How old were you
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i was 15
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15
im 30 now, almost 31
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24 is when I came out to myself and others. I am almost 55 now.
I knew when I was about 5 that I liked boys instead of girls. -
- come out? what comeout?
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- Part of me felt like it was the right time but part me also wish I did it sooner
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I agree with the previous poster who indicated that it was a unique journey for each person... I share here in the hopes it helps someone out there who may find some similarities.
In my case, I had a really tough time when I was young... I knew I liked fucking girls, because I was fucking my neighbor... but then, I also started to fool around with some of the neighborhood GUYS! I mean, getting off was getting off! (And at that point, there was no anal sex! Just jerking and sucking and massaging...). I had heard the terms GAY and STRAIGHT (as well as many colorful, mostly derogatory, names for gays)... but none of those labels seemed to fit ME...
In HS, I was attacked once for being queer, but was "bailed out" when one of the girls I'd been fucking told the guy who was coming after me that I was a better lay than he was! (He was humiliated & beat the crap out of me anyway, but the queer "bashing" ended).
At the time (all thru HS), I was banging almost anyone who was willing to! Boy or girl, it all felt good! But I didn't "date" at all - it was all sex! (This was the 70's after all!)
To my parents, and anyone I wasn't having sex with, I was a model-geek! I got good grades, was in the Boy Scouts, sang in the church choir, you name it! I was a "good boy" - except to those "in the know" that I REALLY LIKED to FUCK!
In college, things changed: I had an actual GF as a freshman... but she cheated on me (broke my little heart!), and in "revenge" I fucked her brother... we kept fucking for over a year, but we never let her know.
I also joined a Frat - they didn't know anything, except I had been dating the one girl. However, I had also started a collection of gay porn magazines... and those got discovered... so I was force-ably "outed" to my fraternity - and they did NOT take it well: there was a vote on whether or not to allow me to remain a member... I barely won (though 2 years after, I was elected VP!)
Still, no one outside of the fraternity - ESPECIALLY my family - knew anything about my sexuality. Indeed, I had been "forced" to claim "bisexual" as a label by my Frat brothers, but it didn't feel right to me... I didn't "need" to be with both, it was more like I "could be" with EITHER!
When I graduated college and went to work in my first career job, I met a bartender at a hole-in-the-wall gay bar, and we became a couple - my first man-to-man love affair. We were in the process of breaking up - I was 25 by this time - when my younger brother got married in another state. I had originally planned to bring my BF as my guest to this thing, and come out to them then, but we were breaking up, so that fell through.... nonetheless, I was an emotional mess, so I wound up coming out to my mother... she could not understand how or why I couldn't just CHOOSE to be straight (I honestly think she STILL feels that today - and I'm 58 & she's 81!)
The rest of my family soon learned about me, and by the time I was 28 I was fully "out" - I made it a "requirement"(albeit, self-imposed) that I would never have sex with someone who wasn't aware that I had had sex with both men and women in my past.... I have kept that commitment to myself. I also finally found a label (I've been using since my late 20's) that I'm comfortable with: pansexual - defined (for me) as being physically attracted to either male or female bodies, and emotionally attracted to the person - irrespective of their body parts. (Or more succinctly: it's about the other person, not the toys they bring to the game!)
I have been accepted as "myself" by a huge majority of people who've learned about me... and rejected by a very few (which, I won't lie, hurt... sometimes, a lot)... my parents STILL keep hoping I'll "meet the right girl" - even when I'm dating (as I am now) a man. Some things will never change. But, how can I expect my parents to accept me "as-is" if I can't accept them "as-is" - even if all of us aren't fully comfortable with the others viewpoints!
Finally: my kids are all aware of my sexuality - it's come up when I have the "birds and the bees" discussion with them as teens.
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24 when I first came out to my (straight guy) best friend. That was the hardest one to do, I was literally crying the entire time because I was so scared. He turned out to be quite supportive, though I had to reassure him that being gay doesn't mean I'm gonna start wearing dresses or get a sex change. LOL I was still the same guy.
And it felt really good. Like a huge weight I didn't even know I was carrying had lifted. No joke, I felt like skipping and singing afterwards. All because finally, someone else knew I was gay. To this day, it still counts as one of the happiest days of my life. Which was good too, because I was spiraling into really deep and really dark depression by then. Joining internet forums helped me get the courage to come out.
Then I started coming out to the rest of my closest circle of friends (all straight guys, around 14 of them). All of them were either supportive or didn't care at all (which was great). Then I started coming out to female friends (three so far). I'm at the point where I don't really care if a random stranger knows I'm gay.
But here I am. I'm turning 36, and I still haven't come out to family. My dad died before I could tell him. Though I think he suspected and didn't particularly care. I haven't told my mom or any of my siblings. They're not conservative or anything. Not particularly liberal either. Just in the middle, like most Catholics. My parents and my older sisters don't make fun of gay people, they treat them with respect and all, but there's still a slight disapproval. And they still regularly ask me when I'm getting a girlfriend or getting married.
My brother probably suspects, but he's never confronted me about it. And he's a millennial like me, so he's alright. He's not homophobic in the slightest and has gay friends. Funnily enough, I'm pretty sure my younger sister is either lesbian or bisexual, and she hasn't come out either.
I think I'm still waiting for a partner. Like I'll only come out to people when I need to. I wish I could, but I'd rather not go through the inevitable family drama without someone close to support me through it.
At least that's what I tell myself. I'm still waiting for the day when I can fully be out though.
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To myself? 11. To others, 17. I'm now 54. God it's been great!
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18 и до сих пор
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20 years old and 1 day..
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I was around 18 y.o.
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I am 42 and my coming out was in my 20s
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I came out at age 13 or 14. I was lucky to feel safe enough to do so, because compared to my peers then, I came out pretty early.
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I was about 14 when I finally came out. I am fortunate though, as neither my parents, nor any of by siblings batted an eye when I came out. It was as though nothing had changed.
In fact, my sister even said "Yo ya freak... Ya got any actual news?" This was the most perfect thing she could have said because she's always called me a freak, so it was like nothing had changed.
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35, I have been dismissed and discriminated after that.
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I first expressed the idea at around 11-ish but didn't really have the proper words. Both parents had pieced things together fully at 13 or 15. Still not fully out as of now, haha.
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Was around 13 when I found out shit was different with me, came out at 18.
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I was maybe 12 when I had feelings for other boys. I don't know that I recognized those feelings as sexual for another couple years. Growing up in the rural south of the US I had zero exposure or information on sexuality (aside from friends misinformation and a few magazines) much less gay sexuality. I recall seeing drag queens on tv for a gay event as a teen and thinking that wasn't me. Again, that attitude was a vestige of being raised in a conservative area that demonized other and was openly racist, sexist and homophobic. By the time I was 16, I knew exactly what I was and was starting to understand that: I wasn't alone, it was likely just an uncommon expression of nature, and it was a crappy unfair situation to be in. A counselor was the first person I came out to that year. Lucky for me they were cool. I told my family in the next year or two. By that time I had GTFO and moved to a big city 1200 miles north. I was quite angry about all this for many years, which was my coping mechanism. Eventually I got tired of being angry and chilled out. I hope anyone else who has experienced violence and/or oppression over sexuality can make the connections between their experiences and those of other oppressed peoples. It mystifies me that gay Republicans exist.
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I was 27.
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I never really came out to my family. Never had "the talk" with them. I was just me, and lived with my "roommate" for so long and they put 2 and 2 together.
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