Race Preferences in Dating
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If you still don’t understand why your “preferences” are racist, this video might help explain
In a new episode of MTV Decoded, Dylan Marron tackles an ongoing problem in the gay community: racism. Particularly, the sexual racism found on dating apps.
“When gay men are confronted with their racist language, many try to explain it away as ‘a preference.’” Marron says. “I mean, they can’t help it, it’s just how they feel. As if they were captive to some mystical, romantic force that naturally discriminates against people of color.”
Sound familiar?
Before you get all defensive, why not hear what Marron has to say?
He continues:
This is where structural racism comes into play. Because preferences are actually shaped by learned values. When you’re judging a person based solely on their racial background, you’re acting on generalizations you’ve learned to associate with that person’s appearance or heritage. You can’t say it’s their personality because you shut them down before you even got to know them.
Link: https://www.queerty.com/still-dont-understand-preferences-racist-video-might-help-explain-20180209
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I think there's a difference between racism and preference. To prefer a certain type of men doesn't mean you can't be attracted to someone who doesn't fit all your standards.
I personnally prefer white men, but sometimes I found a black, asian, or middle eastern guy very sexy. I'm just more often attracted by white guys. Just as I prefer brown hair guys doesn't mean i can't being attracted by a blond or red head guy. It's not racism it's just preference. -
Now that I think about it, I guess it is a bit racist. You can call it a preference, but it still is racist.
I mean, if a store had a big open sign and it said "Open To All" "But we prefer whites". That would be racist.
people have preferences in everything we do but how we express it is what can make someone come across as a bigot or not.
But on this site, I guess its kind of hard.
Judging by the torrent descriptions, many of our members can't tell the difference between black, middle eastern, latino or Asian. -
each person has his own preference, mabye bigotry to some but its really a matter of preference
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What's next? Am I now a misogynist because I don't want to date drag queens?
Kindly keep your stupid politics out of our bedrooms! -
Its a very difficult one, I had a similar conversion on if not finding black men sexy was racist but for me I find it a preference. The same way I prefer men older than me I don't find twinks attractive is that ageism? to an extent it is.
I do think that there is a lot of casual racism and sexism at the moment but I don't think sexual preference should be classed as racism.
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I believe the 20th century left us with a taste of "anything can mean/refer/be anything" (That from "Art can be anything/anything can be art"), specially on the -isms and cultural raising aspects in society, developing a SJW len to see the world.
Discrimination can't be used when that kid on the table decides not to eat her spinach but everything else, not when you choose a blue shirt over yellow one, when you hire a built trainer over that fat guy eating pizza, when a lion kills a buffalo over a zebra, when your crush end up going out with a slut rather than you, when you were born with a pennis over a vagina. No Bishes, that's not how the word Discrimination must be used, neither the use of Preferences, it's a relation and action of Choice and such a thing has no morals/ethic attached.
To chose A over B acts on the believe of freedom, and bishes, freedom doesn't actually mean what one might think it does since it's biased (There is no absolute freedom, all freedoms are conditioned by x or y). So to try and exert social justice on "who can I freely date based on my cultural background that made me build up certain preferences, that of course will change over the course of the years or even my daily mood" is kind of a pointless but needed perspective since Equality seems to define our contemporary lives, even when is an utopian belief.
Just don't take such a thing up to heart, read and move on.
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I wish they made more black guys with white guy body hair. I've been with black guys before but I'm just never as attracted.
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In my opinion you should tell what you want instead of what you don't want
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This was one of those issues which in the past, I was on another side with, now I've taken a completely different approach.
I used to think it was racist for you to not find a racial group attractive. I did.
But now, I can totally get it, and understand. It's okay really. Those who understand, understand. Those who don't, (as me myself was apart of that group) I hope like myself they eventually get the picture.
You cannot help what you are attracted to, and what you put above all else as far a dating and relationships go.
I am a flamboyant and feminine dark skin black man.
However, if I had my way, my ideal man would be a guy complete opposite of that. He's a bear chubby guy, who's more than likely white. As I do prefer white men, and most of the shit I jack off to, are white men.
So therefore it's not racist, as you are just attracted to what you're attracted to.
What is not okay, is people being shitty about it. For example, headlining different groups or races and warning them not to contact them. Or being rude to those you don't find attractive.
If you receive a message from someone not your type, ignore it. If you are approached by someone not your type, reject them kindly.
So that's how I feel.
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I know that people do have preferences. I do too.
I have seen many beautiful white guys and ugly white guys, the same goes to black and asian or many others.
I wouldn't say necessarily though that I prefer white guys over black or asian because there are many attractive black and asian guys than average or ugly white guys (there truly are so many!!!!!).
For those who say I am not attracted to black and asian and would never date them, it's as if you have seen every single one of them on the planet and thus close the doors completely. That is indeed racist. People should not waste their time on racists. I personally don't even want to make friends with them.
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I think that it is ok to have preferences so long as they are not root in racial bias. Everyone likes what they like, whether it be food, cars, color, or people. If certain attributes do not turn your crank, no amount of force from an external party is going to change that.
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What is not okay, is people being shitty about it. For example, headlining different groups or races and warning them not to contact them. Or being rude to those you don't find attractive.
If you receive a message from someone not your type, ignore it. If you are approached by someone not your type, reject them kindly.
Exactly my thoughts, that kind of behavior is offensive and unnecessary and I think probably the cause of this whole discussion in the first place. Attraction to certain races doesnt make you racist, if the opposite group is your negative target then it is problem, otherwise just enjoy what you please.
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This is why I say one should list the attributes/qualities that turn their crank. The funny thing is, you sometimes discover that what you want ends up being drastically different from what you need or settle upon in the end. I never thought that I would be with an older guy and he has been stuck to me like glue now for the last 8 years.
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This topic is a can of worms.
But honestly, you can find attractive guys in all races.
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It happens everywhere.
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In my opinion this isnt so much an issue about race exclusively.
I find that when I pick who to try and hit on in an app I go for what I am sure (based on what I see at least) will do it for me.
When I talk to people in person, I find that many of them could make me want them even though I might not pay attention to them if I just saw them in a hook-up site.
Part of what does it for me is what I am accustomed to. My country isnt as diverse as other countries so the only guys I'm accustomed to seeing is caucasian or middle-eastern looking. I've fantasized about them for decades, you know?
I am sure though that if I get the chance to meet and talk to an asian descended person I will feel like getting down and dirty with them (provided they are not taller than me lol). -
If you honestly don't think your preferences are racist, then ask yourself; "Why do I not like someone sexually, just because of their race."
If you are not interested in someone just because of their race, Then by the English definition of discrimination (the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people, especially on the grounds of race, age, or sex), You are being racist.That might make you a little uncomfortable, but if your personal prejudices are showing that clearly, its best to sit and think for a bit as to where your way of thinking comes from so you can work on it.
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Well, if you do the research, you'll find that on average, about 9% only ever date outside their own race. That's all races, not just the evil whites.
EDIT: corrected typo, that affected discussion that followed
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Well, if you do the research, you'll find that on average, about 9% only ever date within their own race. That's all races, not just the evil whites.
You're putting words in my mouth, I never said anything about white people you're just taking my point to an extreme to dehumanise me. my entire point is that having a preference based on race is racist. it doesn't matter how many people do it, if YOU as a person discriminate against people, because of their race, sexually or otherwise, its racist. Also, your point is bullshit, MOST AMERICANS date within their race. Maybe sit and think as to why you have your racial preferences rather than defend them.
https://www.prb.org/usintermarriage/
https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/young-people-look-for-love-within-their-own-race-brszq703w
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4850739/
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