What would you do if you fall into love with a straight man

yababylol

I am sure it wouldn't be the easiest thing to deal with, but I think I would just try and be friends with him. It would be better to have him in my life than to just have him as a memory.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say you're speaking from the perspective of someone going through something like that himself?

Correct me if I'm wrong. I'm just speculating.

I'm going to have to disagree, though … I've done the whole burning-a-candle-for-someone thing before, and the only thing that has ever helped me move on was that final stage of simply not being around that person anymore.

It royally sucks, but if there's a way to permanently turn that switch off in your head that made you love that person, other than coming to outright dislike them through bad turns of events .... I don't know of it. Or maybe it's just me.

Distance is what heals in love situations that can never be resolved. Why throw yourself (and your heart) onto the daggers of your own personal tragedy past the moment you can force yourself to stop?

jaymac

don't do it. you only live once.

pkfegroup

Lots of good comments here.

First and for most, you need to be clear on what you are feeling. You can desire him, be infatuated with him, lust for him, and even love him. But you need to be absolutely sure what you feel.

Once you figure out the honest feeling you have, realize he is going to want something different.

If what he is willing to offer you now is sufficient for the rest of your life, then accept what it is. If not, you have to ask yourself "Am I willing to lose what I have now?" If not, then accept his companionship and friendship and move on.

It takes two people to make a relationship.

cutebros

you'll find someone better soon enough and forget he ever exist. or may be that's just me. i fall in love with just anyone hmmm…

fresnopup

I fell in love with a straight man. It was too wonderful to resist. I stayed grounded in reality and made a deliberate decision to cherish as much or as little that he could give me. Total acceptance of him, unconditionally. Not one other person in his life be they friend, family, wife, etc gives him tthat same appreciation and he knows it. He enjoys having that special thing I have for him.

jokoracetho

Just leave it!!! Trust me, it only ends ugly… You don't deserve that. It's impossible to change his sexual preference

vaylon 0

I can see falling in lust for a straight guy but not love. That requires much more than the straight guys going to give.

Minerboh80

@mygayworld:

:blownose: i think it is a tough thing

You have no idea.
I will share my experience!
In Greece, the military service is something that every man has to go through.
When i reported for duty, i met this guy…. he was my sergeant. You wouldn't say that he was attractive, but, man, sure he held my heart captive.
I serviced 9 whole months in the region of Evros with him but i never dared to reveal my feelings for him.
The enviroment plus the fact that he was straight and fallen for a slut of a woman, forced me to hide my feelings for him and we remain friends until we were seperated since he was transfered into another unit in Greece. My heart was utterly shattered.
Ten years later i learned that he was married and he had a daughter with the bitch!
I was so....heartbroken! :cry2:

rickydrexel

Been there, done that and have a million t-shirts!! Straight men, who engage in friendships with gay men are always cool by me. It's when they start to get too comfortable that it becomes a problem and those feelings begin to grow. If you haven't learned to control your emotions, then you will always have an issue, especially in these days and times where there is basically no boundaries between gay and straight.

ipertatos

It has happened to me. My advice, tell him and lose touch as soon as you can.

cutebros

Gay man don't like all other gay men too. it's just like falling for gay guy that doesn't like you. you can try if want but you know the possibility of him liking you back is very minimal( i think the probability in the case with straight man is higher).

cutebros

Schrödinger's cat!

sorry can't help it…

ben351500

90% of the time we think we're in love we're not; it's usually either a crush or flat out lust. Either way, it's a normal part of life. Enjoy it for what it is, knowing that it will fade away soon enough. And wait for the next crush to come along. It will, inevitably.

ivanunss

Try to forget him

Minerboh80

@ivanunss:

Try to forget him

Agreed. And as soon as possible if it is…

ben351500

People tend to get having a crush / being in lust with being In Love (note the capital letters); like 90% of the time we think we're In Love, when we're not. How many times have you slept with a guy and after realized that, while you may enjoy them, you're not really In Love?

I assume you like this guy and value his friendship. Try to honestly examine your feelings for him; odds are that it's really just a crush/lust/obsession thing. Step away from the emotions and look at yourself objectively. And if it is just a crush/lust/obsession thing, relax. It will fade away. Look, having a crush on someone is fun; it feels good. So enjoy it while it lasts, but don't do anything to fuck up your friendship, which is ultimately longer-lasting and more important. Someday you guys will joke about it.

dizzydean

cant help but notice the question… so similar with my situations from time to time!

one lesson I drew from all these experiences, you can:
(1) talk to him and be prepared that things will get super awkward (or even tensed) afterward. Took me more than a year to really start talking with the guy again given that we were close initially.
(2) leave it at that if you can't bear the consequence in (1) because truly, eventually it'll fade when your life moves on the next stage/place and meeting other ppl.

pornofan

Fresnopup is exactly on the money. I fell in love with a horndog who bedded every woman he could, sometimes several different per day.
He married three times, is credited with two children. When he died a year ago, none of the family, and I was the one who introduced him
to the mother of his kids, bothered to tell me. That was clearly a deliberate decision.

