Is it really 'worth' coming out?

[thefatmunky]

I think this differs from person to person…depending on your situation...I think in some groups/areas/situations it's more "accepting"/ok than others, all depending on various things like the (kind of) people in your life, religion, background, community etc etc
When i came out to my parents, they battled to accept it at first, for religious reasons, my dad was more accepting than my mom, I think because she is/was more religious than him, unfortunately he's passed away so I cannot ask him why that was.
I came out at about 17, it's been a long time since, and not always easy, change/acceptance doesn't happen overnight, but it felt like a burden was lifted off my shoulders! All my friends and family now know, some are more supportive than others, but there's none of that having to pretend I'm straight bs anymore. If you decide to come out, do it at your own time, when YOU feel ready (or as ready as possible) to do so, don't do it because someone/others are pushing you to do so. All the best!

[helloitsmesf]

it is. it is very much worth it. it is liberating to be your authentic self. however, if you're in  a very conservative community or if you feel like coming out will endanger you in any way, please don't come out.

[dnitzer]

Define first what you mean by "coming out" - it involves two people at a minimum each time. Do you mean telling yourself the truth about yourself? Do you mean family, someone you're interested in, work, school…?  Each time you do it, it's a different event because the other is a different person. I've noticed that people fall into one of a few categories:

a) the vast majority don't and won't care, and since they have no power or influence over your life anyway, who cares if they do or don't know? these are people like the cashier at the store, the mailman, the cab driver, etc. you might interact with them on an occasional basis, but by and large your personal life is of no interest to them. doesn't matter if you're out to them or not.

b) some people will be judgmental, as you know, but the extreme ones are usually easy to spot and predict. handle them appropriately, depending on your relationship to them.

c) some people will say it makes no difference, and they sincerely mean it and will show it over time with their interactions with you. those are your friends, and the ones you want to keep around. support them and they'll support you.

d) the most difficult for me were the ones who say it makes no difference, but in short order, you realize it did indeed make a difference. they're the ones who say they understand and sympathize, but somehow they gradually disappear from your life, despite your best efforts to remain engaged with them. you have to realize they probably weren't as good as friends as you thought.

One thing I can say with complete confidence... having come out and knowing that freedom, there is no way in the world I would go back into the closet. The freedom of not caring anymore what someone might be thinking is hard to describe to someone who hasn't had the experience of giving that up. But having done it, now I would fight for my right to be myself, so for me, yes, it was worth it.

[fkmenowpls]

Coming out is very much worth it. It's scary at first, but you'll be a lot more relieved afterwards. It takes a huge burden off of your shoulders.

[Eridanos]

Coming out takes indeed, a huge burden off your shoulders.  The anxiety of being outed is really terrible.  Better you come out on your own damn terms.

Also, you have to realize you will find people who will trat you differently (for the worse) and turn their backs on you.  But those people will always exist.  A positive side is that you will find out who truly loves and sticks up to you.

And by coming out I don't mean you tell your sexual orientation to everyone or parade yourself in a thong with a body paint of the gay flag.  Is your life and you decide to whom you come out.

[raphjd]

I'd rather have fewer people in my life than be forced to live a lie.

[noah228]

oh yes. So much ahead of you if you make the leap to come out.

[dist]

Ive never met a single homophobic remark in my entire life. Even my muslim friends from my childhood expressed support when they found out. But I live in Sweden and we have a very progressive LGBT culture here so I guess it depends on where you live.

But in the end, you have to live a life that is true to you. All I can tell you is that I was very sick while still in the closet, those were my darkest years… Now, I love life.

[tinci01]

Here is straight point of view. I think it's worth coming out. At least come out to your family and best friends. Your mum probably is already looking for wife for you because you don't bring any girls home. She thinks my boy is so shy. What will happen to him when I die. If she knew at least she'd be calm because you found someone to grow old with. You don't have to tell them every little detail of your gay life just meet them with your boyfriend. If you'd be straight eveyone would already know of all girlfriends you already had. Beimg gay isn't that much different to being straight, at least not in others eyes. Ok if you really have some strange parents or your religion is dissaproving and you live somewhere where you know people will totally cancell you from theit lives, thn don't tell, but if you don't, you have the same right to be with someone you love and not hiding that as anyone else.
I found out my cousin is gay. He's been out to his family for 10 years and I found out over a year ago from his brother. It made perfect sense to me for him to be gay as he always said he'd never spend money on women. I think everyone just thought he's cheap, but he was like that even as a kid. It's totally natural for me that he's gay, only thing I don't like about it is that for whatever reason he wouldn't show me his boyfriends photo. It's just stupid.
Also my friend found on her cousins computer gay porn. She realized he must be gay. They used to be good friends and he came to see her and we would all play cards, but all sudenly when she found herself a boyfriend he started being a jerk. We think he fell for her boyfriend just as my cousin did before he found a boyfriend. Now he wouldn't come to visit her anymore. Just because he wouldn't say he's gay.
And if people look at you strange the second you tell them is probably because they think or How didn't I see it or He doesn't look like gay or if you tell a straight guy who's a jerk: Will he jump on me and rape me now? Will he check me out if I get naked infront of him? Is he in love with me? What can we talk about now? Female would probably think Oh how I would love to take him shopping with me. Later on it could come to more thinking like Doesn't it hurt to fuck in ass? I know it hurted me. But they do it all the time. Oh and one more female's thinking There's so many gay guys. Will all of the sudden everyone become gay? What will be for us?
you'll probably have to go throught questions if people will even dare to ask. If they don't ask you anything and just loo you up and down all the time they have lots of questions in their mind. So maybe you have to say tto them to ask you whatever they want. In a month or two they'll be ok. That's how I think it would be, but some of you guys say I'm a very openminded female, but I hope so are others.

[semurg30]

I don't think it's worth it. There isn't one friend, relative or co-worker I wouldn't trade away for someone better. I don't tell people because I don't care enough to let people in except for superficial ways. Part of coming out is putting yourself at the mercy of other people's opinions and a reexamination of every relationship you have. I know everyone in my life is useless so I'd rather live my own life than listen to judgment from people I'm not really attached to. People are replaceable.

[moonmonday]

It's something that is worth careful consideration. It should only be done when you're sure about it, and only to the people you choose. No one else generally has the right to decide that for you. If you're in a position where it might put you in serious danger, don't do it. Don't do it to people you have reason to believe would react badly (and again, might put you in danger) – but in the case of friends and people you're going to be around for the foreseeable future, it's worth thinking about. If people drift away from you because of your orientation, you're better off without them.

Coming out is one of those things that I don't think needs to be to everyone, no matter what. Some people will never accept it and won't deal well with it, and it will just upset you, them, and could put you into danger. But I do think it's important to be visible and to let people know that in fact they are around gay people, that we are not an invisible population, and that we have every right that they do, to pursue love and enjoy life. And perhaps most importantly, that we have no intention of being silent or invisible or going back into the closet, or staying in there – even if some never "come out" per se, they can still go to the "gay ghetto" or a club and be themselves, and they should be able to realistically expect that.

The gay community is not perfect, and there are widely varying opinions of it, and widely varied ways of people living in it or leading it. You'll find your niche somewhere and, at the very least, the community does tend to come together to protect its own in the worst scenarios. It doesn't necessarily always support its own though, and you can't always count on any community to help unless you know that specific community very well.

But I do think coming out, at least to some people, will make things much easier. I do believe it's worth it, for a number of reasons, and I do think it's important to know people enough to know whether or not they can be relied upon in the long run. If you're going to call someone friend, they had better be willing to stand by you, and you deserve to know that for sure.