Relationship Issue Help Needed: My partner and his so-called friend
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Hey PumpingMuscl are you sure we weren't with the same guy? :cheers: Lee would do the same identical thing to me. He would be mean and ugly to me while I was doing everything I could for him. He would push me away, I would leave and then he would be so sweet and nice and beg me to come back. He would put the blame on me for something that was not even my fault. Here is a fine example: When William was still living with Lee and I, we went to the store one Saturday morning, it was July 4th weekend, and Lee wanted to get a grill so I could make barbecue for the holiday. We pulled up at Walmart, William helped Lee out of the car and gave him a shopping cart. William continued to lead Lee with the shopping cart and I followed behind. When we got into the garden department where the grills were, William started to grab Lees hand and let Lee feel the grills (remember lee is blind). The way the two of them were acting it was almost like a sexual experience of William gently stroking Lees hand while he guided Lee to touch all of the grills. After about 10 minutes of this, I excused myself and told them I was going to go sit in the car and wait for them to come to finish the shopping. About 15 minutes later, here they come to the car, they didn't buy anything and did not continue shopping. They got in the car and Lee asked what was wrong. I went off on both of them saying that I was just the 3rd wheel here and what happened at the store upset me. That if I am "supposedly" Lee's partner then I should be showing him and leading / guiding him. I told William that Lee and I were trying to have a relationship (which he knew) and he needed to but out. When we got back to Lee's apartment, Lee ask me to leave telling me I was mean and I should have kept my mouth shut, he asked me to leave. I told Lee that if anyone should leave it should be William. He told me to get out. So I got some clothes, grabbed my laptop and left. Two weeks later, Lee starts begging me to come back, he was so sweet and kind, promised me this would never happen again and told me things would be different, un-huh, so I went back just to have this same thing (in different ways) happen about 3 more times, I would leave, he would beg me to come back. This time is different and I will not compromise how I feel or what changes need to take place. Of course, I have still not heard from him and I truly think this is a good thing because it would end up being the same scenario over and over again with him. Like I said, about 2 weeks from now, he will start texting and begging, this time it will be ignored. I am glad you learned and you decided not to be the pin cushion and I am not going to be the victim anymore either. Again, as stated before, I feel sorry for Lee because he pushes people out of his life for no reason, he is blind, he needs someone but it is his own fault that he has no one. I seriously believe he has something more wrong with him than being blind. I honestly feel like he needs some type of psychiatric counselling or help. Live and Learn and I learned my lesson in a very hard way….NEVER AGAIN !
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Okay, I just remembered another time so I have to add another example of Lee's crazy behavior and how I was treated. How about getting kicked out of the house over a stupid can of green beans. OMFG!! This was once again while William was living with us. We had gone grocery shopping. Even though Lee is blind he can maneuver around the kitchen very well and he can cook. When we got home from the grocery store Lee realized he forgot to tell me we needed green beans. He planned the Sunday dinner, so I suggested we have another side instead. He said make sure you get "Green Giant" green beans. I went back to the store and of course they were out of green giant green beans, so I got 2 cans of "Libbys" green beans. I got home with the cans and set the on the counter. William comes into the kitchen, gets the beans out of the bag and Lee said are those "Green Giant" brand and William said no they are "libbys". Lee goes off and bitches me out, well this is just going to ruin the green bean casserole I had planned, I only use "Green Giant" brand. He told me I was stupid and I should go back to the store and exchange them or find them somewhere else. I refused. He told me that if I could not do what he wanted that I needed to leave. He was mean to me over a stupid can of green beans. I did leave and of course a week later he was apologizing and was so sweet and kind and begged me to come back, which I did (I should have known then, this was before I completely moved in with him, furniture and all). I know one thing I will not miss for sure, is going grocery shopping with him. It was a nightmare and I dreaded it. I always tried to make a list of what he wanted and he would make another list in his head or change what was on my list. We would start shopping and we would get some items and then he would say, oh, I need milk (for example), I said well we are on the other end of the store and we will get it when we get over there…He would say, no, lets go get it now, so we would trek from one end of the store to the other end back and forth, back and forth. What should have been a 30 minute shopping trip turned into 2 or 3 hours of walking from one end of the store to the other. Finally I decided it would be best if I just went to get the groceries by myself and when I would get home he would say, wow how did you do that so fast.....SOME CRAZY SHIT!
