Coming out

[DarknessWing]

My house is still fine. Look like the fire in Fallbrook is gone, havent hear the news about it since two days ago. So im starting unpacking everything since it seem ok to settle.

The sky is still filled with ashes, the sun become orange, it look awesome looking at it.

This fire is worse than what happen 4 years ago. but this time, people are prepared for it and got stuff as they need, it very calm pace to leave the town than it was four years ago

[thomas261989]

Hello you guys, I have the feeling that you're spamming my topic! :weep:

[Daltino]

Well, I think there are many different ways how the family or the friends will react.

In fact, I had a real bad time with my parents after I had my coming out. Both, my mother as well as my father, couldn't understand that and they treid to "change my mind" to be "normal" again. I had real much discussions abaout that and one time it was so heavy, that my parents told me to leave the house.

So I did that. I Had luck that my boyfreind already had is own flat, so I went to him and staid there. After a few month I had contact with my parents again. Not the sort of contact you may wish to have to your parents, but what should I do?

By now I have my own flat as well. I have a real great job to do and my new boyfriend is just awesome

The contact to my parents has become better by now. I think they accept it boy now, even if they give me hints to become "normal" again. But this is my decision. I have my own live and so they can't tell me what to do or not. Everything's fine for me.

[DarknessWing]

@Daltino:

Well, I think there are many different ways how the family or the friends will react.

In fact, I had a real bad time with my parents after I had my coming out. Both, my mother as well as my father, couldn't understand that and they treid to "change my mind" to be "normal" again. I had real much discussions abaout that and one time it was so heavy, that my parents told me to leave the house.

So I did that. I Had luck that my boyfreind already had is own flat, so I went to him and staid there. After a few month I had contact with my parents again. Not the sort of contact you may wish to have to your parents, but what should I do?

By now I have my own flat as well. I have a real great job to do and my new boyfriend is just awesome

The contact to my parents has become better by now. I think they accept it boy now, even if they give me hints to become "normal" again. But this is my decision. I have my own live and so they can't tell me what to do or not. Everything's fine for me.

Are you a the only child?

i noticed the couple with the only child in the family is more closed minded to gay because they want their child to have children. that is what almost all parent dream is to have a grandchildren, but the only child in the family being gay would shatter that dream, even gay can have a child.

[Daltino]

Yes, I'm the only child. I know this could be the reason why they react like this. I can understand that they wanted to have grandchildren, but in another way I can not understand why other parents, who only have one child too, react very cool to this. I mean they also have only one child but they are not just like my parents.

Hmm…. Guess I will never figure this out^^

[DarknessWing]

@Daltino:

Yes, I'm the only child. I know this could be the reason why they react like this. I can understand that they wanted to have grandchildren, but in another way I can not understand why other parents, who only have one child too, react very cool to this. I mean they also have only one child but they are not just like my parents.

Hmm…. Guess I will never figure this out^^

it depends how parent are raised. the parent values is passed down from their parent. so basically you are carrying your values from your parent

[Mungos]

Hello
OK first i want to say sorry for my english writing.
I know that i'm gay from my 12 year. I told to my friends first and they took it very good. They even tray to find me a boyfriend. Then i say to my sister. First that she said is: "Cool! Now we can spoke about boys together.". Then my brother find it and he think that i need a doctor. Offcourse he said it to my mother. Then she ask me and i say that is correct. And i tell her that i have a boyfriend and so on. She didn't want to meet him. Now she know him and everything is ok. I still didn't say it to my dad. I know that he knows but we didin't speak about it. But i know that he is ok with that. few weaks ago we went to some dinner in are firm and he drink lot of alchol. and when my boyfrined call me in 3 AM people with as was thinking that my grilfriend call me and he says NO it is his boyfriend. On my lucky nobody didn't hear him.

[monidaw2]

so the question is how we came out lol. well i came out in a few different ways, when i was fourteen my mom caught me downloading gay porn and we got in a huge fight over it. that's how she found out. i told all of my siblings they were all cool with it. a couple of years later when i was about fifteen i ran away because of all the problems i was having. while i was gone my brother told my dad(which he didn't inform me of this for a year or so). so then for the next long while my dad was very shitty to me for no reason. we fought like hell for years and i had no respect for him. at school it was a differennt story i came out of the closet and went from being the loner off by himself that no one talkedto, to being the most popular kid in my school friends with everyone. in my senior year i became so popular i was elected senior class president head of the prom committee head of the homecoming committee and president of a couple school clubs. in my senior year i got in a fight with my dad and i got thrown out of the house so i was sleaping on other peple's couches for a long time. finally after a couple years of untreated bipolar and depression i ended up in a psyche hospital convinced that the world hated me for being gay. while i was there my dad told me i wouldn't be depressed if i wasn't gay. that comment started the biggest fight i've ever had with him. i think it finally made him realise i wouldn't put up with his bigotry and neither would my siblings so now we are all cool. now i live with my boyfriend of 2 years and his family out in the country his whole family and my whole family know and love eachother they've all met. my grandparents like my boyfriend better than my sisters lol.

