My parents want me to marry a girl

idesigay

…just to add the points and advice mentioned above... is that if you DID marry a woman, as in what would be a FAKE and totally false marriage, and under the situation of totally false circumstances... it would eventually be DEVASTATING to the lady, very likely RUINING her life. Many women have actually committed suicide, following the realization of what was, in reality, a sham marriage... totally in deception, humiliation and betrayal.

MOVING to a major city (where sexual freedom is much more acceptable) and taking your chances there... would seem to be the only way out of this nightmarish situation you are currently in.

I have personal experience in this, having gotten married myself... then living the hell of living out my sexual needs and search for male love, in hiding... and eventually giving up, some 22 years later, with 3 kids... to finally be with my male lover and boyfriend at that time.

It devastated my family, and my kids won't even talk to me nowadays; so many ruined lives... all for the sake of trying to comply with other's sense of "normalcy".

I too can relate to not being able to tell your family you are gay. I was well into my forties, before I could tell my mother... and I never could manage to tell my father, in his lifetime.

Today? Finally, at 66, having moved from the USA (which is VERY homophobic, don't ever believe otherwise) to Thailand... which culturally is VERY accepting of gays... to be living now, over 10 years, with my Thai boyfriend, my best friend, lover, and boyfriend of my lifetime, totally accepted and embraced by his family...

...is kind of a happy ending, to the long nightmarish existence and path I chose (in ERROR)... when deciding to marry a girl, at 22.

Advice? Don't DO a sham marriage, move to a major city, and live your life, as you feel inside, being honest to your heart and true identity... and avoid destroying countless lives, by your honesty.

Good luck on your life path.... :cheerup: :ghug: :inlove:

Hugs,
Pawpcorn

Thank you for sharing your experience. But trust me, If i would be at your place, i would probably kill myself before getting marry a girl. I can not even imagine this. I have even seen straight porn for few weeks to be straight guy but this does not work for me or you can say that its actually made me more gay.. The vagina looks too unattractive to me, even if i compare man ass with women, i would still go with man.

I know the girl my parents was me to get marry it is not force but they have asked me about my choice already and i told that I dont have any in my mind. So they have shared their choice. In short, my parents are all ready and waiting for my Yes only.. and here i am dying day by day…

matwlep

You mentioned you wanted to study in another country? That is a good idea, and if you go you don't have to come back. You can find a job in that country, which both gives you a visa and a reason to stay. Then you can keep saying you want to earn enough for a house and to support a family once you have one… Also, if you have an independent life abroad and make enough money for yourself, it gives you different standing if you ever decide to tell your parents....

brianboru72

@idesigay:

What about you, are you going to marry a girl, if not then what are you telling your parents for not marrying a girl?

Well, what I did was come out and tell them that I'm gay. It was difficult, and they weren't happy about it- but they stopped pushing me to get married. After that day, we don't really talk about it-I don't bring guys to meet them, and they don't ask about my love life.

I know it might be different for you, but if you think you and your family can handle it, I think you should consider coming out to them. For me it was worth it for the freedom I now have.

myrea

In your culture… no ... do not tell the family you are gay, get your study visa go to a nice place, get a job there and the most time you are far away from them, the more your mind will change about returning and several ideas... Do not put your life in danger and put in your head that you do deserve to be happy. Just end that fear of rejection already and leave that situation in the past.

SilentReside

I have not been in Pakistan, but how about a White Marriage? A White Marriage is a covered marriage of fake straight couples (or pretending straight couples), between a gay man and a lesbian woman who use it as a cover for their private freedom. It is a nice way to be able to live the gay life you want, but also keep your clueless family happy. Your lesbian wife will only cover you and you will only cover her, and nothing more. No shared life, no shared family plans. Just a marriage-cover.

In Greece, where homosexuality is legal and protected by the laws and constitution, sexual discrimination against gays is strictly prohibited. But even so, laws do not stop homophobia from existing in parts of the society, especially in distant, rural areas. Gays who happen to be living in small villages where societies are more conservative, often hide their sexual orientation from their parents, and an option is to move to bigger cities where life is liberal. However, for those who could not want for whatever reason, to move from their villages to cities, always have the option to seek a White Marriage, (aka find a Lesbian and make a covet marriage). This works well, and the ads for it can be found in newspapers or on internet.

I don't know how well the things in Pakistan, but perhaps you could try a White Marriage with a Pakistani Lesbian woman? However, this means your parents will have to accept and welcome a completely unknown woman in their family that is not a cousin to you, especially if your family has no lesbian women available for you in it.

unpleased

Pakistan for a girl is a very unequal country, with different conditions depending on rural/city areas, social class, financial situation.
But generally a women is subordinated to a man, and not encouraged in developing her own mindset.

