Does your own orientation find you unattractive?
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Kind of the same here. Been outright rejected because I'm not bulky or muscular a lot of times.
Had to twist my personality around just to try to meet a standard, and it ends up being a one-time thing.
Makes me want to vomit. -
gaygaye, I live in the US and have felt everything you've expressed. Everything changed for me when I started dealing with myself and my own issues. I started therapy and shortly after did I experience my first real relationship. I'm not saying therapy is the magical answer. What I am saying is when you heal yourself and love yourself more, you'll draw more quality men in your life.
See, it's not how other people see you, it's how you see yourself. Trust me. I personally don't try to be the most handsome guy in the world with the greatest body. That's no guarantee you'll get a quality man. What I do is try to be a beautiful person inside and out. I'm compassionate with people, i try to be compassionate to myself and I take care of myself physically. I focus on health moreso than trying to impress people. I meet many more guys now than ever before, but as GabrielK said "most men are idiots." LOL
Hang in there buddy, it's possible for you. You're worthy of it.
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I hope so, but my expectations are not high. I care myself more rather than before, and they say I have a style but I don't know. I'm lack of passion and faith, I think. And it is not a easy thing to build a serious relationship in a conservative country with full of homophobic people. It is not a rare thing that some homosexuals are getting married to a woman to accomodate themselves into the society.
By the way, I ran across an Italian's facebook account yesterday and searched through his friend list. There were about 5000 people, nearly all of them was male and muscular, bearded guys who follow each other. All of them look same, their profiles are only full of narcissistic selfies and interiors which consist of rich, extravagant houses or places. I could count only a couple of handsome guys but hey, I think those self-obsessed guys think they are god. It is unbelieveable these people live on Earth. It was first for me. Don't offense but Italian guys are not so handsome (even some of them have cosmetic surgery and botox) but if I coincidentally met one of these guys, I'm sure they would ignore me instantly (as I would ignore them lol). What I understood from these profiles is they worship only EXTREME manliness. Oh, I'm still in shock, is this a porn nightmare?
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yes, i am really skinny, low weight, tall, so i look ugly, + i have bad fun sense, so i surrended to try be something i am not, maybe i havent boyfriend/girlfriend, but i have few great friends and i am me and that is all that matter
i am trying to grow little muscle, because i wanted be bigger a long time, but i have crazy strong metabolism, i am eating a lot, but still 57-58 kg -
I hope so, but my expectations are not high. I care myself more rather than before, and they say I have a style but I don't know. I'm lack of passion and faith, I think. And it is not a easy thing to build a serious relationship in a conservative country with full of homophobic people. It is not a rare thing that some homosexuals are getting married to a woman to accomodate themselves into the society.
By the way, I ran across an Italian's facebook account yesterday and searched through his friend list. There were about 5000 people, nearly all of them was male and muscular, bearded guys who follow each other. All of them look same, their profiles are only full of narcissistic selfies and interiors which consist of rich, extravagant houses or places. I could count only a couple of handsome guys but hey, I think those self-obsessed guys think they are god. It is unbelieveable these people live on Earth. It was first for me. Don't offense but Italian guys are not so handsome (even some of them have cosmetic surgery and botox) but if I coincidentally met one of these guys, I'm sure they would ignore me instantly (as I would ignore them lol). What I understood from these profiles is they worship only EXTREME manliness. Oh, I'm still in shock, is this a porn nightmare?
Funny thing is, an italian friend told me those self-obsessed guys are called "lesbians" in the italian community^^
Because they only sleep with guys who look like themselves. And yes, stay away from narcisstic assholes.And I know some turkish gays, but as everywhere it is a matter of the place you live, if it is a big city etc.
I can only again say, stay strong and learn to love yourself first. -
I'm good-looking and stay fit.
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Interesting but lately I began to notice while I'm roaming in the streets some men lay their eyes on me passing by me. I don't know why and I don't know why that doesn't work on the net.
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I'm good-looking and stay fit.
Well, good for you.
OP has serious problems and the courage to share them but at least we now know that you're good-looking… ::) -
Interesting but lately I began to notice while I'm roaming in the streets some men lay their eyes on me passing by me. I don't know why and I don't know why that doesn't work on the net.
Because the men like what they see :cheesy2:
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Interesting but lately I began to notice while I'm roaming in the streets some men lay their eyes on me passing by me. I don't know why and I don't know why that doesn't work on the net.
Because the men like what they see :cheesy2:
I think they are looking to my beard (Most women look other women too, that doesn't mean they are lesbians), otherwise if they are looking at me because of they like me, that doesn't help me at all lol. Also lots of people look at their smart phones while they are walking. They don't look around, they don't see the world, I cannot see their eyes, that's already sad.
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I don't know how things are in Turkey - but I can tell you from my experience in America, Germany and Switzerland that if you are looking for sex outside of a relationship in frisky places like Craigslist, Gay bars, bathhouses, Gay Cruises etc….you will find the gay community EXTREMELY shallow - lot of emphasis on abs, big dick, bubble butt, drop dead gorgeous looks, tanned skin etc. etc. Gay Porn further accentuates that stereotype and can make a person have low self esteem. But if you are looking for a long term relationship with 1 guy - it is possible to find one...regardless of your body type and how you look.
