Age Gaps

[juancho]

age for me isn't much of an issue, as long as:

1. he's more than 18
2. doesn't look like a twink (talk or act like one)
3  he doesn't look as old as his age or older (getting old is fine as long as you don't look old! hehehe)
4. his body doesn't look too old and wrinkly…
5. we mesh well together
6. he doesn't have lots of OGTs
7. he's clean and takes showers at least 2x a day! (i take 2 - 3 a day... i'm living in a hot country! LOL)

[quiquito]

I think that whatever you feel is right.  I know plenty of people who think more than a one or two year gap is weird, but as this thread shows, there are plenty that think much wider gaps are OK.

I've always found that the "half your age +7" 'rule of thumb' works quite well when trying to think of how likely your lives are to be cohesive. Like if a 20 year old is used to hanging out with 30 year olds, then dating a 30 year old will seem normal, however if he isn't, then a relationship might be difficult. And vice versa.

I think that it's all about how you see them. Do you see them as an equal, or see them as being younger or older.

By last bf was 3 years younger than me, but I often forgot that. It certainly felt like we were the same age, hanging around the same sort of people.

[eobox91103]

@quiquito:

I think that it's all about how you see them. Do you see them as an equal, or see them as being younger or older.

I think brother Quiquito has nailed it, so to speak:  Age isn't important if the two guys consider themselves equal in the relationship.  My last partner was 23 when we met; I was 38.  But we respected each other as equals, and even though I was in a more comfortable financial position, we kept that equal as well.  It was a fine and beautiful situation.

I might add that "age gaps in relationships," is quite distinct from age gaps for random, probably one-off, sexual encounters.  I am flabbergasted by the number of 18-20 year olds who pursue me (I turn 45 tomorrow) with great vigour–they want to "learn" about sex and gay life, both in the theoretical and practical sense.  I'm not averse to a romp with a young fellow (as long as he's legal), but with most of them, I have so little in common.  I can enjoy an hour or two of sex, but a weekend in my mountain cabin?  Perish the thought!

[Niddler]

My opinion is concerning relationships since I'm not really into hookups. I'm going to say that age doesn't really matter as long as there is a connection and as quiquito said, you are able to see yourselves as equal partners.

I met Ray when I was 25 and he was 52, so about 27 years difference there. We've been together for a little over four years.

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[farkme]

erm 10 years? depending on how young the younger person is, i mean if they are under 21 i would say around 5 years between them or less if lower then that becomes under 16

[Bottom1979]

@DAB:

I'm 21 at the moment, and a scoutleader and COC agent (telling young people about homosexuality as part of their education). Those two volunteer jobs involve me and a whole lot of young people, basically, this puts me in a good position to figure out what 'young' is too young.

I'd say 16 is acceptable for me for sex. But the boys are definitely never mature enough for me to consider a relationship. I need 'em older. And really, I'm not the kind of guy that does sex but not love; so I doubt I'll ever do 16 at all. 18-20 will be closer to what I like most.

I've done some cubscouts leadership as well, the cubs tend to have young dads and there was this incredibly attractive blond man, he must have been about 30-35, with the most amazing smile. I'd totally do him, and he's old enough for a relationship for sure. But dads tend to be committed to womankind, so that never flew… yet.

I'd say a loose ten years either way (older/younger) seems acceptable. Starting from 16 years as the youngest. Sex with someone under sixteen is plainly illegal, so that wouldn't be acceptable anyway - but you get the point. Then again, I don't think anyone ever loses their taste for the beauty of youth.  ^-^

Given your position I think it would be best to stay away from anyone under the age of 18.

[notquiteme]

1)  if it's about searching a social site for a partner, I would say roughly that I wouldn't click (or take seriously) most profiles that are under 20 YO.  I'm 30, and I've noticed that those under 20 may be a bit more prone to being too idealistic.  They can be flattered into infatuation, but will eventually wise up.  On the max side, I've been attracted to bears/chubs who were older than 40, so I guess the 10 year rule seems to apply as well.  However, if you were only 20, you shouldn't be going out of your way to find a 10 year old boyfriend.

