Anyone autistic (asperger) ?

[gaypraha2]

I'm happy for you that you could be diagnosed at 10. The sooner the better specially before the teen years. And well yeah I was hugely bullied in school too just because , well at that time I was not really talking like them ( around 10-13)  ( I was like saying 'sir' or 'lady' to other kids  and that kind of things. sure I learned later to use more "normal" language) . Boys hit me a lot and I never reported it because I thought that was normal. Girls were making fun of me either treating like a retard or sexually teased me. I also have troubles with emotions and faces like you. Glad to know you'r okay with this. I'm too but only now. When I was a teen or young adult and totally on my own that wasn't easy. To the point I had trouble with the police and I was fired on my first day of a job at 20 for that. Cause I didn't usually smiled or when I did it seemed it wasn't appropriate.. Now of course I learned, by myself lots of things to do or not to do.  I think I'll stay alone now for the rest of my life. I wouldn't mind to have a wife and kid.. but I might transmit this "thing" to a child and I'd rather not and I doubt any women would want someone like me. Besides I doubt I could make her happy, I need to be alone too often. Gays I mean not all but most of those I met are manipulative , selfish and well I have lots of trouble to just lie..so..  (when my mom died I inherited some money.. some so called boyfriend made me waste it all because I was such a naive..) yep I think I'm done with relationship.

[ddraytton00]

I'm really sad to hear that. I again lie when i try to save myself from bad situations. My current teacher has told my mother that i'm smart, but my teacher hates how i use it wicked way and that he cannot trust me 100%. I'm not bad or evil, but i have gotten hurt so many times that i created twisted, cold and dark mind towards the big part of humanity. I'm animal lover (not in bestiality way) and i prefer company of animals. I still wish that i find some guy who will love me for who i am. Too many gays only wants looks and no personality. I have hard times with people, because many times i in accident annoy them. I'm very submissive personality and that usually brings the controlling and abusive "friends" to me. Who only want something from me or use me as their tool. I'm really kind to people i like and care about. If i hurt someone by accident, i start feeling really guilty and feel bad. I actually have problem with blaming myself about many bad things that happen to people close to me, even though i have done nothing. I was blamed in school, about things i didn't do. I was sacrifice and the one who got all the blame. In my current vocational school there is no problems like that, even though once that happened. I apologize a lot what i have done if i feel they are bad. I just wish people were more kind and nice.

[npn1024]

I'm pretty sure I'm an aspie, self diagnosed recently in my mid 30s. Always felt "different," but being gay wasn't it, and never really had trouble with social interaction (despite generally not needing much of it). I wouldn't say I'm smarter than anyone else- just that I'm driven by obsessive curiosity to figure out how things (and people) work. I test limits, sometimes with disastrous results.

I like me though.

[grover59]

I have Ausbergers and spent 21 years in an unhappy marriage.  The whole time I was appalled at the selfishness, greed, anger at my lack of anger.  Can I have a relationship with you instead.  Sex can be overrated, but sokmeone who understands when I want to cuddle or be alone without having to find an explanation would be very nice.  I'm bi and enjoy the differences and similarities between men and women. I would love to blend my personal zone with another occasionally.  But, for me, this world is a lonely place.

[gaypraha2]

npn1024; depending where you live you can be "tested". here in my country we have regional autism research center for kids and adults. you spend like 2 days doing tests interviews etc and then you get a diagnosis. Of course the local shrink can do that as well but it seems many doctors arent really aware of what asperger syndrome is  so it's best to see the specialists.( like ddraytton00 said he had to consult many docs before being correctly diagnosed , that was about the same for me). Besides once you are legally diagnosed you can have access to some treatments / help and things like that ( again depending where you live). But for me that was a bit difficult. Many people called me autistic when I was young even schizo.. I didnt wanted to admit that. So I tried to put this aside for sometime but then I had to face reality. In my country like I said that means being labelled and officially recognized as handicapped so It's a bit difficult to admit. I guess in the US that's not the case ( might be wrong ).