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I figured I would get more comments… :cry2:
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If he hasn't responded to your conditions by now, it's best to chalk it up to experience and move on.
There's times it's better to be single than be stuck in a bad relationship. Reconnect with family and friends over the Thanksgiving holidays and count the good things in your life you can be thankful for.
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We would start shopping and we would get some items and then he would say, oh, I need milk (for example), I said well we are on the other end of the store and we will get it when we get over there…He would say, no, lets go get it now, so we would trek from one end of the store to the other end back and forth, back and forth. What should have been a 30 minute shopping trip turned into 2 or 3 hours of walking from one end of the store to the other. Finally I decided it would be best if I just went to get the groceries by myself and when I would get home he would say, wow how did you do that so fast.....SOME CRAZY SHIT!
That sounds very familiar! I had that experience with women. I only do that when they change the layout and move things around go to where it used to be and its halfway down the other end of the shop now.
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Jazzmale29, I think you did the right thing by ending it. I would have done it much sooner though. I don't think William & Lee were partners or friends with benefits….I think that Lee depended on William in every way possible a friend could. It's been my experience that when someone with disabilities relies on a close friend for help regularly, they form a VERY CLOSE bond that is almost impossible to break. This sounds exactly like the situation with William & Lee, except Lee was unaware that William had a crush on Lee, which in turn made you jealous. The other big problem is it sounds like Lee is inexperienced & immature in how to treat a lover/partner in a relationship, he has not had enough experience to know how to treat a partner well. If he DID, then perhaps he would have been more sensitive to your feelings about William & what he was doing to your relationship.
The bottom line here is, Lee pretty much put you through the wringer & then some! You did the right thing by ending it. Don't EVER let yourself feel guilty for leaving someone who's blind....Lee is a grown man, he can take care of himself. Pick yourself up, move on & learn from this relationship & don't repeat in the future. If Lee does eventually respond to your list of requirements & decides to give you a chance, DO NOT let him rush you again!!! Take it slow! And make it CLEAR that your requirements are not negotiable.
Whatever you do though, don't give up on love. You sound like a wonderful catch, not many guys would have given Lee much of a chance! If it was me, I would have packed my bags after he verbally abused me the first time. Learn to love yourself, & try again when the time is right. There is a lot of good guys out there, you have just found the bad ones. Good luck to you.
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brianboru72 and bighardcock I truly appreciate your response. Both of you have given me some hope back. I had felt guilty but no longer.
I did end the relationship yesterday. Since I never heard back from him, last night I sent him a text saying "thank you for the lessons learned, I wish you the very best life has to offer. Good-bye Lee you will always have a special place in my heart. I am sorry things did not work out."As far as me, at peace with some unrest, if that makes any sense. As far as finding someone, right now I am not looking and have no expectations of being in another relationship. As far as giving up on love well this kinda took the wind out of me. My house sold last week(with no profit unfortunately) and I will be moving to a duplex I found here in my small hometown. Now I have to move again for the 3rd time this year…geeze.
I truly appreciate everyone's kindness, advice and thoughts here. Thank you all very much
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Congratulations on selling your house. Time for a clean break and new beginnings. Good luck on your 3rd and (hopefully) final move for a while. I might have to move at the start of the year myself and not looking forward to all the stress that comes with it.
Enjoy the upcoming holidays! At least you're at peace now and open to what new things can come your way.
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Thank you so much for the well wishes Brian. Yes it will be a new beginning for sure. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving as well.
My mom is in the nursing home so I will be spending the afternoon with her and then home alone. My mom is the only family member I have left living. So all of you who have families, treasure them and enjoy the time you have to share with them. Thanks again Brian, btw, my name is James. -
Hey Jazzmale - I really feel for you and what you've been through. Now that 6 monnths have passed -
a) how do you now feel about all the things that happened to you then and
b) even though last November you wern't looking for a new relationship - did you start going out looking ?
c) Do you fgeel ready to give relationships a chance again ?Hope you are going ok
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