2)  if i were to meet a guy who might not fit in my age range, but we hit it off, certain things could happen anyway, as long as we both consent.  My age range is mostly a gauge about what a guy might want.  If he's only 20, then he might not be ready to settle down, and if I'm ready to settle down, it really wouldn't work out, would it?

Age is just an easier way to filter search results hehehe.

[knoghoti]

I think the generally accepted formula is

f(x)=[x/2]+7 truncate numbers to right of decimal point
f(x)=minimum age allowed to date
x=age of older person in relationship

eg1 x=37; f(x)=25 ∴12 year gap?
eg2 x=54; f(x)=34 ∴20 year gap?
eg3 x=18; f(x)=16 ∴  2 year gap? and go directly to jail (in USA)

Love and attraction throw any developed formulas out the window;
I was just having fun.

[MrMazda]

Age difference depends on a number of things. Even in a case with a larger age gap, there isn't necessarily a problem. Although it is true that in a lot of cases, the younger population do tend to have a tendency to grasp to an infatuation, this is not always the case. I can think of a few cases off the top of my head where the age difference is almost 30 years and it works no problem. It all depends on what you both really want and how happy that you make each other. It really all boils down to the chemistry.

[notquiteme]

pheromones.  pure, hot, sweaty pheromones.

[MrMazda]

@notquiteme:

pheromones.  pure, hot, sweaty pheromones.

True… But misleading. Pheromones will increase a sexual attraction between two people in an increasingly arousing way, however they do not necessarily make a person physically attractive to another person, and they also do not necessarily make a person's personality compatible for everyone. In some cases they may actually only end up causing an infatuation that appears at first as a sexual lust between two people, which is most common in the case in humans during until several years after puberty.

As for the sexual side of it, I would agree that absolutely pheromones do greatly intensify a sexual experience.

[bare4bear]

I love older guys and am not at all interested in guys my own age. I am 20 and prefer guys that are 40-60. I do however, like girls and women 17-30ish. (17 is legal for my age in IL)

[Guest]

Well U got that right, its pretty much the same here in australia

@knoghoti:

I think the generally accepted formula is

f(x)=[x/2]+7 truncate numbers to right of decimal point
f(x)=minimum age allowed to date
x=age of older person in relationship

eg1 x=37; f(x)=25 ∴12 year gap?
eg2 x=54; f(x)=34 ∴20 year gap?
eg3 x=18; f(x)=16 ∴  2 year gap? and go directly to jail (in USA) :police: >:D

Love and attraction throw any developed formulas out the window;
I was just having fun.

[MrMazda]

Speaking of age gaps, just remember that in most countries, 15 will get you 20!

[in2unow123]

@MrMazda:

Age difference depends on a number of things. Even in a case with a larger age gap, there isn't necessarily a problem. Although it is true that in a lot of cases, the younger population do tend to have a tendency to grasp to an infatuation, this is not always the case. I can think of a few cases off the top of my head where the age difference is almost 30 years and it works no problem. It all depends on what you both really want and how happy that you make each other. It really all boils down to the chemistry.

I very much agree with your thoughts here.  I have found that the younger guys in their late teens and early 20's, can be attracted to older men anywhere from their 30's to the 50's, usually either because they have "father complex issues" and require a strong, masculine, mentoring/coaching personality in their lives [but it is not long term - it is a phase that can last a few months, a few years, at best as the person becomes more confident in being gay]  vs. those who truly have a "polar" desire and attraction by nature (Polar = older men, grey/white hair, etc.) and are "hard wired" in their sexual desire and attraction to be with them.  The majority of the relationships that do occur, I have found, are based upon the "father complex" element, and thus do not last.  The "polar" relationship, are fewer, but are very real and last.  Boiling down to Chemistry, as you note.  - Speaking with authority.  haha  :cheers:

[bluehue]

my last bf was 46 when we started dating. i was 23. the sex, conversation, and security was great, but all i want now is someone who is in a similar stage in life as me. i've been single for 3.5 years now.. go figure. 

