Does your own orientation find you unattractive?

gaygaye

gaygaye, I think that many gay men across the world share your experience. Rudeness, insensitivity, extreme superficiality, very high standards…...

It is interesting that you're from Turkiye. Where in Turkiye do you live? Where did you learn to speak in English?

I learnt it from gay porns Just kidding. I got english courses before university. I live in Izmir. It's more secular and open minded rather than other cities but that doesn't help me about my personal life at all.

Opiam

I totally understand what you are living,I'm going through the same thing.

gaygaye

I can't even look at myself. So how can I blame the people?

XFER

Well, I live in Mexico, and your first post is 100% me. We're both even 35! I also went a bit further and tried suicide, but it didn't work. I still daydream about finding a partner someday, but I haven't even kissed a guy before. The one night stands I have had didn't involve love, only sex, and that's sad.

I'm ugly, but not THAT ugly! I have had two compliments on my looks twice before in my life. But weird enough, both were by guys who were passing through. One in bicycle and another in a bus, so there was no way I could have interacted with them. Other than that, no one ever compliments my looks, except aunts or something like that.

In my case, I have to add I am schizophrenic and take meds to keep me controlled. Which makes a mess of life, cause I was forbidden to work, so I don't even frequent other people. I stay at home all day long. Count your blessings, maybe those guys who look at you in the street, are gay and found you attractive. So just keep looking at them, or if they passed by, turn your head to see if they're still looking :afr:

Good luck on your quest for love! (and your english is really good!)

pilgrim

Everyone has different tastes. I think being funny and nice is more important than how someone looks.

bvhgfyt

@pilgrim:

Everyone has different tastes. I think being funny and nice is more important than how someone looks.

True, a good person goes a longer way than someone with a pretty face. "Unattractive" doesn't always refer to the physical appearance of someone. I find people attractive as I learn their kindness, sense of humor, passion, etc.

bvhgfyt

In short answer form, give yourself time. Pain in life is unavoidable, but it allows us to have empathy and understanding for others. Do whatever it takes to fight your pain, be confident, and come to terms with who you are. In the words of Tyrian Lannister: "Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor and it can never be used to hurt you."

In a more thorough response, here are few things:

Serious Relationships: Quality over quantity. I'm a gay man of 22 that has been with only 1 man, but we separated because of differences. He had redeeming qualities though: In his eyes, I was the hottest, best boyfriend he ever had. I thought he was super cute too. He also helped me come out of the closet, and for that, I am grateful. We broke up last December, and do I feel lonely? Yes. But will I ever settle for someone that doesn't think I'm the hottest, best boyfriend he's ever had, and I feel the same? No. I will never settle, because it will never work out. Find someone that you think is perfect, sees you the same way, and you two will have a full life and enjoy each other's company. Anything less than that is not worth your time, no matter how hard the loneliness hurts. Anything less will hurt you more.

Physical Appearances: We don't choose who we love. Looks are important to initial intrigue, in my opinion. Because the concept of beauty is so subjective, it is consequently not superficial. People have defined the desire of a beautiful appearance as superficial. I for example am drawn exclusively to chubby guys. I can't have the same passion with a slim or muscular guy because they don't make me feel the same. It's like me trying to explain why I'm gay to begin with, I can't, and I can't force myself to love someone I don't. The majority consider fatness to be a turn off, so when there's a chubby guy that is proud his size, it's literally the most attractive thing in my eyes, to know he loves himself. If you don't feel comfortable in your own skin, then do whatever it takes to be comfortable. Lose weight, get piercings, grow a beard, shave your beard, wear these clothes, wear those clothes. Being hot is all about confidence.

The Gay Community: Do what makes you happy. There was a time I hated on the gay community, but now I believe everyone should just be themselves and do what makes them happy. Here are some things have helped me come to terms with being gay: homosexuals will always be a minority, and heterosexuals will always be a majority. With that in mind, know that the odds of gay relationships are much slimmer because there are fewer of us. Also, men tend to have quite the sex drive. Put two of them together with no fear of pregnancy, and it starts to make sense why some like to sleep around more than others. Does that mean you have to like it too? Absolutely not. There is nothing wrong with those that sleep around, and those that don't. It's about having an understanding with the other person, because we all want different things.

moonmonday

Everyone has made great points here. Something I'd just like to add is, you can't really assume that just because someone shares an orientation, they all think the same about beauty or attractiveness. I can say with absolute authority that is simply not true.

Even if you're just looking for sex or hook-ups.

It is true that, without a doubt, you are someone's pinnacle of beauty.

Every single person is someone's idea of a dream come true.

I used to not think this…but when I thought about it, I was making judgements based on pretty superficial qualities and trends in the first place rather than analysing the data logically.

My first experience at a major BDSM gathering taught me otherwise, but it's not just a kink thing, though I tend to find that kinkier people tend to have a broader range of their ideas of attractiveness.

Also, a lot of people -- not all, but I'd say probably most -- tend to have different ideas of attractiveness as they grow older. They're not hormone-addled, sex isn't as mysterious and alluring and all-encompassing, and personality and other traits are more important, as well as appealing on a number of levels.

But no matter what, you can always guarantee: there are always going to be people out there who find you attractive more than just about anyone else on earth. No matter how down on yourself you are, you are someone's ideal.

antstorm

if i could say something in Turkish first to the OP
intihar etmek sorun değil hayat hiçbir zaman kolay da değil sen Türkıye'yı boşver.cikabilir sen terk et , eşcinsel icin turkiye boş

even though Turkey , most people don't know this gay fact , decriminalised homosexuality in 1858 ,before any other nation on this planet
life is hard being gay in turkey and its two fold , from the religious and from gays themselves
the Turkish mentality of gay's is radically different to say my nation of birth Australia or the UK USA etc , you are seen as still a" man" if you only Top whereas if you bottom you are seen pretty much seen as a female , sort of akin to the fa'afafine of polynesia.
and treated with disrespect.

and then there is putting up with that stupid religion Islam , but i wont go there.
my friend , get out of Turkey , sure it the country of my heritage , and i love to visit and speak the language of my culture , but i know that i can come back home and not have to worry if im going to be killed for being who i am.

my mum however ..LOL is constantly on my back to find a nice Turkish or Jewish boyfriend cause its closer to my culture ….sigh Turkish mums

lloydd6

wow I love the replies in this thread and really took comfort in all that was said (my partner just dumped me)

unfortunately, I have to agree that the gay scene is not so friendly and it seems almost a dream to meet anyone new after so long in a relationship - because I'm not young or thin and have imperfections. I also don't dress trendily or feel like gossiping about other people's clothes

I wish there was a gay hippy commune to run away to and live the simple life, but here in the city is chaotic and stressful

I cling to the idea that we are all someone else's "cup of tea".. pretty much based on the reasoning that I have a taste in men that other people would probably find gross - so here's hoping someone else out there has the same ideation and wants some of me hehe