Being gay is difficult for him, how is he supposed to find an open lesbian girl interested in a marriage ?
I bet there's not a marriage agency open 4 this -.-''

google is our friend :
[ [url=http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-Looking-For-Marriage-Of-Convenience–-Gays-Lesbians/5287255]http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-Looking-For-Marriage-Of-Convenience–-Gays-Lesbians/5287255 ]
oh yeah she is in England ! xD

Please let us know how this is gonna end ! We are with you :bighug:

QCDelights

As it turns out my best friend is an Indian woman with a similar problem, her family wants her to get married and keeps throwing guys at her all the time. In response she fled the country for 7 years to pursue her education in America (where we met). Just tell your family that you need to better educate yourself. Although with the recent election results America might not be your best option, but England has some excellent schools and Germany has free colleges you could attend to better educate yourself. Once you have a degree you never have to return home, unless of course you're a member of a royal family, in which case they will find a way to lure you back. Still you should be able to support yourself and that's all you need.

raju8219

I wonder what happened to you after so many years. I live in Europe. I have a pakistani friend who is married but gay in closet. Tries very hard to balance both his needs. wants to live a life with a man but now has two kids and wife is too controlling she know about his orientation.

fun17

@raju8219:

I wonder what happened to you after so many years. I live in Europe. I have a pakistani friend who is married but gay in closet. Tries very hard to balance both his needs. wants to live a life with a man but now has two kids and wife is too controlling she know about his orientation.

Balance?

utf16

I live in a very conservative European country. Being gay is legal everywhere in Europe, but in my region "traditional family values" prevail over basic human decency. Family bonds are praised and cherished. Homosexuality is a banned subject in public.

When I was about 9 or 10 years old, I was starting to figure out something was very wrong with the environment I was living in. I was starting to see that this permanent state of poverty and shortage of food correlated well with that "family bond" fetish. I was surrounded by families, none of which were functional, but still cherished for absolutely no reason.

The day I finished school and got the diploma, at the age of 18, I packed my stuff (a couple of books basically) and moved out to another city to study and never came back. At that time I had equivalent of 25 € in my pocket. I received almost no financial support from my "family" and during the next 3 years or so I was very dependant on State support and social security. University studies are completely free in my country.

Since the day I left, my parents played absolutely no role in my life.

Not sure if this scenario could have worked in Pakistan or in other muslim country, but it is still something to think about.

manrmen 0

@utf16:

I live in a very conservative European country. Being gay is legal everywhere in Europe, but in my region "traditional family values" prevail over basic human decency. Family bonds are praised and cherished. Homosexuality is a banned subject in public.

When I was about 9 or 10 years old, I was starting to figure out something was very wrong with the environment I was living in. I was starting to see that this permanent state of poverty and shortage of food correlated well with that "family bond" fetish. I was surrounded by families, none of which were functional, but still cherished for absolutely no reason.

The day I finished school and got the diploma, at the age of 18, I packed my stuff (a couple of books basically) and moved out to another city to study and never came back. At that time I had equivalent of 25 € in my pocket. I received almost no financial support from my "family" and during the next 3 years or so I was very dependant on State support and social security. University studies are completely free in my country.

Since the day I left, my parents played absolutely no role in my life.

Not sure if this scenario could have worked in Pakistan or in other muslim country, but it is still something to think about.

in pakistan, if a family member stains the honor of the family, they usually kill that member. It's usually reserved for girls who had sex outside of marriage, or got raped, or is seen acting inappropriately. But a gay guy in the family is also dishonor so getting outed can get you thrown from the roof or killed outright. that's why he's scared. if he gets married, then he has to have sex with his wife. if he's gay, he won't be able to do it properly.

utf16

@manrmen:

in pakistan, if a family member stains the honor of the family, they usually kill that member.

I’m not sure I agree with the word "usual" in this context. What you describe in your post is that in Pakistan every family is a mafia and a prison at the same time and is composed of pure psychopaths (and all of this literally). I am absolutely sure situations like these do happen, but they are not usual, because we’re all human beings and we’re not that different. We tend to show more respect and love to people with whom we live.

If what you say is absolutely true and that person risks his life by living at his parents, it would be insane to continue doing this. If for some reason I knew my parents were about to kill me, I wouldn’t just stand here waiting for my death. Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s completely insane to live with psychopaths.