[atn564]

Heya thomas,

I think i can relate to your thoughts.

I was out to my parents when i was 23. It was an incident, my mum found my diary (not porn, it was back at 90s and you can't download porn from the internet yet!) i save in the computer. there is nothing sexual, but she knew. She asked me, and I told her. then she told my dad.

12 years past, me and my parents are still close. we had our ups and down– we even went through those counseling stuff, though my intention is to get my parents to talk to someone as i think i am pretty fine to accept my identity. we had our rough time, particularly when my mum found naked guys photo in the computer (damn computer!) we had good time, too, when my parents met my ex bf for a dinner before Chinese new year and gave both of pocket money and i felts like the role in Ang Lee's "Double Wedding". We still have our uncertain-- when i ask my parents if one day i decide to have gay marriage would they approve, they are very very hesitated ...

There will never be a best timing to come out-- be financially independent, i honestly think it is crap. you know how parents consider kids are always kids in Chinese society, no matter you are 5 or 50. The only reason for people claiming to get independent first is the come out turn disaster, you can live on your own. I have to say, in my opinion, it is just fully irresponsible. coming out is, unfortunately, an ongoing process to both you and those people around you. as Chinese is a collective society it is even true.

The question you have to ask is probably, are you truly comfortable with your own identify? gay or straight, there are many confusing people out there. If you are happy about yourself, people will be happy for you. The mentality independent, if you gonna ask when is the best time you can come out, it is the day you do not have to live under influence from other people's opinion.

hope this help.
P.

@thomas261989:

When and how did you know that you were gay? When and how did you come out? What did you have to sacrifice to come out into the world and say: "Yes, I'm gay"?
I first knew I preferred men when my "male" friend squeezed my dick under my pants and I wanted him to hold it forever there when I was 14. I wanna to shout out loud that I'm gay and wanna a boy's hand in the street but some forum says unless you are out of age and financially safe, don't come out yet. Coming from an Asian country with conservative parents, especially in homosexual concerns, I don't dare to tell them yet nor encourage them to have a brighter view at gay people. So if you have come out and been OK with it, share some experience plz! Being 18 and dependent on parents, it's still not the right time to them yet, right?

[roto13]

Me, like two years ago: Mom… I'm gay runs away

8 hours later we talked and stuff and she was ok with it. Now I'm married and she totally approves of my husband. Ah, happy endings.

[kalleg]

looks like there is a few great "outings" here, and som difficult ones

my story is a bit compllicated, i haw not yet "opened the door" but i have trouble finding out what i am… i like gay sex, i like girl sex... as far as iknow so far it seems that i can only love girls.. so i see the future "family life" with a girl, but what about the gay side of my life that isnt going away.. or i dont whant it to go away in the first place, but what am i? not gay, not bi?, not hetro? am i a human?

in what directions should a take my step? uhmm why does life have to be this difficult to live? why do i care what other people thinks of me? or the question should maybe be where are my self esteem?

:weep: :-l

[tosltosl2]

no! not coming out! it is better! especially in asian country.
coz so many unopenminded there in asia.
such a jealousy, secrecy, negativity.
that really makes you in asia country as asian
in dangerous life, to proclaime yourself as a queer folk.
it will be so horrible life that you'll get in society even in your own family there.
even in america, some places got a society that really hate gay community. :whistle:

it's different point if you are in Natherland or spain. 8-)

warm wishes,
hXXp://www.nightlife4u.blogspot.com

staff edit: no live links

[colombian89]

I am not gay but bi. Only one of my friends knows and she lived across the country.
I also enjoy gaytorrents, because I can only stand either gay or straight porn. Its weird for me to watch Bi porn.

[salas]

My coming out is still in process. I mean, most of my friends knows, my siblings knows and most people i meet now know. But it wasnt always that way.

I was 13 when my secret came out accidently. One of my classmates ( i was in a private school) was sooping in my bag during the break and he found my diary (guys, do not ever, ever ever keep a diary) and he found out that i was gay, that i was mastubating over the hunkiest guy in the class. He scream loudly, he yelled it in the court, to everyone outside that i was gay. After that, it was hell for me, you know, the traditional beat ups, the eyes of shame and all. Only the girls and my in my class(most of them) and our teacher (a woman) were on my side. After a year, it was the same, i became the most popular guy in the entire school (in a bad way, a very bad way). But the teachers were happy that i was gay, i was defrent to them, so the did everythings to protect me from the other boys if needed. But i had to do something to stop tha charade, so i made everyone acknowledge me as a person with the help of the girls. It was not easy, it took me two years to make the whole school accept me… and they did. Of course, there were some stuburns but the were easy to handle. After two years, i had friends and i was more or less respected. Unfortunatly, that same year, i had to change high school for private reasons.

