The poisonous snake
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2 guys were out in a jungle. One of the guys walks a few meters to the side in order to take a leak, when he suddenly gets bit in his dick.
-“Heeeeeelp!”
-“What happened?”
-“I’ve been bit in my dick by a poisonous snake!”
His friend calls 911 where they tell him that if they don’t arrive right away, then he has 5 minutes to suck out the poison.
-“What did the doctors say?”
-“That you will die in five minutes.”
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