How do I know I can tell a specific friend that I'm gay?

[Sigulf]

By my experience, trusting your intuition is best. I had made what you'd call a "best friend" on 10th grade. We were really quick to get to know each other. We met at September for the first time, I remember I came out to him 2 months later and as I expected, he was okay with it. I was confident about his open-mindedness so I went on to even confess my kinky side and all went well.
If you aren't sure like I was in the situation above, another way is to get to hear their view on homosexuality. It's probably the safest and most effective way if you have the patience and the skills to draw his opinion out. For example, after my so-called "best friend" wanted to have more friends than just one and stopped talking to me (having me as a friend caused a lot of people to avoid him since he was hanging out with an expressionless weird guy), I started talking with another guy who at first sight seemed somewhat mature and smart, though not a great student. I managed to indirectly mention homosexuality, knowing he wouldn't resist commenting on it. His view was completely immature, could easily be related to the opinion a person from the middle ages would have and he was immensely radiating insecurity. This caused me to gradually withdraw from this person.

On side note, I experimented by telling a trustworthy, smart, but religious girl I sometimes talked to at school via Facebook. It worked well, better than I initially expected, even though she was hesitant on accepting homosexuality. It probably gave her space and time to think it over.

[hypnotec]

@Sigulf:

By my experience, trusting your intuition is best. I had made what you'd call a "best friend" on 10th grade. We were really quick to get to know each other. We met at September for the first time, I remember I came out to him 2 months later and as I expected, he was okay with it. I was confident about his open-mindedness so I went on to even confess my kinky side and all went well.
If you aren't sure like I was in the situation above, another way is to get to hear their view on homosexuality. It's probably the safest and most effective way if you have the patience and the skills to draw his opinion out. For example, after my so-called "best friend" wanted to have more friends than just one and stopped talking to me (having me as a friend caused a lot of people to avoid him since he was hanging out with an expressionless weird guy).

Oh that's very sad. So in the end he wasn't really your best friend because he was more concerned for his popularity than your friendship.

Bytheway, talking about my specific friend, one day I invited him to stay at my home one weekend, kinda like "Pijama party" or so. And before going asleep the first night we spent a little time chatting so I asked him about 2 guys he introduced me, that are obviously gay at first sight, about if he was still in touch with them, and this is what he told me: "actually not much anymore, you know they are gay right? Well you see, we were mates at one optional subject class, so one day we went for lunch together, and meanwhile, they kept asking me who of us you think the most pretty? And other kind of very personal and uncomfortable questions. So from that day on I do greet them when we cross paths, but nothing else."  So then I asked him: so, are you uncomfortable with gay people? Then he answered: I don't know, maybe only those who are intrusive and scandalous". I really don't know what conclusions to make form that. Anyway, we spent a long time without seeing each other during summer and after vacation we cross paths in the school and he was really glad to see me, he even hugged me twice in front of many of his classmates (I must say we're not in the same grade, but he's the kind of popular and charming guy who makes friends with almost everyone)  one for hello and one for good-bye. That was the sweetest thing a friend of mine has done. Something tells me I can entrust him my secret, but at the same time I'm not so sure and scared of losing him. My intuition is a bit confused.

[YohioLover]

@hypnotec:

It really scares me to death to loose a friend just for that. Are there any signs for knowing that?

You need to be clever in this case. When you're out point him that you think the guy across the street is gay and ask your friend what does he think about that. Also, ask him what does he think about gays in general. If you detect any sign of aggression - you better speak of it no more and keep your mouth shut.
I did that once and it turned out the guy who I thought he was my best friend doesn't deserver that title at all. He once said if he discovered I had "gone to the left" (that's a Bulgarian expression I can't translate in a better way) he would send me to the ER in a comma.

[nashribeye]

So I'm way late to the party with answering your question, but here's my opinion. Nobody ever knows for sure whether they can tell a specific person they're gay, because everyone has a unique reaction to the news. It could be good, could be bad, could be "Don't give a fuck", could be "I know". I say if you don't want to hide it, just tell them.

[alveer]

just tell him

[mcmxc1983]

I would not tell if it is not necessary.
Friends, family, maybe colleagues, … I will say

[kagaminelen]

In my country, girls acpt more than guys
don't know how it is out there
but it can be a tip…

[revenger]

Trynna use aleatory gay guys example to discuss wit him about dat! If u feel he's not friendly just don't tell! u don't have to tell anyone about your sexuality

[tataryahoo]

I never told anyone, but I'm not hiding in the closet. If they are close enough, they will know by themselves. If they don't know about me, it means they are not close enough. This topic is sensitive in some community so I don't expect to get into the awkward situation.

[pwa]

If you scare, then do not tell them

[asuka]

Maybe try and figure out what their general understanding and opinion about gay people is…

[LloydeRos]

I know this thread is pretty old, but it's been very interesting to read the responses. I hope the OP found the answer he was looking for.

[JACK777]

One thing I have learned is that straight guys can actually tell when someone has a crush on them… But it would be good to know about his feelings on the subject. But don't tell him that you like him... the end result WILL BE BAD.