I'm virgin…
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Wow Eridanos thank you your advice really helped me a lot and everyone else thank you for your wisdom and knowledge. It is greatly appreciated.
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I'm 27 and still virgin. And that makes me feel special.
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Eridanos – Good advice, Eridanos. You already know that, but the more Thumb's Up remarks you get for it, the more it might be noticed and be put to good use.
My feeling is that most people who have not gotten laid have some kind of hangup about it. Best book EVER is out of print, by the late Albert Ellis, a blunt- (crude-) talking advocate of any kind of sex that turns you on with a willing partner. That would be Sex and the Single Man, which argues forcefully in favor of seduction, taking someone's virginity for their own good without feeling guilty about having "ruined" them. How to have fun wife-swapping.
These days, gotta keep saying he's not into rape, etc., but if you are a young man who needs to feel okay about getting your first fuck or giving someone theirs, Ellis, Ph.D., is The Man. Also check out his Sex Without Guilt.
On the other hand, Homosexuality, Its Cause and Cure is a product of its ignorant times and could be maybe written an authorized today by the Republic*nt legislature of North Carolina and other former Confederate states still pandering to bigots and advocating nullification of laws they don't like (the US Constitution, for example). But, as usual, I digress.
Yeah, Sex and the Single Man is premised on the notion of men getting it on with only the appropriate sex men use for breeding and pleasure, so that his permissive manifestos rule out same-sex love and same-sex physical release, but you can ignore that part knowing that eventually he got over it.
His main point is that sex is good and good for you. Masturbation is not harmful and is good and good for you. Having as many partners as you like is good and good for you. Even if they are married to someone else. He believes that sex is just sex and all the barriers and inhibitions are garbage. As I said, he eventually even noticed he was still carrying and promoting some garbage of his own. But as a bracing and eye-opening defense of doing what comes naturally to the libido, he is as liberating as anyone since, oh, I dunno, maybe Ovid.
Once you get over the idea that it would be Terrible (terrible, terrible, terrible) if anyone knew you were aware of having a dick and wanting to use it, were willing to use it without shame or guilt, did not feel you needed to flee to a confessional to tell some capon priest all about doing what he is forbidden to do.... Then you can start looking for potential partners.
And once you get over the idea that it would be terrible if anyone knew you were aware of having a dick and wanting to use it, were willing to use it without shame or guilt, did not feel you needed to flee to a confessional to tell some capon priest all about doing what he is forbidden to do.... Then you can start looking for potential partners.And if you want love first, then go where you can find candidates for love. Bars, for instance. Lots of strait dudes have an active bachelor period in which they at least tell themselves they are auditioning candidates for LTR possibilities. And many horndogs are just happy to get a free blowjob, NSA, at some adult bookstore (ABS) gloryhole or sauna. Either is better than the danger of cottaging, using a "tearoom."
Once the Rubicon has been crossed, the mystery and magic of the great but fake Taboo can have a lot of benefits. Once, maybe still, puberty first presented a teen boy with expected dating behaviors with girls, constrictions that may even last into marriage. Now, options are greater and easier to explore and you can take advantage of the progress made in most of the country (at least in the US).
Since most of us (I think this is true) have most of their first sexual fantasies about friends and celebrities who are or are believed to be str8, such normal attractions no longer need to be a limitation. Without access to porn, one can notice baskets on swimmers, bulges on athletes, the abs of classmates and convex curves of men all unconscious of their innocent allure. Or perhaps an appeal not even esp. innocent, but accented by means of some "come hither" advertisement.
Women like a nice butt, which strait dudes mostly are unaware of and never think of as a sexual attraction, though they may enjoy at least fantasizing about the appeal of their burgeoning cock and ball appendages. It used to be that you could get through the virgin years of shameful lust and dangerously lurid longing on the perfectly valid theory that "straits are so naive," as young me was helpfully informed when that was true salvation.
Now, though, even when someone knows you are looking, they may not be resentful. Just saw a story about Mickey Rooney, who was a hunky eyeful in his teen years and eventually a serious pussy-hound, turning down an advance by Rock Hudson. Rooney "surprised but not offended" because "I like girls. I thought everybody knew that."
This is not to recommend coming out before you are squared away and prepared to deal with the consequences. Just saying that same-sex attraction is part of broader cultural change. Also, too, at least through college years, hets can fool around under the guise of horndog experimenting and "boy was I drunk."
You only have to see the videos of enlisted US Marines, sailors, and other active military who seem to feel they are macho enough not to be threatened if some queer wants to suck their macho mean and enjoy satisfying a "real man." Similarly, surfers and skaters and other young, comfortably secure, sexually insatiable and confident dudes can take advantage of the services available (if they can find them), and are perfectly capable of performing -- often in more than solo ways -- for some quick cash either in very private life (quick money to take out the gf for some more desirable action) or for paid videos.
It does sometimes seem that a tectonic shift is taking place so that pep talks and arguments from a shrink like Ellis are not so much needed as they once were. Which returns me to the point that more and more sex is being incorporated into acceptably normal human behavior, and both men and shock women are assumed to enjoy satisfying their inherent needs.
