Hope you are going ok

Enjoy the upcoming holidays! At least you're at peace now and open to what new things can come your way.

As far as me, at peace with some unrest, if that makes any sense. As far as finding someone, right now I am not looking and have no expectations of being in another relationship. As far as giving up on love well this kinda took the wind out of me. My house sold last week(with no profit unfortunately) and I will be moving to a duplex I found here in my small hometown. Now I have to move again for the 3rd time this year…geeze.

I truly appreciate everyone's kindness, advice and thoughts here. Thank you all very much

The bottom line here is, Lee pretty much put you through the wringer & then some! You did the right thing by ending it. Don't EVER let yourself feel guilty for leaving someone who's blind....Lee is a grown man, he can take care of himself. Pick yourself up, move on & learn from this relationship & don't repeat in the future. If Lee does eventually respond to your list of requirements & decides to give you a chance, DO NOT let him rush you again!!! Take it slow! And make it CLEAR that your requirements are not negotiable.

Whatever you do though, don't give up on love. You sound like a wonderful catch, not many guys would have given Lee much of a chance! If it was me, I would have packed my bags after he verbally abused me the first time. Learn to love yourself, & try again when the time is right. There is a lot of good guys out there, you have just found the bad ones. Good luck to you.

We would start shopping and we would get some items and then he would say, oh, I need milk (for example), I said well we are on the other end of the store and we will get it when we get over there…He would say, no, lets go get it now, so we would trek from one end of the store to the other end back and forth, back and forth. What should have been a 30 minute shopping trip turned into 2 or 3 hours of walking from one end of the store to the other. Finally I decided it would be best if I just went to get the groceries by myself and when I would get home he would say, wow how did you do that so fast.....SOME CRAZY SHIT!

That sounds very familiar! I had that experience with women. I only do that when they change the layout and move things around go to where it used to be and its halfway down the other end of the shop now.

There's times it's better to be single than be stuck in a bad relationship. Reconnect with family and friends over the Thanksgiving holidays and count the good things in your life you can be thankful for. 

I promised myself not to be mean or hateful to him or lower myself down to his level so I needed advice as to if I were mean or not…come to think of it Farkme I guess I have grown a set of balls and don't plan on backing down on the changes that need to be made. I think he realizes that I have taken the focus off of him and made myself the priority (which I should have done to begin with). I appreciate your response. :hug2:

wow you're saying everything I went through a year ago I was also in a relationship with a guy who took advantage of me and just wanted me to do everything for him even though I wasn't his priority at all I was so in love with the guy that I wasn't thinking about myself at all he pushed me away more than once just to make me feel bad and then he would take me back after a couple of weeks or a month then one day we had a stupid fight and he again pushed me away so I took it this time and never came back he tried to take me back and suddenly became SO SWEET and kind so I can fall for him again but my feelings were already gone and like you said I changed and made myself my priority the thing is you don't wanna be mean and hateful to him but want it or not you're gonna be the bad guy in the story they will never understand why you wanna walk away and you're gonna end up being the bitch after all. I didn't give a fuck if I'm gonna look like the unfaithful bitch I didn't take him back after the many sweet things he was doing to convince me. so you can say yea I also grow a set of balls and I'm happy that I learned a lot from this experience and you should too

:hug:

I hate to come across as bitter or nasty but its a shame that he seems to have ignored your feelings again and focusing on what he wants and his feelings. It sounds as if he hasn't learnt to be considerate of your feelings yet so trying to pursue the relationship would be a waste of time.

I am willing to try working things out with you if you can make some changes in a few areas, if you can't agree with my conditions then we need to move on:
Number 1 is that under no circumstances will William ever live with us and the 20 calls a day need to stop from him
Number 2 is that you make me feel secure again that after a disagreement you don't want to end things and break up. It's a commitment.
Number 3 is that we will sleep in the same bed
Number 4 I am in control of the finances
Number 5 We will not share a home until things are completely worked out and you will be faithful as I will be to you in our absences.
Number 6 You will not yell, scream at me. You will be respectful of me and not try to get physically abusive with me.Let me know. If I don't hear back...then I know you don't agree.

I bet I never hear from him, he will never agree to any of it!

Any ones thoughts? Was I to mean?

But that said, it really is up to you depending on how you feel about him- if you still want to see what is possible. There's a part of me that says just leave well enough alone, but another part is saying you could give him a chance IF- and this is very important- IF he makes some changes to prove that he really is serious this time around. For one thing- can he give up his friend? That is the first and main test. His friend was the main reason your relationship fell apart and having him around is a deal breaker. His focus should be on you and building a relationship with you.

If and when William is out of the picture entirely- THEN you can give him a chance. No rushing ahead and moving in, please! Get to know each other more first. Spend a bit of time until you have a better understanding of whether there's anything there worth salvaging, or if you should just totally cut him out of your life.

Jokes aside, only you know what's best. If you still love him then give him another chance, but then you need to call the shots. In a perfect world, you both would meet someone new, falling head over heels, no drama. Take your pick.

I have now been living in my home (single) for 21 days. It has been a peaceful and reflective time for me until 2 days ago.
Two nights ago I got a text from Lee asking me how I was doing and asking how things were going and if I were okay.
I responded by telling him it has been a rough time but I am making it. I asked him what was up and how things were with him and
he said things were horrible. I told him I was sorry he was having a bad time and wished him the best.

