Relationship Issue Help Needed: My partner and his so-called friend
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I can't help feeling if it takes setting up cameras and tapping phones then the relationship may be beyond saving
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I can't help feeling if it takes setting up cameras and tapping phones then the relationship may be beyond saving
:true: Don't cling, better moved out (since it's L's house) and start afresh
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Lee (the blind guy) does receive government benefits in the amount of $700 a month (which I think is a horrible amount to live on). I am paying my part here and he pays some too! As far as cameras and recording what is going on…no...would never stoop to that, if that was the case I would just move on. Like I said Lee and William have been friends for 8 years, which is cool, but I feel William needs to stop all the calling constantly since Lee is in a relationship with me, William should understand that we are trying to build a life together. I can't find a way to tell William to slow it down or stop without Lee finding out and causing another argument. If I were William, I would leave them alone and let them have the relationship and not do anything to jeopardize the situation...I guess this is what I can not understand. Yes I agree it is a bizarre situation. Lee saying William was always there for me when I needed something....now I am here for him if he needs anything but the way Lee thinks is that since William and he have known each other and helped each other out for 8 years...William comes before me since I have only been in the picture 1 year...go figure...I don't see it that way at all. HELP!
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Let's say for a moment that there really isn't anything happening between them- that they're just close friends who've built a strong bond over 8 years. The fact remains that you're building a romantic relationship with him- and Lee has to decide where his priorities are. It's understandable that he has a certain amount of loyalty to his good friend- that speaks well of him in fact, but you need to have a long talk about boundaries and what he is willing to give up to be in a relationship with you.
Compromise is they key thing here. Yes he can be a good friend to William, but he also needs to give you priority since he's supposed to be trying to build a relationship with you. You aren't even asking to cut all ties (as tempting as that is).
In the end- we give priority to that which is closest and dearest to our heart. If Lee isn't willing to work with you and deal with your complaints, then he should just get into a relationship with William and you should move on as quickly as possible.
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The more you explain, the more it seems like Lee is just not ready for a mature sexual/romantic relationship with you (…if there is even a sexual component to your relationship in the first place). Lee has to want to stop being in contact with William so often, Lee has to want you in his bed without conditions, and it sounds like he has no real desire for those things. The more you try to force it, the more he will push back, however passively. Those two will get along just fine without you (or not), but as long as you stay in that situation, the longer you will be stewing in misery.
Each of us here has arrived at the same conclusion via different routes:Â You've given it your best shot, but now it's time to move on.
Again, all the best to you.
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The sex is good with Lee, so yes there is a sex in the relationship. But I will have to agree it is time to move on and I am working on that..when you have no money ( I am on disability as well) it is hard to start over and that is where I feel stuck in this situation. Thank you for all your advice and I am open to more!
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Jazzmale, I have to agree with everyone else - but I don't think there is even a case for issuing an ultimatum to Lee. Set yourself up with somewhere to stay & then tell him you're off. With the multiple daily phonecalls going on between L & W, they are obviously extremely close. The bedroom thing also tells me you are not his number 1. Ultimatum to Lee will just cause resentment between you and the pair of them & possibly drive their relationship underground. You are always going to be suspicious of that.
Do yourself a favour & move on, it will be hard for a while but someday I'm sure you will find someone that deserves you & treats you as an equal, not a retained servant
All the best mate.. -
( I am on disability as well)
…and you spent $500 on groceries, of which "stupid", unemployed, William, who steals all your boyfriends attention, ATE HALF?!? :crazy2:
Oh yeah, I would be livid! BTW, thanks for sharing your very personal story. I'm sure it will help many who will no doubt come along finding themselves in a similar situation.
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I have had heaps of relationship problems. Imagine if your friend told you the same story, what would you tell yourself.
It is very hard to see through the murkiness when you are in the situation but try and take a step back, imagine it ffrom a 3rd person perspective and give that person advice.
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UPDATE: I had a conversation with Lee (the blind guy) today and the relationship has ended. I will be moving out as soon as I can find a place to live. I was an idiot and I guess you live, love and truly learn.
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UPDATE: I had a conversation with Lee (the blind guy) today and the relationship has ended. I will be moving out as soon as I can find a place to live. I was an idiot and I guess you live, love and truly learn.
That's a good attitude to have. We all make mistakes but what's important is that we pick ourselves up, learn, and move forward. Best of luck to you in the future, and thanks for sharing your story. Now move on and find someone worthy of being in a relationship with you.Â
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UPDATE: I had a conversation with Lee (the blind guy) today and the relationship has ended. I will be moving out as soon as I can find a place to live. I was an idiot and I guess you live, love and truly learn.
Sorry for your loss man, but honestly I think its just going to open you up for something much better - Best of luck!
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I wish you all the best, jazzmale. And, no, you weren't an idiot
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UPDATE: I had a conversation with Lee (the blind guy) today and the relationship has ended. I will be moving out as soon as I can find a place to live. I was an idiot and I guess you live, love and truly learn.
Good for you, but do you have friends who can temporarily let you stay with them, until you find a place of your own. The longer you stay in Lee's house, I think the more it is harder for you to moved out.
Best of Luck to you
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This is almost similar with the situation I am in…
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It sounds like the two of them are a bit co-dependent on each other. Lee probably wants to have someone around to help him with things given his disability. William sounds like he doesn't have his act together and probably relies on Lee to an extent.
If you and Lee are seriously a couple then the bedroom belongs to you two. William can have the other room. Case closed.
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And the rest of the story…...Lee went ballistic last night when he realized I would be leaving soon and the William is out of state and can't afford to come to his rescue. He pushed me, slammed doors and was very mean and ugly to me. After all I have done for him. The sad part of this whole situation is that I have no where to go and I guess I will try to put my things in storage and live on the streets until I can find somewhere to live. I truly appreciate all of your advice and well wishes. Thank you!
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The sad part of this whole situation is that I have no where to go and I guess I will try to put my things in storage and live on the streets until I can find somewhere to live.
Otherwise, you could expect the heartache, drama & abuse to be ongoing as long as you remain under the same roof as "Lee".  You may want to consider going back to where you were 9 months ago when you met him online (…assuming that's not a bridge that's been burned).  Nevertheless, not sure where you are in the world, but be sure and check in with your local social service agencies, as there's likely to be shelters/programs available for homeless (LGBTQ) people who receive disability, to help you get back on your feet.  Good luck, stay strong.
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And the rest of the story…...Lee went ballistic last night when he realized I would be leaving soon and the William is out of state and can't afford to come to his rescue. He pushed me, slammed doors and was very mean and ugly to me. After all I have done for him. The sad part of this whole situation is that I have no where to go and I guess I will try to put my things in storage and live on the streets until I can find somewhere to live. I truly appreciate all of your advice and well wishes. Thank you!
I'm very sorry to hear this. Is there a local body you can go to regarding housing?
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I just truly wanted to thank all of you for your help and advice. i had no one to talk to about this problem and you all were very kind and gentle, warm-hearted and truly inspirational. I have posted before on another website gay forum and they were really nasty and unkind.
Again, I appreciate all of you and thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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