ddraytton00 : I can totally rely on what you say, I'm totally submissive and always attract the wrong crowd because of that. I 've also been accused of things I didnt do and then I admit to anything. I can tell you that because I'm writing ( oh yeah english is not my language so I'm sorry for any strange sentences  ;D ) but when it comes to talking well that's way more difficult, I usually cant really defend myself or sometimes people misjudge my intentions and I cant explain them they are wrong.. blaming myself for anything or everything that's just me hence I have to take antidepressant since I'm 18 ;D When you said you had to create a dark mind against humanity well I did about the same reading Schopenhauer and Cioran. theses guys think humans are bad, cruel and are happy to see others suffer. I think they 're so right. I started reading them at 14. It was good and not because it made me stay more away from others than I already was. I do love pet as well. I had cats since I'm 5. But my last cat died like 3 years ago. He meant more to me than any other human.

grover59 : Indeed a lonely, cold and hostile place

[ddraytton00]

Gaypraha2: Don't worry. Your sentences are good. English isn't my national language either. I'm sorry about your cat. My cat is still alive, but i thought about maybe getting dog (closest to wolf :3) I'm not talker, but i'm a writer and i always prefer communicate with text than a words. In my country it's really easy to get diagnosed these days, but when i was 10 it was hard. Also now things has gotten bad, because my main psychologist has changed 5 times and i need to tell every new one, about my past and personality. Only two were good and rest were really bad. The one old lady who said my sleeping problems were, because of coffee and energy drinks and i told her i don't drink either of those things, but she never really believed me. I have not so serious insomnia, but without medicine i can't sleep. I really don't know how to praise myself, but many has said that my imagination is so big and generous. I never really defended myself, but if someone hurts people i care about i will get really furious. I'm a big winter person and i love cold. Winter is only time of the year when i feel fully relaxed.

[Domosuke]

I am on the autistic spectrum and was diagnosed when I was 11. You would never know if I never told you.

It does cause issues with me befriending people and probably as to why I've never been in love or had a boyfriend. But it's alright.

[gaypraha2]

ddraytton00 : that's funny reading you coz I'v had same troubles. That's why I wrote some kinda  book for the shrinks coz explaining it all when you change that's boring. so now I give them the 300 pages and that's it. I can't tell many things if I can't write so It's best for them to read. insomnia is a big trouble to me. I didnt knew till recently it was related to being autistic. some neurologists say it's because some part of the brain doesn't work correctly and it involves sleeping. As far as I can remember I always had trouble sleeping. But be careful, I could sleep with benzodiazepine like lormetazepam, or Z drugs like Zolpidem / Zopiclone but it's dangerous . I'v been using these for 50% of my life started at 18 ( before that I slept like 4 hours a night taking melatonin in high school) and now I have memory troubles because of that. So the last 6 months I'v been trying herbs instead  (valeriane, scullcaps,hops,passion flower, melissa, californian poppy ) and antihistaminic like doxolamine. but it's not as good. so I dont know what you take but over the years it's bad for your brain. I always loved winter as well, the dark ( I hate too bright lights and the heat of summer, I hated going to the beach with my parents as a kid , I was reading my electronic books under pine trees and that's it).  I was born one of the days the night is the longest of the year ;D

Domosuke : Yep only now at my age I can seems to be like "okay' for sometime like at work as you and I dont tell most of the time, but that requires efforts and in the end it cost ( anxiety, depression etc) . When I was like 19-24 that wasn't exactly the same story. Coz I didnt talked much in group. ( if at all) . So when I had to go with some boyfriend to see his friends then other people were talking behind my back telling him ( he's strange, he's weird..). Now it's different. I guess with age and experience it's easier ( sort of…). But it only works for limited time. Now if you think it's alright that's fine but I guess that's also because you are young ( arent you?) . Later in life you might change your mind.

[Bluesurfer]

I've had a number of friends who are autistic and thought they were great friends and still are.  Are they different?  Well no more than my other so called normal friends although I love them all the same.  I hate it when people put labels on people.  I treat all my friends the same and judge them by their actions not their handicap.  And yes even the so called normal people have their own handicaps, they just don't recognize them themselves.  Just be yourself and you will find someone who likes you for you!  Good luck and it was great to read your stories.  I hope some people have an eye opener because of what you have written.  Take care :welco:

[JACK777]

One of my best friends brother is autistic. He is a very sweet kid. And because I have seen him grow up I do understand things that he communicates to me. But I am pretty unsure about his future and that makes me sad.