Relationship Issue Help Needed: My partner and his so-called friend
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http://www.wikihow.com/Know-You-Are-Being-Scammed-in-a-Relationship
notice how it says about constant phone calls being their associate telling them how to keep stringing you along.
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Funny they are on the phone talking now…I guess William is telling Lee goodnight (there is a 2 hour time difference). He calls when he wakes up, on his way to work, on his break, on his lunch, on his afternoon break, when he is on his way home and sometimes after dinner, then before he goes to bed....I am so sick of this I could puke. I guess I am the idiot and the stupid one for being so naive. Yes, he paid for gas when he could but he ate off of me as well. I bought $500 worth of groceries one month and William ate over 1/2 of it......I am considering looking for another place to live and not sure if I even want another lover. Loving someone has brought me grief too many times. Now they are off the phone and I get to hear it once again that if things don't go well for William and his 2nd new job in less than one month that Lee told William that he could come back here....I am closer and closer to being out of here! Lee who is totally blind will be lost without me...I bet if I left tonight William would be back in a week.....getting so over this and fast.
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I'm not sure if that is what is happening but the whole thing just sounds bizarre. Almost as if they are the couple, William was completely useless in being able to provide so they got someone else in to live off of. Or maybe he just pretended to be useless so that they could both live off of you?
http://www.livingthai.org/thai-girlfriend-scam.html
Notice on this url that it says that they get money out of people so that they don't have to go to work themselves.
It has a lot of elements of this online dating romance scams, only its not online its in person.
How did Lee cope before you came along? Probably stringing along some other poor sap. The USA pays social security benefit money to people registered blind so he won't be struggling financially.
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I am considering looking for another place to live and not sure if I even want another lover. Loving someone has brought me grief too many times.
We've all had THAT feeling before. You just have to be more careful, that's all. You're learning a valuable lesson right now.
Lee who is totally blind will be lost without me…
Yeah, don't kid yourself. I get the feeling that Lee probably knows what he's doing. In any event, keep your head up man. You'll get through this. Good luck, and don't be so hard on yourself. Like The Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz… Now you know you've got a heart, 'cause it's breaking.
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I hope that its just me being cynical but it all just sounds too suspicious. It could be completely innocent and Lee is oblivious to how much of a leech his "friend" is but the fact that they were sharing the bedroom whilst you were in the spare doesn't make any sense.
If they had a platonic relationship he would have had his own room and I doubt he would have given up his room for the boyfriend, who normally share a bedroom with their partner. I would wager a bet that he never slept on the floor in that room and been in your "boyfriends" bed the whole time.
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Funny they are on the phone talking now…I guess William is telling Lee goodnight (there is a 2 hour time difference). He calls when he wakes up, on his way to work, on his break, on his lunch, on his afternoon break, when he is on his way home and sometimes after dinner, then before he goes to bed....I am so sick of this I could puke. I guess I am the idiot and the stupid one for being so naive. Yes, he paid for gas when he could but he ate off of me as well. I bought $500 worth of groceries one month and William ate over 1/2 of it......I am considering looking for another place to live and not sure if I even want another lover. Loving someone has brought me grief too many times. Now they are off the phone and I get to hear it once again that if things don't go well for William and his 2nd new job in less than one month that Lee told William that he could come back here....I am closer and closer to being out of here! Lee who is totally blind will be lost without me...I bet if I left tonight William would be back in a week.....getting so over this and fast.
I'm sorry, but I have to ask this. Are you the only one in the household providing income?
If Lee is completely blind, he should be getting disability for total blindness as one of the above posters said. Where's that money going to? If he's not getting it, are you sure the guy is even blind? Stranger things have happened!
You need to run, and you need to run fast! The fact that you know that William would be right back to fill your spot tells you all that you need to know.
I think in this situation, if you truly do care about Lee, it's time to issue an ultimatum. It's really a "you have nothing to lose" situation here.
It's either you or William. And if it's you…then it's time you step up and be the other half in this relationship and start setting your own rules.
1) William is allowed only a certain number of calls per week, none of this 8 times a day crap.
2) He will not set foot back in YOUR apartment (since from what info posted, you're paying all the bills).
3) Lee being blind has clouded your judgement. He might be blind, but I bet he can do anything you can plus some if need be.Best of luck to you. But it sounds like you need to step up to the plate and demand some changes.
And you sleeping in the guest room while the friend sleeps in the room with your boyfriend????? What the literal fuck???????
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You could set up cameras to try and spy on his phone calls? Find out what they are actually saying in these 8 phone calls a day.
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I would wager a bet that he never slept on the floor in that room and been in your "boyfriends" bed the whole time.
Yup, I agree! Like, why would he be on the floor?
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Well its clear by their relationship that W and L are not friend but they are not partner either. They are friends with benefits (not in term of sex) W is blind and L is helping him since many years so W was to return by helping him that's why he bring him to new place.
I would suggest you to end this relationship not because L and W are partner but they are like friends forever. Even if they end up their friendship, it would be difficult for W to live without L because he is living with him since 8 years.. They are dependent on each other emotionally and financially…
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I can't help feeling if it takes setting up cameras and tapping phones then the relationship may be beyond saving
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I can't help feeling if it takes setting up cameras and tapping phones then the relationship may be beyond saving
:true: Don't cling, better moved out (since it's L's house) and start afresh
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Lee (the blind guy) does receive government benefits in the amount of $700 a month (which I think is a horrible amount to live on). I am paying my part here and he pays some too! As far as cameras and recording what is going on…no...would never stoop to that, if that was the case I would just move on. Like I said Lee and William have been friends for 8 years, which is cool, but I feel William needs to stop all the calling constantly since Lee is in a relationship with me, William should understand that we are trying to build a life together. I can't find a way to tell William to slow it down or stop without Lee finding out and causing another argument. If I were William, I would leave them alone and let them have the relationship and not do anything to jeopardize the situation...I guess this is what I can not understand. Yes I agree it is a bizarre situation. Lee saying William was always there for me when I needed something....now I am here for him if he needs anything but the way Lee thinks is that since William and he have known each other and helped each other out for 8 years...William comes before me since I have only been in the picture 1 year...go figure...I don't see it that way at all. HELP!
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Let's say for a moment that there really isn't anything happening between them- that they're just close friends who've built a strong bond over 8 years. The fact remains that you're building a romantic relationship with him- and Lee has to decide where his priorities are. It's understandable that he has a certain amount of loyalty to his good friend- that speaks well of him in fact, but you need to have a long talk about boundaries and what he is willing to give up to be in a relationship with you.
Compromise is they key thing here. Yes he can be a good friend to William, but he also needs to give you priority since he's supposed to be trying to build a relationship with you. You aren't even asking to cut all ties (as tempting as that is).
In the end- we give priority to that which is closest and dearest to our heart. If Lee isn't willing to work with you and deal with your complaints, then he should just get into a relationship with William and you should move on as quickly as possible.
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The more you explain, the more it seems like Lee is just not ready for a mature sexual/romantic relationship with you (…if there is even a sexual component to your relationship in the first place). Lee has to want to stop being in contact with William so often, Lee has to want you in his bed without conditions, and it sounds like he has no real desire for those things. The more you try to force it, the more he will push back, however passively. Those two will get along just fine without you (or not), but as long as you stay in that situation, the longer you will be stewing in misery.
Each of us here has arrived at the same conclusion via different routes: You've given it your best shot, but now it's time to move on.
Again, all the best to you.
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The sex is good with Lee, so yes there is a sex in the relationship. But I will have to agree it is time to move on and I am working on that..when you have no money ( I am on disability as well) it is hard to start over and that is where I feel stuck in this situation. Thank you for all your advice and I am open to more!
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Jazzmale, I have to agree with everyone else - but I don't think there is even a case for issuing an ultimatum to Lee. Set yourself up with somewhere to stay & then tell him you're off. With the multiple daily phonecalls going on between L & W, they are obviously extremely close. The bedroom thing also tells me you are not his number 1. Ultimatum to Lee will just cause resentment between you and the pair of them & possibly drive their relationship underground. You are always going to be suspicious of that.
Do yourself a favour & move on, it will be hard for a while but someday I'm sure you will find someone that deserves you & treats you as an equal, not a retained servant
All the best mate.. -
( I am on disability as well)
…and you spent $500 on groceries, of which "stupid", unemployed, William, who steals all your boyfriends attention, ATE HALF?!? :crazy2:
Oh yeah, I would be livid! BTW, thanks for sharing your very personal story. I'm sure it will help many who will no doubt come along finding themselves in a similar situation.
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I have had heaps of relationship problems. Imagine if your friend told you the same story, what would you tell yourself.
It is very hard to see through the murkiness when you are in the situation but try and take a step back, imagine it ffrom a 3rd person perspective and give that person advice.
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UPDATE: I had a conversation with Lee (the blind guy) today and the relationship has ended. I will be moving out as soon as I can find a place to live. I was an idiot and I guess you live, love and truly learn.
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UPDATE: I had a conversation with Lee (the blind guy) today and the relationship has ended. I will be moving out as soon as I can find a place to live. I was an idiot and I guess you live, love and truly learn.
That's a good attitude to have. We all make mistakes but what's important is that we pick ourselves up, learn, and move forward. Best of luck to you in the future, and thanks for sharing your story. Now move on and find someone worthy of being in a relationship with you.
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