see how it goes, if it goes well keep it, if not don't do it again. Also, trust a barber/headdresser on that. They should give you advice on that.
When it comes to glasses: I don't think it's a problem that you wear glasses. I wear glasses 24/7 myself too, and I know by personal experience that many guys (and girls too) are actually attracted to that. But I should try to make a change there too. You know, buy a different set of glasses, different shape, color, anything. Pretty much the same as it is with clothes (for all people).
To sum up, I don't think you are ugly. You just seem that you have given up on finding a style that suits you or creating a new one. Experiment. Switch it up. Try something crazy. DO NOT BE STATIC. This is what makes you think of yourself as ugly. Cause being the same all the time makes you see yourself as boring.
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I've read some of the replies, and because they didn't resonate with my either way I decided to throw my 5 cents in. There are many things to attractiveness: ambitions, social standing, where you are in life in terms of career, how wealthy you are, sense of humour, charisma, knowledge and intelligence, personality, agreeableness, and yes, looks. And also: what are you looking for in another person? If you don't care about the above but are only looking for warmth and love, then finding anyone is easy, but we usually want to find someone a little more specific.
How are you on all the other fronts? Because some shortcomings in area can be overshadowed by positives in other area. Trump is not a nice thing to look at, but people don't seem to care. Physical attractiveness is something that is subjective, in many ways. And it is also not a 1 - 0 thing. It's not that someone is just attractive or unattractive. Having said that there are some beauty standards that large numbers of people seem to share.
A guy I fell in love with was not my first choice when it came to looks. My friend when I showed her his picture summed him up as "old man" which made me laugh. He was scruffy and would not care about what he was wearing but there was a method to his madness, he was determined to save money for other things and that was attractive. His accent is gorgeous, he is an English gentleman and has a great personality, is kind and helps me grow as a person. And he impressed me with how hard he worked to go up the career ladder. Later on I also thought he was best looking, but then I've already fallen in love;)
The problem is some times in attracting someone in the first place. Examine your other attributes. If you're unemployed, penniless, have bad attitude, these might be more burning issues to fix.
And look at the way you look too. If you are happy with yourself, just live your life. When we are happy we attract people anyway. The thing with looks we can always be better versions of ourselves. As a clever guy (or smart if you're American) you know all the methods: we can be better groomed, get better haircuts (I don't mind long hair but yours don't look great, either it's the haircut or hair is damaged by bleaching), get more fit and muscular, get nicer looking glasses, braces, and what not. It takes time and effort. If this is not something you want to do, or you don't want to change just in order to attract someone you like, then just focus on yourself. And also ask yourself, is another person in your life really necessary? -
And to be more specific, if you wanted to take action - you have a very round face, I come from a country where many people do, and it is not the best look on a guy. Round faces suit women a bit more, guys don't look as masculine. With guys people are attracted to square jaws and everyone like cheekbones. One way to counteract would be to try and lose weight and get body fat down to a minimum that would also make your face look more square and slender. In Korea everyone has a round face, while their beauty standards are the opposite, many people there get plastic surgery to get ahead in the competitive world. It's quite invasive I have some Korean friends who have done it.
People are usually attracted to glasses, as they make people look more intelligent. The type of glasses you wear, which makes your eyes look bigger, has the opposite effect. I am sure you are a clever guy, but we are just talking about looks and first impressions. If you can get one that look a bit different, that would be a good idea. -
confidence is key :cheers:
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The problem is some times in attracting someone in the first place. Examine your other attributes. If you're unemployed, penniless, have bad attitude, these might be more burning issues to fix.
This is exactly what I am getting at. If I was able to get passed the introduction phase, I think I could easily rock it. I communicate well, have a set of interests, and so on. My problem is getting the initial introduction. Since they have not talked to me, and do not yet know what I have to offer, physical attractiveness is all they have to go by. If people are telling me that I am not unattractive, but I am not getting responses, what does that say?
I do wonder how your boyfriend got passed that stage, if he by chance wasn't someone you found attractive.
On dating sites I have on my profile the following bio :
"I am a aspiring entertainment industry professional, hoping to one day fulfill my dreams of creating art and media that will change the world.
I like to emerge myself in as much mainstream entertainment content as possible. I love watching and writing television, where I can get everything from my daily celebrity gossip, all the way back to engaging drama, and amusing comedies. It might seem a bit silly, but I cannot go a day without watching something that inspires me to read, write, or even visualize some form of a creative concept.
I also love sports. Even though I don't get out much to throw around a football or frisbee, I am an avid hockey fan, not only taking an interest in local sports, but many other teams through my interest in fantasy sports leagues."
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If I was able to get passed the introduction phase, I think I could easily rock it. I communicate well, have a set of interests, and so on. My problem is getting the initial introduction. Since they have not talked to me, and do not yet know what I have to offer, physical attractiveness is all they have to go by.
This is exactly why choosing the right picture is important. I know you said you don't want to "trick" guys with your photo, but there is a general understanding in online dating that people choose a profile picture that paints them in the best light. Using a photo in which you are 10 years younger or 30 kg lighter is certainly deceitful to me (unless you have a good reason for using that photo and make it clear that you don't look that way anymore). I think taking off your glasses for a photo to show your face is perfectly acceptable, though. On sites that allow more than one photo, you can add some with the glasses to show the diversity of how you can look.
I guess the real question is this: Assuming a better picture gets you more real-life meetings, is it worth having a few guys feel tricked if it also means someone will be possibly disappointed at first, but stick around long enough to start liking who you are?
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This is why we all say that you should put more effort on your appearance AKA the way you present yourself to strangers. No one says that you're not attractive on the inside, I'm pretty sure you are a really cool guy to spend time with! But, realistically looking at it, external appearance matters. The cover DOES matter. Because no matter how beautiful you are on the inside or how attractive your brain and soul are, when you first meet a person, the only thing you really KNOW about them is what they look like. It's the only thing you can actually believe that is true about the other person. And you may say, "well, I also provide info on my profile about my interests and such". And you are true. But just because someone provides that kind of info for themselves, that doesn't make other people 100% sure that this is true. You'll only find out about a person's character, humor, and inside world only when you meet them in person. And until that happens, you have to attract by whatever you've left: APPEARANCE. It's harsh and unfair to most people that this is the first thing that meeting others focuses on, but it's reality. And honestly, I do believe it's not really bad that we focus on that either: Appearance tells a lot about ourselves. The way we dress, the way we stand, the way we smile. By looking at a person's fashion, hairstyle, posture, gestures, facial expressions, way of walking, etc, you can tell many things about them. People who choose to wear suits are different from people who wear jeans on the same circumstances. Smiling in pictures makes you appear more extrovert, serious face is more introverted. Having a neat haircut, that is stylized to perfection shows a perfectionist. A more carefree person would also have a more carefree hairstyle. The colors that we wear, or the colors of the pictures that we upload on dating sites and/or social media (color vs grayscale) also plays an important role on how we affect others. It's an entire field of science and psychology behind uploading a picture on a website for dating. This is why we all give you (as well as any other who might have a similar problem) advice. Because we know it's hard, and thus the ones of us that have solved part of the riddle (cause no one has found the perfect picture yet) should help you and anyone else who needs help. Accept other people's advice: sometimes you don't see some things because you are biased and you need others to point it out to you. You don't have to follow the advice if you don't want to, but always accept it, whether it's good or harsh. Cause this is going to make you (and all of us actually) better - not only externally but internally too.
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