Do you have sometimes feeling ….?
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Yeah, one can only plan so little
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Well, first of all I did not want to say that I want to make from myself a bitch. I know its hard to believe but I am okay without sex, I could hardly survive 8+ years without sex if I would needed so desperately that I would go to a bath house.
My point was that only chance to find a friends would be between gay people because at least we would have something in common, but once again people on Grinder looking for a sex, not for a friends, especially if you are not damn hot (than they would at least pretend friendship for a whole and this relationship wouldn't have any progress than it would be over, soon or later.
Gay guys cant be friends, because only reason why they are meeting other guys is you want to get laid.
Plus I live in a small town so there is no bath house.
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Not even a swimming hall? What country u in? In small towns it can be very hard to connect with likeminds, especially if not lived there from childhood/teens. Homosexuality connects ppl but bringing together is different. A relationship is on shaky grounds if sex is only or mostly the thing that binds you.
Looks are just surface, in longer run it's personality that matters + it helps if one goes to gym, jogs or similar.
Whether a dating app/site, bars, saunas, woods, hobbies, workplace,, you put urself out there on the field.
For sure most everybody wants they're "first time" be special, therefor I totally understand you.
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Gay guys cant be friends, because only reason why they are meeting other guys is you want to get laid.
Not totally true, I never had sex with the twinks I befriended from the bath house so..
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Gay guy friendship can be troublesome (and is) if they 'compete' about same guy(s). You wouldn't want your friend(s) to use your friendship to ruin from u ur hot new date.
Luckily there are many gay men who aren't interested of such, but enjoys gay friends in such as hobbies outside of 'gay scenes' for example.
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Not even a swimming hall? What country u in? In small towns it can be very hard to connect with likeminds, especially if not lived there from childhood/teens. Homosexuality connects ppl but bringing together is different. A relationship is on shaky grounds if sex is only or mostly the thing that binds you.
Looks are just surface, in longer run it's personality that matters + it helps if one goes to gym, jogs or similar.
Whether a dating app/site, bars, saunas, woods, hobbies, workplace,, you put urself out there on the field.
For sure most everybody wants they're "first time" be special, therefor I totally understand you.
I live in a small city, well not that small but still small. Anyway its one of the most depressive cities in the UK and its famous for high number of suicides. Fabulous right?
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Gay guys cant be friends, because only reason why they are meeting other guys is you want to get laid.
Not totally true, I never had sex with the twinks I befriended from the bath house so..
Wait a second… you are from Prague?
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I was living there when I created this account.
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I see. I lived there 6 years.
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UK is "such" a small country.. Could you travel to bigger cities?
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Not really, because biggest City here is Cardiff and I dont really like Cardiff that much. I cant move out from Wales because I would have to pay 3x times higher tuition
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Not that this might mean anything, but make friends with girls. They usually know of some gay people. Most of my girl friends know plenty of gay men. I met some of my best gay friends through girls.
Just be you, show your smile, be creative. people are attracted to positive energy. There is a saying that goes something like, "Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry along". It is a crap saying but it is so true to me. Even though you are down and depressed, find a hobby, or do something active. The more you become phyiscally active the better you will feel. Find something that makes you feel good.
Work on YOU first. Dont give up because this moment will change for you.
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Hello Commander88, A wise man said "When Heaven is about to place a great responsibility on a great man, it always first frustrates his spirit and will, exhausts his muscles and bones, exposes him to starvation and poverty, harasses him by troubles and setbacks so as to stimulate his spirit, toughen his nature and enhance his abilities. " 2000 years ago.
I have similar situation like you several years before, I leave my family for college study and never comeback. I'm lucky I can pay my tuition by part time job and scholarship. I meet my partner there, and live together for more than 10 years. We have same longterm goal for the future. So study hard in college and work hard now, bcos we are in our plan for the tomorrow. Life is not easy, a positive attitude may lead you to better life.
About make friend, I'd say honest is the key. I have 2 best friend for more than 20 years. they're not gay, but that's not a problem. sex plays a minor part of role in my life. We can swimming naked in the river, or Wrestling just half naked. bcos we were used to doing that, just a man to man playing. all of them have been married and have children, I'm a godfather of one of their child….
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Just be you, show your smile, be creative.
Or one can get neuroleptics and antidepressant ;D
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I'm sorry but to me "look for friends in the bath house" is such a fucking bullshit. Maybe I am oldschool but lol this why I'm getting irritated in gay society. I just don't think that you have to necessarily make friends with gays just because you're gay. I have like 700 or 800 friends on social media and maybe 1-3% is gay.
I see the problem, you don't know anyone here so you can't go out with someone and then meet your friends' friends and create chain or something. But well there are plenty of ways. Work on your confidence. Don't be scared of being rejected. Everyone is being rejected. I've been rejected my whole life, but I'm trying. Even my ex who people and I for myself mistook for a god was rejected by just another guy. Rejection is such a part of the life. Embrace it and learn from it. Remember always to ask for a reason, like "why?" and everything might be not as it seems.
As for meeting people. I came for a trip to another city. My ex didn't have time so I went for a walk. During the walk I met like 3 different people one of which was Erasmus student, she was heading in the same direction so we just walked together and started talking. Just be natural and the talk will come out automatically. Don't think about how to start just go with the flow. When we arrived like 10-15 minutes later she didn't want to leave
invited me for a party and I guess she was sad we parted cause she just stood there and we hugged and went in our direction. Not few steps further I shared smoke with a guy who had his first day at job of inviting people to the restaurant. I gave him few tips and tried to encourage him and talk to people myself. Be brave People will be impressed by you.Next thing if you have an occasion like I don't know an evening in the pub with people from work or something like that just use it. You can really chat to people with no big reason just create the opportunity. You say Grindr is for fucking, right. What about other portals ? I don't mean interpals but there are sure some. Or maybe an UK gay dating site ? Is there one? Cause we have a few even in Poland. If it's about the app use Tinder. You can do a lot of stuff with it. People are not looking for sex there so it'll be ok. Sometimes I'm like "I'm going for a walk - if you're interested you have an hour if not I understand and we're cool" or I just text in my nickname "A walk?" or something like that. You would be surprised but there are people even on Grindr that will go with it. But yeah you even have a weird option in Tinder to come out in group but I don't know how it works it might be pretty stupid. Maybe also think about instagram ? Met my ex there.
If you're worried about your look - well do what you can do to make it better. If there's nothing yet more you can do and you tried anything that means you feel good with yourself and it might attract other people too Just don't lose hope. I'm feeling like shit sometimes too. Fighting with depression for 10 years. But there will be better times you really have to believe it.
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