Coming out to your straight friend
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I came out to my straight friend during an argument. I felt as though he was judging me so I said, "I like dudes,judge that!" lol we've grown closer after it. I felt relieved.
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I can't really relate to this dilemma because all my friends are straight, I don't have any gay friends. And coming out is no big deal. I just say "Hey, I've got something to tell you: I'm gay". They'll be like "Cool. Where should we eat?".
Maybe it's just my circle of friends but people don't really make a big deal of it where I live. I feel like it's mainstream these days so it's easy to come out. And I have friends from all walks of life; muslims, christians, atheists etc. -
It depends, there is two options, if you feel something for him or if you don't.
If you feel nothing for him but a friendship, the best thing would be to let him know that you care for him as a friend and don't want to lie or hide anything from him and that you need his support and make sure you let him know that even when you are gay you will respect him, that he will never expect to have a wondering eye when he is changing in front of you, of if he looks good with his need shirt and you noticed it. Try to make it as little uncomfortable as possible for him. You need to understand that if he sees you as his best friend, he would't care who you sleep with and he will always support you, so I think you should tell him, not with drinks, not in a private place, don't make him feel this is about him, do it while walking on the street, at school, at work, maybe in front of someone else that may know about you. Or if you want to do it alone, do it, but make sure it doesn't look like you are trying to seduce him, and allow him to ask questions.
If you have feelings for him, forget about telling him and step back a little bit, otherwise you will lose him as a friend an as a potential lover, boyfriend, etc. However, if you think he might be, you can try to ask him first if he would do something gay or something like that, or if he has tried something in the past or whatever, first you need to check if there is a chance for him to do it, and then if it would be with you, after that you can tell him about how you feel. But if you know that he will never do anything because he is not in the same place as you are, you need to step back and keep a distance, even when it will hurts like hell, because there is no other option but for you to get over him and move on, you don't want to stay there waiting for a miracle to happen. Don't lose your time.
For whatever scenario you will go through I wish you the best of lucks, and as a person that was in love with his straight best friend for 2 years, I'm telling you all this from the bottom of my hart and the heart of my bottom.
Cheer up!!! And whoever loves you will remain by your side, Don't forget about that.
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I was working away from my home in Bangkok as a resident in a Central Asian country. I had a straight friend who I fancied like crazy. 30 years younger than me. I'd be invited to his home and meet his family and friends. He used to come to my place and we'd drink and eat and chat. We had a rule. We called it sanctuary rules. Whatever was said with the walls of my apartment would never go beyond them. He'd talk about work, his wife, his two daughters and how they frustrated him in all manner of ways, I'd go on about work and the bloody awful management. One day he asked me why I hadn't married. I told him that I was not the marrying type, but I knew I was loved. I knew that there was someone who loved me deeply and that I loved them too and that they were home in Bangkok. (by the way, my friend was fascinated about sex in Thailand, and I was regularly asked about the girls and the transvestites and the sex change stuff here).
I really valued my friendship with this really handsome guy, and when he asked me who this lucky person was who loved me and who I loved, I told him it was my gay Thai partner. I got a huge grin, was asked to see his photo, and my friend stood up poured two shots of vodka, saluted me, and then leant over to me and kissed me deeply, and told me he'd always wanted to know what it was like to kiss a man. I no longer live and work in his country, but we are still in touch via skype. He has since visited Thailand the first time alone; he stayed with my Thai partner and me. Went to the local gay sauna, got fucked and even had a gay threesome with a couple of hot guys he'd met at a gay bar. He even had sex with a ladyboy. Turns out he's very metro-sexual. He's been back to Thailand twice with his wife, and he still visited the gay sauna. By far - my best straight friend, and we still share things - sanctuary rules of course.
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Well, I'm straight and if I'd had best friend who's gay, I'd be hurt if he'd kept that from me. Or she. I don't care if you're gay or straight. Actually more different types of people I know, better. My cousin is gay. He came out to his brothers and parents more than 10 years ago. I only know it around 2 years and I found it from his brother. I don't feel hurt that I didn't find out earlier, but I feel like it's stupid that he kept that from me, specially because my friend thougt she saw him with blond girl and he and his brother just said that that sure wasn't him and start laughing like some 12 year old boys. He could just say he could only be seen with a guy. Nothing changed since I know it. He still acts the same and so do I. My friend's cousin on other hand is still in the closet, but probably most of his family know he's gay. Specially when my friend found gay porn and pictures of dicks in every disk he has. He probably fell in love with my friend's boyfriend and when we were all playing cards he started to get pissed because his cousin and her boyfriend were cheating with cards together and he stopped visiting. He probably just couldn't stand seeing him. He could just say the truth and see her when her boyfriend isn't around instead of stop visiting. so you see, keeping being gay a secret is totally stupid. Not if you can go to jail for being gay, but if that's not the case, just say that it's already past the time for you to say something and just say it. If you feel like you need to hide that from a friend, then you don't have a real friend in him.
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I agree, maybe you should first find out what think about gays or how could affect your friendship.
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i came out to my straight guy best friend, he's the 2nd person I told about my sexuality. It was nerve wrecking. He always thought I'm the most carefree person with no problems in the world, little did he know I was a self-loathing, insecure, queer boy lol. His reaction, meant the world to me, as he totally accept me for who I am, even loved to talk about my gay stuffs as he also very open his girl stuffs.
My advice is, just tell him/her if the person meant the world to you. You won't regret anything.
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I came out to my guy best friend after coming out to my really close female friends. I was hesitant about coming out to him because I didn't know how he would react but it was just something I had to do. I was prepared to blow up everything or make things extremely awkward for the rest of our friendship but thankfully he took it well. He didn't even care about it. Now we're closer than ever, talking with no more boundaries.
I say before you come out to your straight friend, you should be prepared for anything to happen and if the worst happens then as cliche as it is, they weren't your friend to begin with. A true friend would accept you no matter what. Being gay doesn't define or suddenly change someone and if they can't see past that then..
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Bring it up casually.. when people are just sitting around chatting.. it is not a big deal, so should be discussed as such
Maybe and i'm old and jaded - but any person who rejects you, solely on sexuality was never a good friend and is not the kind of person I would want in my life anyway.
It is 2017 - in most (not all) countries - a real friend may be shocked or surprised but is not going to reject you - even if there initial reaction is to freak out, a real friend will come back around and deal with it.. because they are your friend
When i was younger, my dad taught me a lesson - he told me that if you lend $20 to a friend and you never see them again (because they avoid you because they don't want to pay it back) then it is the best $20 you ever spent - because they were never a real friend. Same applies.
In most cases, my parents NOT included lol,i told my friends/family casually - If i made it a huge drama then that reflected more in their reaction
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haven't ur closed friend ever notice something is "different" about you？ i mean. my friends will joke about my coming out… in a tentative way.. but never press too hard
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