How old were you when you came out?
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I was 22 and so afraid when I did… but now everything is cool (im 26 btw)
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I think I had an atypical coming out story. From what I gather from my gay friends and even the posts here, I feel most gays come out to a close friend first, then other friends, and then their parents and family much later. I didn't.
Obviously, you usually acknowledge it to yourself way before ever saying it to anyone else, so that was normal for me, and I admitted I was gay just before my 13th birthday (so technically I was 12). However, I didn't tell a soul until just before my 18th birthday. I'm 26 now.
The first person I told was my mom. It was interesting, because I assumed that she and my dad had their suspicions, but it was never acknowledged. When I told my mom she broke down into tears, but it wasn't like she was angry or anything. She and I laid on my bed together, and she cried saying how she had to rethink how my whole life was going to be. She was like, now you won't be getting married, and I won't have grandchildren by you, etc. It took a while for her to realize, even though I kept telling her over and over, that none of that had to change; the only thing different would be that I would be with another man instead of a woman. Finally she calmed down, said she loved me, gave me a big hug and kiss, and then within minutes she was forcing me out of the closet to other family members.
She made me call my grandmother next and tell her over the phone. She was in her 80s at the time, and I was freaking out because I was like how is this old-fashioned 1920s-born woman going to react to me being gay? Is she going to have a heart-attack? Is she going to disown me? That thought was terrifying to me because I was the closest to her of her 13 grandchildren. So my mom spoke to her first made a little small talk and then was like, "Your grandson has something to tell you," and she then handed me the phone. So I had no choice but to tell her, but I was kind of beating around the bush a bit, making small talk with her as well, but then finally I told her I was gay. Her reaction was funny, because she said, "OK, so what? That's what you had to tell me? What's the big deal?" So that too was a relief. I cried of happiness and we laughed and talked for a while longer together, and then I got off the phone with her.
Then my mother was like, you have to go tell your father, who had been in our living room with the TV on without a clue in the world that I had just come out to my mom and grandmother. I was terrified of telling him as well. He was always the person I was most fearful of telling because he had the stereotypical man's-man macho job. And I just had that fear that if he found out he'd be the one to disown me out of everyone. So we had this big sectional couch at the time (big L-shaped) So he was at one end of the couch, so I went in and sat at the complete opposite end (of the "L"). I sat down and said, "Dad I have something to tell you, and I'm afraid of how you'll react." He was like "Well what is it?" So I paused, gathered myself together and then just said it, "Dad, I'm gay!" His reaction was the most priceless of all. He literally said, "And you think I haven't figured that for years now? I love you son, nothing is gonna change that!" And of course I started crying again and we hugged, and it was all good.
The funny thing is my parents said they didn't want me to tell my brother, who was only 13 at the time, because they didn't think he was mature enough. They didn't think he was too immature to understand what it meant, they just didn't think he would be an adult about it, and not think it was weird. So we agreed not to tell him until a later date.
The next day, I told about 3 friends in school, but I asked them to keep it a secret which they did. Months later I started, right after high school graduation I started coming out to a number of my other classmates, even those who used to torture me calling me a "fag" and "gay" just because they suspected it. However, when I told even some of them, many of them apologized for the shit they had given me for years, and said if they had actually known, they wouldn't have been so harsh on me.
It was sometime about a year later, when I was home from a break in college (I think it was spring break actually, so pretty much about 1 year exactly after coming out to my parents) that my mom and I told my brother. He was actually really mad, not because I was gay, but because he felt hurt that we kept it from him for a year.
Then it was about a year later that my mom started nonchalantly outing me to the rest of the family. My ENTIRE family and extended family are Republicans, and every single one of them was accepting of my sexuality, so that puts to rest some of the myths that ALL Republicans are anti-gay.
I also didn't address my coming out experience at college, which was probably more terrifying than telling my parents and high school friends, since I was off on my own, and felt I had to come out to three roommates whom I didn't know from Adam, and had no context as to how they would react.
So if anyone is interested in that story I'd be glad to share it as well, but this post is already so long, and maybe some of you will be like… "Dude, wtf? This thread topic was literally just asking how old you were when you came out, not your fucking coming out life story." HAHA.
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I think I came out when I was 19 or 20. My friend asked if I was gay and said he didn't care if I was or not. I came out to my parents about a year later and they didn't have a problem with it either.
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To myself at 22
Family 25
Friends - later and over the years. It was complicated. -
I was just 16 when I came out to my mom. She heard I was kissing a guy in the park. Shouted at me for it. I told her he was my boyfriend. She slapped me in the face. I shouted "I'm gay" louder.
Think she was more annoyed about the guy I was kissing who is now my ex who I live with.
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26yo
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25
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24 now but haven't come out..
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23. Best thing I ever did.
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21
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not yet
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late 30's and have not yet considered doing it. too stressful to think about.
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I was 14! hard days
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In 1985 I came out in high school when I was about 15ish.
I kept trying to change it till about 20, then I just accepted it coming out to everyone after.
Oddly, my super religious Catholic family was super supportive but my Backwards Baptist other side rejected me utterly.
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In 1985 I came out in high school when I was about 15ish.
I kept trying to change it till about 20, then I just accepted it coming out to everyone after.
Oddly, my super religious Catholic family was super supportive but my Backwards Baptist other side rejected me utterly.
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Coming out to my family (indirectly) at the age of 28. They knew.
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It's a process - I came out to my best friend when I was 14 (1975), I came out to my family when I was 17 (1978), I've been functionally out to EVERYONE since I moved back to Canada in 1986 (I was 25).
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never in this life. It will put myself and business in danger. If i have afterlife and still love my brother I will try to come out
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