…and he throws a glance. What would YOU do?
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I don't often visit gay clubs either. I was talking about bars and clubs in general. Gay people frequent non-gay-specific establishments too. That doesn't narrow things down at all. Yes, I do think it's very rare that both parties will respond to each other in a situation as the one you described. It's not impossible though. But I believe that most people would avoid a total stranger in the street.
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Oh, great, that's another issue I wanted discussed:
So, how do you come out to someone in an environment that it's not nearly and officially gay-friendly?
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@imDutch, which is why I wonder. Why wouldn't you proceed with it? Would you say that you are not as inclined or you've never seen such a worthy case thus far?
Because there's a very little chance that the guy is gay/bisexual. Imagine that he's straight. Wouldn't that be embarrassing?
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@Amazonios: I don't think there's a golden rule for that. I believe every gay guy has to find his own way when and if he decides to come out to his family, friends, workplace etc. I also believe that non-aggressive ways work for the best. Everyone who knows me personally knows that I'm gay and no one has a problem with that. On the contrary, I've got many precious friends most of whom are straight. Take into account that I've been living with my partner for the last seven years and both our families are really happy about us. And they're not extra-progressive hippies or something (hehe!) My mother and my "mother-in-law" are deeply religious persons. Maybe I was lucky, but I think it was probably due to my approach. I'd let people know me first. When I meet someone for the first time, I don't go throwing "I'm gay and I'm proud!" at his/her face. Without hiding anything or implying otherwise, I give them some time to get to know me first and, when I feel the time is ripe, I make a comment such as "My partner and I…" No one seems to care. My experience proved to me that this is the best approach towards not-so-progressive people and they seem to appreciate that. But as I said, every situation is different, and each gay guy has to find the way he thinks it's best for him.
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You are walking on the street, when you turn your head around and see some gorgeous guy. When you are getting closer, he turns his head to look at you as well and that moment stands still in your memory.
This is a very common scenario, but it's heavily risky to make a step toward it. So, if you talk to him, you draw attention; additionally, you don't know with full certainty if he is interested in you.
How do you react in situations like this? That spark that lights up, when you see some great looking stranger in the street?
Well let's see Amaz. Like all the polite moles I generally, like imD, don't start the discussion after a glance. If interested I return the glance for a moment which is better not longer than 2 secs and a mild smile à La Gioconda. I keep then myself available to be buttonholed ^-^
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@imDutch, of course it would be embarassing. I see how you would act then, thanks
@Dax, I didn't mean to display a coming-out issue, I come out only to those I want (of course, my mother happened to find out, accidentally, by some messages in my inbox). It's not like I'm cool with it nor that I am not cool with it. I prefer to keep a balance and always behave in the same way you do. Also, the way you described yours sounds ideal
So, back on topic, if you are in a bar that's not gay-friendly, how do you reveal your intentions to someone? Don't we recycle the imDutch's point of view that it may be embarassing if this guy ain't interested in you or he is not either gay or bisexual? In other words, how can you tell if someone is into you, without having to exchange the classical nod of let's go to the bathroom?@agis, right, that way of managing a situation like this sounds promising, thanks for your input
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OK, let's imagine that you're in a bar and you have just met someone that hasn't displayed any behavior indicative of his interest (or lack thereof) in you. You could start up a conversation about anything. Music is a good topic. Or movies, TV series, etc. As the conversation progresses, you could throw a comment such as: "My ex-boyfriend used to say…" or "My ex-boyfriend used to drag me to this kind of movies". His reaction to that comment would be revealing of his interest in you (or not). It doesn't have to be embarrassing. If your statement is in the most casual manner, you could easily change topics in case you don't see the reaction you were hoping for. Besides, assuming the conversation was interesting up to that point for both of you, there's no reason for any of you to stop it there. Either way, you manage to find his intentions AND have a good conversation.
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Hmm depends on the look, is he glancing just by casually, is he surprised, is he eating you with his eyes in a sec… that would basically tell me if how I should act back... well if you want to find if the cute guy in the straight bar is gay or not and you can't read body language well... just drop the "that guy over there looks gay" and see where that leads you >:D mwhahah, but for what my friends tell me Dutch people do are more relaxed about it, or am I entering the sterotyping universe again... Dorothy let's go home. :love:
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@agis, right, that way of managing a situation like this sounds promising, thanks for your input
Don't mention it dear ^-^.
The not more than 2 secs duration of your returning glance goes in the same direction of the non aggressive approach Dax has already written about.
This thing has even been scientifically studied by sociologists, antropologists and stuff but is also one of those few things easy to experiment on our own without particular preliminary needs -
How do you react in situations like this? That spark that lights up, when you see some great looking stranger in the street?"
Usually people do not want a person who wants them too badly too early that they'd be willing to approach them out of nowhere to say hello. Someone who does that risks being ignored, as the person being approached will believe it shows the person approaching them may be desperate, and that they should wait for someone better.
It also shows the person being approached that this person approaching them may have their emotions too easily triggered by people (hence too easily triggerable by someone else). The contradiction involved in courtship— flaunting your desire while playing hard to get— is too-complicated a task for people passing on the sidewalk.
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