So, i moved to a public school. I was already confortable with my sexuality, i was happy to be gay and i was happy to be accepted in my last school. So i didnt want to start all over again, and i didnt want to put up with secrecy and peoples shit for my final 3years in high school. The only thing left for me to do was to know my new school first, know people better, see if they were more open-minded. It took me a year... Then when i had a new group of friends, and i was confortable with them, i told most of them that i was gay. They took it better then i thought. I didnt tell my best friend (he is like a brother to me) because i knew he hated gays. The other didnt tell him either because they knew it would be a desaster. Finally, the senior year, i told him because it was killing me. As expected, he flipped out, he wanted to kill me. I was the best friend he ever had, i was his brother, and for him, i had betrayed him. We spends days without talking to each other. Then one day, he came to me after school and he started to say horrible things to me, that he wanted me to change back. I cried a bit. His girlfriend (she was a crew member too, and she was th first one to know i was gay) talked to him, and he gave in after a few days. We became friends again, we were brother again but i still feel like he still did totaly forgave me for being gay.

My parents dont know i'm gay; yet i feel like my mom has a idea but they dont know. My dad definitly doesnt know cuz if he did, he would kill me ( he is 100 percent homophobic).

Know that i'm in the united states, i'm more free to tell anyone i want. But i dont shout it on the streets though... i dont want to make people unconfortable and i dont like drama, so i only tell when people ask me or when i want to.
My siblings know and they are very cool about it, but we dont talk much about it, i just dont want them to know what i do in my room.

[dontlie]

I'm not sure if I can say that I realized that I was gay when I was 13, cause ever since I was I child I somehow lliked men, I always paid attention to guys (especially naked or shirtless) on TV and wished I could touch those guys.

When I was 14 I had a crush on a classmate, but decided not to tell him. Then the next year I fell for another straight classmate, he was a great guy and a good friend, so after telling him that I was in love with someone and talking with him for a couple of months about love (and trying to find out who he fell for) I came out to him. It was … scary, my heart was beating really fast and I was afraid that he was homophobic and would out me to the whole school, but he didn't have a problem with it at all and nothing changed. Later came out to 2 other classmated. After graduation I came out to my cousin, a female classmate and a classmate who had been dating my sis, then my sis. Then one day I found out through my sis that the cousin I trusted most outed me to her mom, who told my mom and her husband, who then told my dad. I planned to come out before leaving home for uni, but then ended up being outed. The good thing is they don't have a problem with that, even though it caused a little "fight" between my parents (they'd divorced many years ago and haven't been talking to each other since then; my dad thought that my mom made up the story about me being gay). During my underclassmen's graduation party, with the help of alcohol, I managed to come out to them and my teachers. After that I came out to a couple of other classmates and others found out about me being gay through those underclassmen.

I feel really lucky to have a family, friends and teachers who are not homophobic and don't have any problems with me being gay, even thought I had a small serious talk with my dad when I was 16 during which he said that he didn't want me to start any relationship cause I might be "confused" and even suggested that I should go to a shrink to make sure that I'm not confused.

[thomas261989]

I have just moved to Australia for 6 months and I planned to come out to my friends here because they are more openminded but due to low budget, I have to share my room with another, who is straight, and I cannot come out yet. If he knows I'm gay, he would moveout and I'll be dead 'coz I can't afford the rent. Poor me.
And watching porn is a great problem since we go to the same school and I cannot lock him out to watch porn.

[Hobbestails]

I came out by writing a letter. Though I'm bi. Still applies.

[garjr71]

I really shouldn't be posting here
but I just can't resist
why you want to come out of closet?
I mean, why there is closet in the first place??
My sexual preferences comes under my own personal life/space
Why would I want to involve others into it?

Why come out in the open? Doesn't matter publicly or to parents/siblings/best friends

I mean, who cares if I work 24x7 around the year and don't want to get married?

~rR

[roto13]

@rR:

I really shouldn't be posting here
but I just can't resist
why you want to come out of closet?

Because hiding every romantic relationship you ever have is a giant pain in the ass. And the more homosexuality is known, the less taboo it is.

[thomas261989]

Well, my mom has heart conditions and she kind of homophobic (has never said anything about gays and lesbians but she always talks about homosexuality like "something" unnatural and warn me that she does not like it). I love her dearly and it may kill her it I tell her. Maybe I just come out to my friends, who really don't mind and don't know my mom at all.