Dealing with homophobic friends
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If they dont support you that means they are not your friendds.I try to keep distance
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Friend in need is a friend in deed, if he is a real friend hi will support you.
yeah, that discribes the shortest way
absolutely on point -
The most homophobic men I have ever known in life, turned out to just be secretly worried about being a homosexual themselves. Whatever your friend's deal is, his hateful rhetoric is not healthy for ANYONE to be around. Cut him loose, and move on with your life. He's got issues to deal with himself before he can be anyone's true friend.
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In my opinion, having friends that you consider homophobic when you yourself are gay is very toxic and damaging to your self esteem. I know it's tough, but you have to consider how close you really feel to him, and if having him as a friend is worth it. In my life, one of the best things I did for myself was filtering homophobic people out of my life. You have to either come out to him, or let him know that you don't want to hear homophobic language and sentiments. It will become clear whether you should remain friends with him or not after that.
I'd say you have a couple options next time he says something homophobic and you're in a situation to actually talk (meaning no other people around to make you both feel uncomfortable): A) Say or imply that you don't have a problem with gays or being gay, and see what his response is. B) Ask him WHY he feels that way about homosexuality, and see what his response is. C) You could always just come out to him, but that may be too much at once for the both of you. I'd save this for after you have probed him a little more.
Wouldn't a real friend accept you for who you are, regardless of his prejudices? For all you know, he could be struggling with it himself, as others have suggested. While that's not guaranteed, if he IS struggling with it, you could be doing him a favor by discussing the issue openly with him. If he's simply never been exposed to gay people in his life, you're still doing him and yourself a favor by discussing it–if he really likes you as a person, he'll try to understand you rather than shunning you. If you don't feel safe talking to him at all about it, I'd just try to find other friends--ones that you know won't have a problem with you being gay.
Again, I know it's tough, but think of it as you giving yourself permission to be accepted. You should not have to put up with someone talking negatively about you, directly or indirectly. You deserve to surround yourself with people who know all of you and accept all of you. In order to avoid rejection, you must first accept yourself, and put up with no less from others.
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omg almost the same for me. I had a pretty homophobic girlfriend (girl who is a friend)
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i say tell him, if he cant handle it, then he was never meant to be your friend in the first place
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As long as you don't feel you would be in danger by doing so, I say tell him. I recommend finding a non threatening place to tell him as well. If your in college, your dorm room is not a good place to have this conversation. I've had friends in the past who were slightly homophobic tell me that me coming out to them and then hearing my story actually made them think the issue over and gave them a different perspective and now they are great GLBTQ allies. Whenever possible I think it is our responsibility to educate people on how we're just like everyone else and just as deserving of respect as anyone else. If it works out, be prepared for 1. Your friend either to be super sensitive in trying not to offend you, 2. Your friend continuing to make homophobic remarks without realizing it. 3. Your friend completely ignoring your sexuality, or 4. Your friend to think your coming out to him because you have feelings for him. For 1. you'll want to let your friend know you don't want them walking on eggshells around you and you'll be honest if something does offend you and be open to discussing it. For 2. you need to be patient and explain what the homophobic remark is litterally saying i.e. 'that's so gay for that's so stupid/feminine/uncool is not just a saying but a method to belittle gays and make being gay synonymous with something undesirable', how it makes you feel, and how it could make other who overhear feel 'good place to quote that GLBTQ teens are at extremely high risk of suicide and being exposed to intolerance increases that risk. For 3. you really have to get it through your friends head that taking an interest in your dating/love life does not mean that your going to start blabbing about your sex life and talking about giving blowjobs and anal sex. 4. Tell your friend to get over himself, just like he doesn't find every girl attractive, you don't find every guy attractive, and just like he, i hope, doesn't force himself on women, you do not force yourself on men.
Best of Luck, Let us know how it goes !
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yeah definately good luck man, hope it turns out great!!
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I had some homophobic friends until I realised they were not actually my friends.
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if he is ur best friend, he will understand
if he doesnt understand ur situation, well, time to dump him… lol -
:cry2:
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This is a no brainer.
He is not your friend. Stay the hell away.
Have some self respect. -
Growing up I had a homophobic best friend and yet when he found out about me he was okay with it.
Tell him, if he doesn't accept you, then fine you have one less hater in your life.
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He isn't your friend. There are plenty of people who will accept you. Go be friends with them instead.
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Friend in need is a friend in deed, if he is a real friend hi will support you.
yeah, that discribes the shortest way
absolutely on pointi agree also, the best way forward is to tell him discretely. and if he values your friendship he'll stick around, trust me bro
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It happened to me. I was really sad first, but after a lot of talk and not so easy days, we get close and today he is no longer homophobian
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They aren't your friends. Or. Are gay themselves
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Just to share… Almost all of my friends are homophobic. But I was really surprised that they didn't stop communicating with me even after my coming out. They told that this fact doesn't change what kind of person you are.
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I'd join the rest here, stay away. Also, just one small hint for you, the only acquaintance that had an issue with my coming out turned out to be also gay much later so there you have it….
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Personally yeah I would keep a distance. If he/she is a straight up homophobe and there's no talking sense to them then why be friends with them?
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