You seem like a really nice guy. Keep an open mind and look in the right places - don't know what they are in Turkey. But hang in there - you will find your Mr. Right soon.
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You seem like a really nice guy. Keep an open mind and look in the right places - don't know what they are in Turkey. But hang in there - you will find your Mr. Right soon.
Thank you for your positive words. I don't know really where they are. But I know most gays use hornet and twitter which I never used.
Maybe they are out of reach just like me. -
gaygaye, I think that many gay men across the world share your experience. Rudeness, insensitivity, extreme superficiality, very high standards…...
It is interesting that you're from Turkiye. Where in Turkiye do you live? Where did you learn to speak in English?
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gaygaye, I think that many gay men across the world share your experience. Rudeness, insensitivity, extreme superficiality, very high standards…...
It is interesting that you're from Turkiye. Where in Turkiye do you live? Where did you learn to speak in English?
I learnt it from gay porns
Just kidding. I got english courses before university. I live in Izmir. It's more secular and open minded rather than other cities but that doesn't help me about my personal life at all. -
I totally understand what you are living,I'm going through the same thing.
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I can't even look at myself. So how can I blame the people?
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Well, I live in Mexico, and your first post is 100% me. We're both even 35! I also went a bit further and tried suicide, but it didn't work. I still daydream about finding a partner someday, but I haven't even kissed a guy before. The one night stands I have had didn't involve love, only sex, and that's sad.
I'm ugly, but not THAT ugly! I have had two compliments on my looks twice before in my life. But weird enough, both were by guys who were passing through. One in bicycle and another in a bus, so there was no way I could have interacted with them. Other than that, no one ever compliments my looks, except aunts or something like that.
In my case, I have to add I am schizophrenic and take meds to keep me controlled. Which makes a mess of life, cause I was forbidden to work, so I don't even frequent other people. I stay at home all day long. Count your blessings, maybe those guys who look at you in the street, are gay and found you attractive. So just keep looking at them, or if they passed by, turn your head to see if they're still looking :afr:
Good luck on your quest for love! (and your english is really good!)
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Everyone has different tastes. I think being funny and nice is more important than how someone looks.
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Everyone has different tastes. I think being funny and nice is more important than how someone looks.
True, a good person goes a longer way than someone with a pretty face. "Unattractive" doesn't always refer to the physical appearance of someone. I find people attractive as I learn their kindness, sense of humor, passion, etc.
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In short answer form, give yourself time. Pain in life is unavoidable, but it allows us to have empathy and understanding for others. Do whatever it takes to fight your pain, be confident, and come to terms with who you are. In the words of Tyrian Lannister: "Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor and it can never be used to hurt you."
In a more thorough response, here are few things:
Serious Relationships: Quality over quantity. I'm a gay man of 22 that has been with only 1 man, but we separated because of differences. He had redeeming qualities though: In his eyes, I was the hottest, best boyfriend he ever had. I thought he was super cute too. He also helped me come out of the closet, and for that, I am grateful. We broke up last December, and do I feel lonely? Yes. But will I ever settle for someone that doesn't think I'm the hottest, best boyfriend he's ever had, and I feel the same? No. I will never settle, because it will never work out. Find someone that you think is perfect, sees you the same way, and you two will have a full life and enjoy each other's company. Anything less than that is not worth your time, no matter how hard the loneliness hurts. Anything less will hurt you more.
Physical Appearances: We don't choose who we love. Looks are important to initial intrigue, in my opinion. Because the concept of beauty is so subjective, it is consequently not superficial. People have defined the desire of a beautiful appearance as superficial. I for example am drawn exclusively to chubby guys. I can't have the same passion with a slim or muscular guy because they don't make me feel the same. It's like me trying to explain why I'm gay to begin with, I can't, and I can't force myself to love someone I don't. The majority consider fatness to be a turn off, so when there's a chubby guy that is proud his size, it's literally the most attractive thing in my eyes, to know he loves himself. If you don't feel comfortable in your own skin, then do whatever it takes to be comfortable. Lose weight, get piercings, grow a beard, shave your beard, wear these clothes, wear those clothes. Being hot is all about confidence.
The Gay Community: Do what makes you happy. There was a time I hated on the gay community, but now I believe everyone should just be themselves and do what makes them happy. Here are some things have helped me come to terms with being gay: homosexuals will always be a minority, and heterosexuals will always be a majority. With that in mind, know that the odds of gay relationships are much slimmer because there are fewer of us. Also, men tend to have quite the sex drive. Put two of them together with no fear of pregnancy, and it starts to make sense why some like to sleep around more than others. Does that mean you have to like it too? Absolutely not. There is nothing wrong with those that sleep around, and those that don't. It's about having an understanding with the other person, because we all want different things.
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