[mrmodest]

I do not mind age differences as long as there is chemistry and mutual interests. The oldest guy that I was in a relationship with was 31 years older than me. There's more to someone than their age permits, personality plays a major role in how you view someone as well. If you approach this question with an open mind you would be amazed what all you can accomplish as far as a relationship goes.

[mikeemountie]

I tend to agree with what bluehue said - at this point I am most interested in guys up to 10 years older or younger so effectively 40's and 50's are fine. Younger guys just haven't faced all the issues including ageing itself and I feel to really have the best chance at a deeper connection it has to be at least partially based on similar situation which means having been through lots of ups and downs in life. Not that younger guys can't be mature and experienced but time is time if you get my meaning. Of course, for a more casual deal like a hookup age is unimportant as long as legal and above. But the thread is mainly about relationships. There is however one challenge in an older person relating to a person in their age group in that as we get over 40 and 50 we can become set in our ways and I do question the ability to compromise in that situation. I recently dated a guy a few time who own his house and has a very busy career and I do wonder really if he could compromise enough for another. I don't have such attachments but I may not be a very typical older guy.  A younger guy is maybe more adaptive and willing to change but also less stable long term. Compatibility on multiple levels is the issue in any case age or not and in my case it's slim pickings so the age thing may be less important even for ltr material!

[myrea]

… acceptable? So we are looking for a formula or number to descriminate if one guy atracts us or not, or if one couple looks good together or not? Personally unless is 18- I don't care, and I don't care about other couples being socially ok or not, society in general has idealistic twisted sights, so why am I looking for aproval of others, unless it's blatant descrimination of anyone rights, and that refers to abuse too, why would anyone care, it's overgeneralizing and steryotiping.

[Apollo24]

I very much agree with your thoughts here.  I have found that the younger guys in their late teens and early 20's, can be attracted to older men anywhere from their 30's to the 50's, usually either because they have "father complex issues" and require a strong, masculine, mentoring/coaching personality in their lives [but it is not long term - it is a phase that can last a few months, a few years, at best as the person becomes more confident in being gay]  vs. those who truly have a "polar" desire and attraction by nature (Polar = older men, grey/white hair, etc.) and are "hard wired" in their sexual desire and attraction to be with them.  The majority of the relationships that do occur, I have found, are based upon the "father complex" element, and thus do not last.  The "polar" relationship, are fewer, but are very real and last.  Boiling down to Chemistry, as you note.  - Speaking with authority.  haha

Someone else mentioned that this entire topic was an over-generalization and I have to agree to an extent….but for the sake of debate (and I love a good debatable discussion), I will have to admit that the aforementioned quote is mostly true, and this is coming from a guy that began a relationship, at the age of 24, with a man (who is still my husband to this day) that is 15 years older than I....so it's unsettling for me to think that people might believe I am influenced by some deep seeded emotional fracture and not the more endearing possibility that two individuals can find all they are looking for in another person, regardless of their age.  Now I won't pretend that this is always the case, nor that most younger adults are capable of processing the true nature of their decisions when it comes to relationships or anything that requires true commitment on their behalf....flights of fancy come to mind, with little regards to the future and its inevitable demise....that sounds harsh now that I've said it....lol.....generalizations may not be fair or acceptable when it comes down it to, but there's a reason that we can call them generalizations....it's majority....shrugs  Of course, there's exceptions to every rule and assumption, and to those exceptions are where I like to look....if only to believe that love transcends all :twg:....laughs at my attempt at sogginess

I hate to think that in all my existential contemplation I have chosen to ignore or am unable to realize exactly what he said, most age separated relationships are caused by "father complex issues"....well that would definitely make this awkward on my part.....haha....but as it stands my husband and I have been together for almost 6 years, with no foreseeable end in sight, he's my best friend, my lover, and I don't feel compelled to rip his head off (unlike with others of my own age)....HA....the short hand of this long winded speech is, it's probably 50/50....lol....half of them are making up for some internal deficit and the other half are just older than their true years and trying to make the best of it.....

On the other hand I might just be eccentric and should probably stick to what I'm good at..... :bj2: