Poll: Discrimination–Abuse and You

aadam101

I don't really spend too much time thinking about it. It doesn't matter who you are. There is some other person who doesn't like you for being what you are. The best thing you can do is surround yourself with people who like you.

Ellis

@Eridanos:

Oh sorry…obviously this thread refers to racial minorities in the USA. Or it will be as soon as 'someone' notices it.

Actually, the subject of the post is regarding any discrimination, wherever it may occur, so thank you Eridanos, for sharing your experiences.

In reading the replies, it sucks that you and Domosuke have had such experiences, and I do feel for you both. I'm also happy as it seems that you both rise above the adversity, not letting it keep you down–more than likely gaining something positive form the negative, whether it be the strength to deal with the crap, or the reinforcement in supporting the fact that there's nothing wrong with you, and you're "good" with who you are (as you should be, seeing as you're not the ones with a problem). Those unable to deal with the fact without being negative, those who have an issue with accepting and understanding you--they're the ones with a problem.

Stay strong! :bravo:

raphjd

30 years ago was far worse than it is today.

I was recently voted in as a local councillor with 72% of the vote while being openly gay. Nobody cares anymore. It's not a major issue to MOST people.

Education levels (of the parents and personal) tends to dictate bigotry.

Domosuke

@raphjd:

Education levels (of the parents and personal) tends to dictate bigotry.

It's not even about that. It's just the unwritten guy code. No matter how civilized and educated a man is, if he himself is not homosexual, he's just not going to get it and it's just the way it is.

He's going to distance himself from a homosexual man unless he's known him his whole life or they for financial and personal reasons have to be around each other. Like family, friends, coworkers etc.

He can be tolerable and be an "ally" and "to each his own" about it, but at the end of the day, it's not his issue to worry about.

aadam101

@Domosuke:

@raphjd:

Education levels (of the parents and personal) tends to dictate bigotry.

It's not even about that. It's just the unwritten guy code. No matter how civilized and educated a man is, if he himself is not homosexual, he's just not going to get it and it's just the way it is.

He's going to distance himself from a homosexual man unless he's known him his whole life or they for financial and personal reasons have to be around each other. Like family, friends, coworkers etc.

He can be tolerable and be an "ally" and "to each his own" about it, but at the end of the day, it's not his issue to worry about.

I don't agree with that. There are plenty of straight males who are more than happy to be around gay men. I live in Boston and nobody cares here. I do think that education does play a role as raphjd stated above. This state has more educated people than any other per capita.

raphjd

There are a lot of gay friendly hetero men, in the western world. Other places, not so much.

Domosuke

@aadam101:

@Domosuke:

@raphjd:

Education levels (of the parents and personal) tends to dictate bigotry.

It's not even about that. It's just the unwritten guy code. No matter how civilized and educated a man is, if he himself is not homosexual, he's just not going to get it and it's just the way it is.

He's going to distance himself from a homosexual man unless he's known him his whole life or they for financial and personal reasons have to be around each other. Like family, friends, coworkers etc.

He can be tolerable and be an "ally" and "to each his own" about it, but at the end of the day, it's not his issue to worry about.

I don't agree with that. There are plenty of straight males who are more than happy to be around gay men. I live in Boston and nobody cares here. I do think that education does play a role as raphjd stated above. This state has more educated people than any other per capita.

We will just agree to disagree.

I stand by what I said in my original post. Most straight men want nothing to do with gay men and they are laughing at you and not with you. No, they won't hang you and throw stones at you, but they aren't going to relate to you that much.

Your best bet is to find gay or "bi" guys who are more understanding.

Even then in that case;

I even forgot to add in my first post, that sadly even gay men are assholes too. They will on purpose be closeted around other open gay men which just makes the situation worse. The gay community itself has issues.

"More than happy" What the fuck does that mean?

All the straight men I've known kept their distance with me. They let me know from jumpstreet not to mention anything gay related to them. Or if I do come across as too gay from them, they usually change the subject and alert me to stop.

Maybe it's just the fact that I'm more flamboyant and feminine. That's bullshit though. This is the way god made me, so that shit is dismissive. I'm a human being first and foremost.

I've had "bi" guys that didn't seem to give a fuck, and allow me to hug them and mess around and bitch with them.

I live in LA. It doesn't get more open minded than that.

I don't think education has anything to do with it.

It has to do with guy code and male masculinity.

I have met more homophobic professors and educated men. I have seen so many open minded homeless guys who have no education.

brianboru72

I guess I'm lucky enough to have only experienced minor discrimination- and only of the verbal sort. I guess partially because of the way I carry myself- and the fact that I tend to conform to most assessments of masculinity- which is something carried over from my days in high school when I was still closeted.

I think more than education levels, a person's exposure to something is the main factor in lessening their tendency to discriminate. That's why coming out is such a big deal- the more people realize that their friends, neighbors, classmates are gay, the more accepting they tend to be. It's not 100% guaranteed, but it certainly helps. It's hard to bash gays when you realize your best friend, brother, favorite sports star is one of "those people".

This holds true for most issues of "Otherness" as well. If you are more exposed to other religions, cultures, races etc. the less threatening it will seem, and the more accepting you will be of them. Education does also play a factor, but nothing beats the more personal experience of being exposed to make the Other seem more familiar and acceptable. This also explains why the more cosmopolitan cities tend to have a more tolerant population than the people from more insular small towns.

Eridanos

Elaborating on what Domosuke said regarding how straight men distance themselves from gay ones, I reckon there's also lots of societal and peer pressure.

When I came out in junior high, I became a pariah. Only had one friend left to hang around with, until he told me we couldn't be friends anymore because he didn't want to be labeled as the friend of the 'gay boy' (hence being labeled gay too)

Man…I cried so much that day...

brianboru72

That's terrible, Eridanos. I'm sorry you had to go through that. The pressure to conform and the fear of labels is much much stronger at that stage. Many guys at that age wouldn't have the strength or courage to break the peer pressure yet. I did keep one good friend who was experimenting with me, but we kept things quiet and were very careful with how we acted.

But it does get better, at least in my experience- once I entered college. I went to a big university and made some great friends and finally managed to come out to the ones closest to me. They stood by me and there wasn't as much pressure or judgement as there was in high school.