I have a bad "gut" feeling about my boyfriend
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I'm sure might be late or not make any effect on you, but the real truth is that, is the "real world", you don't need "proof" or really be "right" to end up this relationship. You're trying to get to the "facts" to justify something that you are already 99% sure it's going on. If you guys had any kind of healthy relationship standards, would be ok to ask if something wrong was going on, that you weren't feeling him thrust worthy and that it's not working for you.
I know that when we love somebody things are harder to do and think of. But try to be more mature/racional about it and you'll see that you DON'T need to find proofs that he is cheating on you, you already think so, it's already a "solid" kind of truth in your mind, and his tactics that prevent you from "proofing" it are the same things that even if you found out EVERYTHING you don't know, he will still have his ways to make you forgive him or find yourself guilty of the whole situation.
I can only guess that you'll only realize too late that were in an abusive relationship all along and you'll wish you had done something sooner.
My condolences.
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leave him
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I agree with KakuBr's second post. You don't trust him, which is prerequisite for anything above the "cruising in an alley" relationship. His defensiveness and avoidance only shows that your suspicions are hitting pretty close to home. Don't bother looking for excuses to drop him - just do it.
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have you tried taking different approach - talking about opening your relationship - because you're far apart, young, want to experiment blah blah - whatever, just to see his reaction? if you position "extramarital activities" as something bad from a start, he will instinctively take a defensive stance. just communicate. maybe you both really need an open relationship. and if you really have irreconcilable differences on relationship fundamentals, then fuck it.
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Sounds a little bit sociopath. But you know him better than any of us do. No matter how many advices you get. If you're not sure there will be a risk. "Either… or either... ". Do it the way so you won't regret anything
I wish I could say it's all ok but when I hear stories like this I always feel like the worst option is the true one. -
Trust your gut. Too often we try to rationalize our gut feelings away… but your initial reaction is usually the correct one.
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I'd say talk to him about an open relationship.
Or leave him.
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When he's out, put his stuff outside and change the locks on the doors. Have a couple of good friends around when he returns. Tell us when you have given him the push.
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When he's out, put his stuff outside and change the locks on the doors. Have a couple of good friends around when he returns. Tell us when you have given him the push.
Best solution I can think of. LoL! >:D
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Just my 2 cents, but there's no way checking out his phone will end well.
I actually disagree. It won't save the relationship; that's over. I think we're all 99% sure the boyfriend's cheating or wants to. Either way, it obviously isn't a relationship in which both partners feel comfortable discussing important matters like this.
However, I have lived through this myself, I have watched close friends live through it, and I think there is one good thing that may likely come from checking the phone. If he knows the guy's cheating (and not just a lot of feelings and self-doubting), it can make it a lot easier to break up, get over him, and move on to a healthier relationship.
P.S. : I realise some time has passed. Any updates on the situation?
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My two cents…..
I normally go with trusting your instincts. Sometimes people are insecure though and their instincts may be their own insecurities, but you have a lot of valid signs that are giving you gut feelings, and I think you should start trusting them. As to how to address it….
Honesty is the best policy. That means being honest with yourself and honest with him. At the end of the day, when all the cards are on the table, you can at least know that you were being honest and acting in a trustworthy manner. Checking his phone is something I'd avoid. If it comes to the point where you feel you need to snoop into his phone, then the damage has already been done and there's no point in lowering yourself like that. I would suggest not even questioning his actions since you've already done that, just decide what it is you want to do, and then say that's what you're doing. If you want to just resort to being friends, say so. If you want to fully break up, just say so.
I broke up with my 2nd partner after four years. I loved the guy, but our relationship turned into one where we became more friends than boyfriends. He was living with me, but spending his weekends with other friends. I was financing things for him, and I just decided enough was enough. I sat him down and said that this wasn't the type of relationship I wanted. I wanted an intimate relationship. I told him that it would be up to him how to proceed. If he wanted to be boyfriends, we'd be boyfriends, but he'd have to stop acting like he's still single. If he didn't want to be boyfriends, then we would part amicably. I thought this through and told him to think about it for a week. I still loved the guy and decided laying stuff on him out of the blue and expecting an immediate answer wasn't something I would do. I wanted him to be able to consider what I said and then come back to me with an answer. He did and we broke up.
I'm in my third relationship right now. My first relationship lasted 24 years, and then the love of my life died suddenly. I always believed I could have done some things better, so in this relationship, having the advantage of age and experience, I've decided that I would always be fully honest. I never say or do anything unless it's something I'd be comfortable admitting. That's why I keep stressing honesty. Be honest with yourself and learn what it is you want. Be honest with him in telling him it's what you want.
Best wishes to you.
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probably you have a boyfriend full of love. not a bad thing if you can accept that. good luck.
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Yes he is cheating. Now I have a same problem with my boyfriend and Im planning to break up.
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:blownose:
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