What I know is this. For all the pain and all the wrongs dumped on me, I loved that man more than anyone else ever has except, perhaps,
his actual blood relatives (two siblings survive but no parents). And whenever I think of how unfairly I have been misunderstood and outright
maligned for things that never happened, that love persists and is my reward. It has made me better, taught me the meaning of love. Love
is not love which alters when it alteration finds or bends with the remover to remove. It is an ever-fixed mark, as Shakespeare said, and
I am as steadfast as the Bright Star of Keats.

I do not need justification. I do not need forgiveness because there is nothing that needs to be forgiven. If I wanted to, I could tell stories,
show letters and photos, cause all manner of mischief. But I am at peace because my love makes no judgments about the man who brought
the world to my attention, who woke me from my narrow dreams of academe, and launched the entire rest of my life. I am grateful for
what he did, grateful for the depth and power of what we had, and still learning the consequences of my own doubts and fears in not having
taken certain opportunities I was too stupid to recognize at the time.

This is not written as justification or confession, but because that background love that is underneath all the rest of my life's comings
and goings, continues to be that most unwelcome of benefits, the dreaded Learning Experience. Love, sex, friendship, silence, patience,
acceptance all followed. There may have been easier ways for me to discover what it takes to love without needing to justify or fix
anything, without anyone even knowing that unlike everyone else in his life, my feelings have never wavered or diminished.

Nor do they run my life. This is an old story, though still emotionally present as much as ever. It has not kept me from travels, relationships,
carnal frolic and indulgence, or from romance. It was a rocket launch, a beginning, not an end or a closing down. Not what I would wish
on another, but it is what I have. He was a remarkable man, and no one knew the things about him that I know and will carry to my
grave. My feelings demand nothing from anyone else, and are a constant reminder of the best I am capable of.

As relationships go, I suppose it was a disaster, but the value of how that rocked and shattered my tiny world, lives on. And I guess I
feel about love that it is complete in itself and does not require anything, even acknowledgement. An interesting human problem, that.
It is not something earned or deserved. It is not transactional, a trade for favors or flattery. It is not because he had a big one or
was immortally sexual, or handsome, or smart. Looks can be lost, fame and money lost, even as we know in the age of Alzheimer's,
personality and memory can be lost and all the rest of health until life itself is gone.

Good thing none of those matters is required for love to exist and be real and persistent. And if love for an unattainable object is
what it took for me to get on the right emotional path, then that is what it took for me. The love of men is one of the great mysteries,
and the more so because it is rarely talked about. Men cry in the presence of other men, perhaps even in their arms, and they have
intimate connections that go largely ignored and unmentioned, just as if only women have special relations within their sisterhood
but "the dear love of comrades" is all butch-bluffing and macho postures and not the most sacred and rarely mentioned bonds that
link us in profound ways.

It is easy to think of sex for its own sake of pleasurable relief as if disconnected with emotion or human linkage, but it also is or can
be a manifestation of something deeper. In fearful Victorian England, the pure love of schoolboys for one another was romanticized
in fiction, but carefully separated from any hint of "beastliness," as if love were only an abstraction, and not a biological force like
the insemination instinct a man develops along with the necessary equipment.

Perhaps now that there is, at least superficially, less fear of full embrace of our feelings and lusts, that awkward restraint can be
replaced, and reading the poetry of WWI soldiers in love with their fellows no longer necessarily has to be taken as mere flowery
language rather than an attempt to express the genuine passion males normally keep secret even from themselves, as if conjugal
relations with women were the only valid means of action.

litres46

I use to masturbate using my tears as lube.

These days I move on to the next crush pretty quickly when I see there's no chance. I think an immunity is built up after the first 3 people I wanted to love not including the small would bang crushes in between them

What really bugs me is when a guy I like complains about being in the friend zone when Im automatically friend zoned by 90% of people I'd like to bang before even meeting them just because I have a Y chromosome

kumar777

When I was still in school, I was in love with my best friend who is 100% straight. I knew it but couldn't help myself. However, when he would flirt with girls, I would be so jealous and would have tantrums. He didn't understand and I was the only one who suffered. One day, I told him how I felt, he wouldn't accept that I am gay, we eventually stopped hanging out. As of today, I am happy that it ended, it was a one sided relationship where I expected too much from him.