Last night he texted me again and asked if we could talk over the phone. I replied that I would rather text. He agreed.
The next message I get is " I miss you, I really fucked up and was wondering if you could forgive me and I love you and realize that you were so good to me and for me and I lost something wonderful, I can't get you out of my head or heart, I am struggling here and I wonder if you still love me because I love you and I am hoping you can open your heart so we can get back together and have our relationship back. I realize I was hateful and mean to you, but since I am blind I really don't realize when I am being mean. You have been the best man I have ever been with and I need you, I fucked up and I am so sorry, please give me another chance."

I was kind of taken back and really did not know what to think. Here is how I responded:

"I am not here to argue or fight with you anymore that is not going to happen. And to clear your mind, I have forgiven you already.  I do realize you are going through a rough time as well, but I do have to say that is not my fault.  I seriously don't think you have really realized what all I did for you, how much I loved you, how much I lost in many ways, Trust me I have lost more than I have ever gained including you. All of this just to please you and try to make you happy.But here I sit alone. There are many times that you hurt my feelings and you never even knew about it. I would approach you to make love and would always be told, oh, you caught me off guard, but whenever you approached I did not turn you down. You said things to me that hurt, that I was too loud in the bedroom and you just wanted to concentrate to get the job done. Really? I didn't know it was a job, I thought it was supposed to be fun and pleasurable.I really did not appreciate you and William sleeping in your room and me sleeping in mine, that said a lot. Then you would constantly tell me if William wanted to come back he was welcome after all he had done for you. That did not make me feel like I was number one in your life, I was not your priority. What about after all I had done? I mean I was supposed to be your partner. I don't think my feelings were considered many times. I did not and do not feel that partners or lovers should sleep in separate bedrooms especially when the relationship is still new. I like to be held and you did not seem very interested. You constantly said I was watching you, when actually I really wasn't. You constantly said I kept track of you. Well hell, yes we were both in a small apartment, of course I knew if you were in the bathroom or the bedroom or on the patio. I wasn't the one living there who constantly followed you, watching you, staring at you, or rubbing my crotch watching you, that wasn't me, that was your number 1(William).  Being blind is not an excuse for being mean, or saying since you are blind you did not realize you were being mean. I am so sorry you are blind, but that gives you no reason to be abrupt, mean or say things that hurt people.  But I have to be honest with you, after all I have been through with you, I am scared and leery of trying to reconcile with you at this point. It was always your apartment and I never felt any ownership in it all. You accused me of taking over, which I did not. I was simply doing what you asked to make your apartment look like a magazine picture, which it did. So to say the least, I am hurt, very hurt and have had all the drama I can take this year. I never really felt a part of you and me, it was all you. Yes you opened your home up for me to live with you and I appreciate that and you made some changes. I did not write this to make you mad or argue with you, I wrote this in truth and honesty and how I felt. Just know I accepted you for who you were, lock stock and barrel and didn't ask you to change a thing.
I wasn't putting fault on you for the changes I decided to make in order to be with you or in a relationship with you, which was a major mistake on my part. I wanted you to realize how much I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life that's all. I think it is probably best if we just remain or try to be friendly to each other. I don't really think that we would ever work after all we have been through. So I guess this is closer for you. Thank you for loving me. You will always have a special place in my heart. I am not actively searching for anyone or anything or another relationship. I truly don't intend on ever having a relationship with any one anymore. To say the least, I think we would both be better moving on. Please keep in touch, I do think about you often and like I said I pray for you daily and will continue to do so. After all we have been through I can honestly say I am no longer in love with you, but I do love you, just not in a partner kind of way.  I want you to keep in touch, I want to hear from you, like I said I care about you. I wish you no bad things either. I wish for you the best and hope you can find someone compatible. even if we can't be together in the end, I am truly thankful and glad that you were a part of my life. Thank you! Please know that I will always love you and have a place for you in my heart.  I would like to build a friendship with you over time."

Lee responded back, " If we can't be lovers I can't be your friend because I am still in love with you and every time we would talk or see each other it would hurt because you were the best thing that ever happened to me and I would always wonder what could have been between us and I thank you for everything"

I responded back:
Wow, alright, I guess you are burning a bridge. You are the one who told me you wanted to be friends and now you are telling me something different. Well then, good-bye. I am sad. but good-bye. I hope you have a good thanksgiving and Christmas. Have a good evening. Guess I will never know how you are doing or anything but I will respect your wishes.

Now this morning, I wake up to three text messages from him wanting me to call him, wanting us to spend Thanksgiving together since he would be alone. I am like what the fuck, what do I do, I don't want to be mean to him or have any more drama. What would you do? I really need your advice…HELP PLEASE

A heart attack is a major scare- and it's a shame your partner wasn't capable of dealing with it. But I guess better it was before you got married and all.

My thoughts after all this, Jazz, are maybe you should focus on yourself for a while- find things to enjoy by yourself or with friends. You haven't mentioned much about friends- so I just have to say that they are a blessing when you're single. Or find some hobby where you can meet new people. You are in your 50's but that doesn't mean you stop growing and improving yourself and having fun. You don't need to be in a relationship to do any of that.

Best of luck!