Living together before marriage

raju82

I think it is a good idea to live together before marriage. It helps.

andergarcia

Definetely necessary, in my opinion, to know your partner and to check the best (and the worst) things of living together.
I live with my partner and we are not married yet, and I can't feel happier than living together without getting married. I get to know him better and he gets to know me better, too.

jbo1

Is this a cultural thing in certain countries? I know a total of zero people who waited until marriage to move in together. People around here only get married after they've lived with their significant others for some time.

AnythingOld

In this day and age, I probably would never get married. 'Cause these days, I just think it's better to live separately (unless something catastrophic happens in you or your partners life that requires you to live together. Given our culture today, I just don't think it's all that easy to say.... "Yes, I want to spend the rest of my life with you." I'm not saying you shouldn't, but damn, we all need to be more careful (including myself).

flozen

A very sensible timeline, Ricky, and that period saving up money together is also a good way for anyone to help evaluate his betrothed's commitment to the relationship and overall stability.

Here in NYC, many gay men in mid-career own their own apartments, but they are not always large enough to easily accommodate a partner. So, the courtships can go up to wedding day living separately.

And if both guys own single-occupancy flats of which they are fond, I know several who marry/commit and opt to keep both places. Each week is a mix of staying at apartment A, or B, or sometimes a night apart due to work demands, etc.

Very urban, indeed. I bet it makes you glad not to face such challenges!

jbo1

@flozen I didn't even think of that scenario... I'm way too deep in the suburbia wasteland, haha.

mgsex

Living together is very hard. Lots of fights

unoqualsiasi

Io non ho mai sentito la necessità di sposarmi. Lei neanche.
Quando abbiamo deciso di andare a convivere abbiamo fatto una festa con un piccolo ricevimento e poi un viaggio, come fosse un viaggio di nozze.
Fu bello vedere entrambi le famiglie attivarsi per terminare i lavori nella nostra nuova casa entro la data prevista del trasloco. Organizzare la festa, le tappe del viaggio..
Fu un pò come organizzare il matrimonio, ma senza lo sbattimento della cerimonia e i rischi legislativi che comporta.
Da quel dì sono 14 anni che conviviamo senza problemi..

bi4smooth

@unoqualsiasi said in Living together before marriage:

Io non ho mai sentito la necessità di sposarmi. Lei neanche.
Quando abbiamo deciso di andare a convivere abbiamo fatto una festa con un piccolo ricevimento e poi un viaggio, come fosse un viaggio di nozze.
Fu bello vedere entrambi le famiglie attivarsi per terminare i lavori nella nostra nuova casa entro la data prevista del trasloco. Organizzare la festa, le tappe del viaggio..
Fu un pò come organizzare il matrimonio, ma senza lo sbattimento della cerimonia e i rischi legislativi che comporta.
Da quel dì sono 14 anni che conviviamo senza problemi..

Or, in English, he said:

I have never felt the need to get married. Neither did she.
When we decided to go to live together we had a party with a small reception and then a trip, as if it were a honeymoon.
It was nice to see both families take action to finish the work on our new home by the scheduled move date. Organize the party, the stages of the journey ..
It was a bit like organizing the wedding, but without the hassle of the ceremony and the legislative risks it entails.
Since that day, we have been living together without problems for 14 years ..

In my own experience, marriage is a construct that was largely based on keeping mothers and fathers together for the betterment of their children. That certainly didn't mean all married couples HAD to have children - but it is instructive to know that in some religions, it IS expected - and that being barren (unable to have children) is a legitimate reason/cause for divorce/annulment in most of those same religions).

I was married once (and had kids)... we're divorced now, and I will not seek "marriage" again... though I would like to find another romantic partner...

Lodi

I always wonder why some cultures prefer marriage before living together. it's far safer to do it the other way around IMO

Youngkink

I feel like with the global housing crisis as it is, we're returning to a place where cohabitation becomes a financial imperative. I'd be the first to advocate for independent dwellings to allow greater freedom for radical polyamory, but instead we're weighed down by the gravity of financial necessity.