Hookup Phobia

danijelr15

Personally I believe it's a sign of maturity so why don't you stop trying to hook up and start looking for something more meaningful.

Spending hours online, meeting and talking to people, only to back out last minute is hardly a sign of maturity. This appears to be a case of antisocial personality in which person has a hard time communicating with new people a.k.a. strangers. It's a common thing to be afraid of unknown. Human brain interprets these fears as danger, therefore leading to instinctive human reaction - flight. However, usually body is stronger than mind. So when the penis yearns for sensation or the booty itches (or both), one turns to online hook up, talking and sending sexies, only to repeat the same thing yet again - run away before the date. If one doesn't find an exit out of this paradox, his future is likely filled with cats, gardening, emo music, googling cyanide, etc.

So I guess it's time to grow some balls and man up.

ism

You can always try meeting someone face to face for a coffee first (next to home) before you decide whether to hook up or not with them. At least this way you get to see who they are like first.. talking or chatting on hookup apps doesn't always get you clear indications of who they are.

I have lots of hookups that turned into friendships! I just go out and have coffee with them and they are all aware that we have no intention of hooking up again.

As for STD's.. it's not something preventable so the best way is always get a check once every 3 months (for those sexually active) or being abstinence. The chance of catching something is really up to luck so unless you're quite unlucky the chance is still quite low.

J

Minerboh80

What's STD?

MrMazda

STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease) is sometimes also referred to as STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection).

In my case, I have the "grand daddy" of them all… I have HIV

morganstan

I get the fear it is hard to meet people online that just don't want to have sex immediately. Most of the sites are all about hookups.

SemenDemon

I have pretty crippling anxiety. Generalized anxiety, but also pretty extreme social anxiety. "Hooking up" has never been my thing because of it. When I have casual sex, it's usually with someone I've met unplanned. It just happens in the moment if a guy I happen to meet is into me and makes it known, but never through an encounter set up online.

Truth be told, I don't like planned, or even unplanned hook ups very much. Because of my anxiety problems, I have a lot of trust issues as someone else mentioned, and it's hard for me to get into it with someone I with who I haven't developed a substantial degree of intimacy and trust.

Truth be told, I enjoy sex a lot, but I'd prefer to just have a steady partner due to the difficulty I have in getting comfortable with new people. I probably sound crazy, being in my mid-20's, but I really just want a steady one-guy relationship. I'd much prefer intense sex with a single person I trust enough that I can let go of my anxieties and really get into it with than a lifetime of fumbling, nervous fucking I hadn't really been prepared for, or a hookup that requires all kinds of very impersonal stat swapping and evaluation for a one-time fuck that might end up being unenjoyable.

I suppose we have individual reasons for our discomfort with these things, but the point is, I don't think it's all that strange. I'm sure there's plenty of guys just like us in the world, we just don't encounter them online because they're seldom seen on dating/hookup websites, and if they are, they (and I) get scared away the minute someone starts paying attention to them. ::)

hotdutch

It's just frightening when you go to the place of the person, things are kinda dark and you only can think: Okay, what if he is a serial killer and kills me right now? Instantly i recap all my life, so most hookups on grindr (where i go directly to the person's house) for me have a bit of passing-away experience for me. I generally don't like to go out at night, although it's more difficult somehow to find partners during the day.

But that's what gives us phobia, the unknown. It "might" be a psychopath, 99% of times may not be but there's still the 1%. I feel kinda scared too when i have sex with a stranger, even if it was safe-sex, and then some weeks later i get a flu or something. So far nothing happened with me, but i confess it's pretty terrifying.

gaypraha2

indeed I'm on grindr and a psychopath gnagnagna ! >:D

sakyo

@danijelr15 @hotdutch
Both of you are 100% right, I always think "what if this guy just want to find someone to beat up/rob or a serial killer?", especially if he seems a bit out of the league (no I don't mean those spam bots that opens with "hi there sexy"). However if you would like to be cautious then you probably should aim for non-sexual meet ups rather than wasting someone's time setting up something that you know you are likely to bail out of. I state in my profile that I'm not looking for hook ups yet still get guys message me with "want to have some fun?", at the same time when I message someone that says they are after friends only yet they don't reply - though probably because I'm not goodlooking enough to be his friend haha.

I'm also into fetish play where I says in my profile that I want to meet for a non-sexual session first before it progresses any further, yet still get guys setting up meetings and not turning up, it's funny that I can predict their grandma will fall ill or they will get a cold on the day we were meant to be meeting up. To help to screen the weirdos, I only will consider progressing further once we meet for a coffee first, if they are genuine enough to show up knowing there is no sex involved, they will be worth your time.

ffuck

The first rule of the Gay Slut Club ("gay slut" not used as an offensive term, more like a pride term) is:

TRUST YOUR GUT!!!

Even if your mind tells you that there is nothing to be afraid of, even if your cock is hard and needs another guy desperately, your gut feeling is the only thing you should always listen to. It doesn't matter if it has to do with hookups, dates, cruising, or anything else. If you have a feeling that you shouldn't go, then don't. If however you don't have that gut feeling but you still can't manage to hook up with a guy:

arranging a meeting in a public place helps a lot and will ensure safety (cause most of the time the said "gut feeling" comes the instant we meet for the first time irl)
do not trust people who won't share pictures, their first name, their age, etc. Secrecy on those basic things is always fishy.
having a drink and a bit of chit chat with someone before you do the do takes some of the anxiety away. No need to go fancy, it's not a date after all, but you can still have a beer and talk a bit. Also, if you know the other person at least a bit makes the sex better.
last but not least, do not trust your boner: if you are horny, you are willing to have sex with anyone no matter if it seems fishy or if the guy is a creep. Don't go out of your league unless you are feeling comfortable (i.e. do not go with a guy much older than you unless you are comfortable with the idea and it's not making you feel nervous or scared).

I hope I helped you at least a little bit