My family disowned me

[Voided]

When I came out to my family they disowned me, my dad said he didn't raise a faggot and he was disgusted with me. He told me I was an abomination and cursed me to never find happiness or purpose. It's hard for me to believe my dad did this out of "hard love" and more out of hate that I wasn't like him. My mom started talking to me here and there over the years but my dad still refuses to speak with me. It's been hard to love my dad since he's only shown me hate over the years. I guess I can't be his son and love hairy cocks at the same time. =(

[ianfontinell]

@Voided I'm sorry to hear that... I've never really came out to my parents, my dad was already 62 years old when I was born, although he's never been a hateful person, he'd still make some occasional homophobic remarks. But I think that despite his age, and the fact that he lived most of his life in a completely different cultural context, he was quite chill. Most of the hatred I suffered specially as a kid came from my brothers.

I find it really odd, though, cases like yours, where the parents are very loving and affectionate and it's all gone when you come out. When the blow comes from the mother, I believe it's more fear than anything else, that you will go on to live a very miserable life, because of all the hatred and violence, but of course that's just a silly thought of mine that's probably groundless.

And when it's the father who is more forsaking, from most stories I've heard (from real people, not fiction), it's almost like a forced regression, where you coming out makes them visit a moment of their lives where they had to face their own sexuality and suppress it because of others.

Yet again, I know it's silly and cliché to say "my dad's such a homophobe that I think he's secretly gay", it's not always true but is still true in many cases.

If you see it like this, he's not frustrated because you're not like him, but because you are.
Lastly, you might have lost your dad in a way, but you gained the opportunity to live your life in your own terms, you don't need to prove a point to anyone or live up anyone's expectations other than yourself.

That's not the worst outcome, if you think about it, you could end up living a lie, married with a woman you forced yourself to love but never managed to, and saw life waste away until it was too late to regret.

[Kekkaishi]

I am sorry to hear this happened to you. Can't say that I am surprised by your dad's reaction, and I also can't entirely condemn him for not accepting you 100% for who you are. He may not accept you, but the least he can do is tolerate you - which he is not doing obviously. Hopefully I am making sense....