I just saw a 1972 television detective show where someone casually referenced having a vibrator. "Vibrator." Likely that got passed by ignorance censors as some meaningless word not worth thinking about, in the same way that Dashiell Hammett got away with calling someone a "gunsel" in The Maltese Falcon. Everyone thought the term meant some kind of gunman. In fact, that misunderstanding was so pervasive that the slang term is still often used that way. Don't trust me on this-- look it up. Not nearly as benign and inoffensive a term as "vibrator."
Hmm. Wandered all over the map again. Since I cannot personally help a poster who does like Jeptha's Daughter in the Buy Bull and "bewails" his virginity, though many kind souls right here would likely be willing to sacrifice themselves to take away the problem in person, maybe I just like thinking about the issue.
And remembering my own innocence, of course. dirty snicker Yeah, I can still remember. "Only the young die good."
Rambling on, it occurs to me that those seriously attracted to other men are more likely to resist the kind of camaraderie that straits don't think twice about. Ahahaha!
Goosed you good. Ahahahah! That towel snap really got you that time. Hey, it's boring out here in a combat zone -- let's camp up some musical videos for our girlfriends. In fact, let's do a whole gay act. That will be hilarious!Check YouTube for how that works out. An all those jocks covering "gagnam style."
For heaven's sake, if str8s relish boner service from some queer eager to provide it, sometimes hitting new orgasmic records they have not neared from unskilled or lackluster attempts from disinterested women, then if a dude refuses to indulge because it will "mean" something, it's a matter of self-esteem and self-confidence, not even failing to find a volunteer on Craig's List. If all else fails, there are men who will pay to swallow yr semen just as some women will get you off for pay.
And all that is not only enough, but way too much. Best of luck to all the dudes still working on a way to get some satisfactory action.
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if guys tell stories at work and ask for your experience, lie. They are doing it as well
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don't rush
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I'm 20 and I had the same feeling. I wanted to lose my virginity just to have sex and experience it. But at the same time it felt wrong to me. Though I ended up giving in and having sex and afterwards I kinda regretted it. I think I overhyped sex too much in my mind or in a way I might have tried to force myself not to hype it up. But at the end of the day sex wasn't like what guys always bragged about. It felt good but honestly to this day I have better orgasms by myself than with others.
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So I have a slightly different view on the situation - I think sex instincts are given by nature and one MUST use it otherwise it will show up in other bad ways - physically and mentally. Besides, one needs to start exploring one's sexual likes and dislikes from an early age. Because it takes a long time to find out what one is necessarily into - not just str8, bi or gay. Even within those categories, there are different things that turn different people on. You have to find out yourself. So sex should be with multiple partners - explore and reflect on each hookup …what you liked and what you did not. I am in my thirties and got active in my early teen years. Can't say I have fully discovered myself yet.
Modern morality about sex with multiple partners being bad ....being faithful is a virtue ....etc. etc. are not NATURAL. It is superimposed upon us by Christianity and Islam.
So for god's sake, go lose your virginity. Hookup with guys - and find out what is it that you enjoy and what not. Sex should be just one facet of your life - not your ENTIRE life. And if you are 22 but never got laid, sex (and thinking about sex) will become your life. That is not healthy. -
in the first step make good BF
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after that u can explore every thing with him step by step in safe sex
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do u feel u r gay or not this is very important quistion
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If you're looking for sex, well there's a lot of safe places where you can go to relieve yourselves but sure not in Gaybar !!!
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or gay party
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There is nothing wrong with being a virgin…..I wished I could say I'm still a virgin, but virginity departed from me when I was in highschool.....
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I'm 22 and still virgin. Never ever had sex with man or women before. Sometimes i want to have a one night stand but somethinng stops me and i feel it's not right . I havent came out yet. Really get mad sometimes
Getting naked with another guy always feel a little anxious and scary. But you've got to just get over it. You're biologically programmed to reproduce and you need the touch of a man (or woman) psychologically, everyone does. Get Grindr or whatever and start dating - it's what humans are supposed to do.
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i have the same problem
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The way I see it, there's no problem about being virgin. I deem it that you are good enough not to randomly have sex with people just for the sake of losing virginity and still patient enough to let it be taken away only by your most special one later.
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No need to rush at all. I've waited until I was 22 to have sex and I don't regret it.
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don't rush it, do it when you feel comfortable for best satisfaction
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Even I am handsome and great body! But it is the same! Gays approached me, but I don't like ones approaching me, ones I like, i don't know how to approach them!
You'll know when it's the right time to do something for the first time. I was 24 before I did anything with a guy, and even then it was only mutual handjobs…and then another year before I tried oral. I think I was 28 before I fucked.
I think some of my "slow start" was because I didn't want to connect with guys, much less have sex with them, unless I thought they were Mr. Totally Perfect. Needless to say, life was a bit lonely for me. But soon I learned that I could be friends with other gay guys for friendship's sake, not simply as a prelude to sex.
Still, I don't worry about having "lost time." I've had two wonderful relationships, several more boyfriends, and if I just want sex for its own sake, it's definitely available...but that has less appeal as I get older.
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