Sleeping with married men IS NOT OKAY.

SemenDemon

IMHO, cheating is a selfish thing to do under just about any circumstances. Being complicit in it isn't any better. The only instance where it doesn't strike me as totally shitty is when a couple is separated, divorced or planning to divorce and they really have no semblance of a relationship left. Beyond that, if the damage you could cause doesn't bother you in the least, you're probably a narcissistic asshole who doesn't deserve to be in real relationships anyway. That's true of most cheaters, though, so I guess pointing that out is a bit like screaming at a wall.

I am all for honest open relationships and whatever other kinds of relationships consenting adults want to get into. I am not going to defend sham relationships when you have to lie to your wife, partner or SO just to satisfy your own fleeting sexual desires, though. Don't agree to the terms unless you're prepared to hold up your end of the bargain. Simple as that.

Now, let's get another thing clear: None of this has anything whatsoever to do with "political correctness". I fucking hate PC culture, but it's completely irrelevant to this topic. People are conflating "political correctness" with centuries-old Western precepts of interrelational morality. Learn what words mean before parroting them to sound educated (also laughing about the incredibly awkward and unnecessary use of the word "paradigm" in this thread, BTW). A lot of hysterical PC idiots would actually say that monogamy and "traditional Western values" in general (which are admittedly based partly in Christianity*) are bad things.

*It's true that a lot of our Western morals and principles are rooted in Christianity, but those morals and principles have evolved and matured far beyond unquestioning religious deference over the centuries. It would be incredibly naive to boil them all down to archaic religious fundamentalism. It would be outright dishonest to eschew them entirely as some kind of suffocating dogmatic weight foisted on you by society.

Bluesurfer

@smbsmbsmb123:

@PetShopBoys:

I find it absolutely reprehensible that there is an entire subculture of the gay community dedicated to bedding married men. It's just sick on both ends. For one, the man is MARRIED. Not just talking to someone. Not just testing the waters. MARRIED. In lots of cases, the men have children. If you're a married man sleeping around, you should be ashamed of yourself. As should you be if you're a man (or woman, for that matter) who chooses to be intimate with a married man.

well, youre the only one that needs to be shamed. try doing your own thing instead of preaching pc bullshit to other people. while you may be right in saying you dont want to listen to your acquaintances (youre definitely no friend to this poor fellow) escapades, youve absolutely no right to tell anyone else how to live their life, let alone pass judgement on them, nobody has.

Personally I would be interested in hearing your answers that were posted by PetShopBoys. As a previously married man with children I agree totally with the points being raised by PetShopBoys and can remember that time in my life (closeted) and while the opportunity to fool around was there I too believed in being true to my marriage and the commitment to the person I married and took a pass. When I finally got the guts to be first honest with myself and then my wife, I was pleased that the women I had married who was also my best friend supported me and was there to help me over the bumps of explaining to our children, our friends and families and is still today one of my best friends. Just one more reason to be faithful to the one you're with, be they your wife or your husband. The points being made can also be asked in relation to married men.. to each other….. How would you feel then? Sure be interested to know? :hmmm:

kaeyresky

it may not be right, but it's not like sleeping with married people is exclusive to the gay community.

semurg30

I'm mainly attracted to married straight men.

Equestrian

Are there any cases that they are forced to be str8 and married and then have children but actually gay? Anyway, it is always a difficult question to tell what's right in sex.

cupofass

I cannot understand gay men's obsession with straight men!!!! Why do we pine for something that obviously is not attracted to us? Is it the allure of something we can never really have? Is it that weird obsession with only wanting to be used as a hole for straight dick? Don't tear apart these marriages unless you are absolutely sure that its over! and Don't lie to yourself either. I know this may be a little off topic and personal preference but have you seen gay porn with straight men??? It is the most uncomfortable concoction of boredom, one or both of the guys obviously not interested in who's fucking or who their fucking, I'd rather watch something that had flare and excitement when two gay men who are attracted to each other fuck. Not that Johnny Rapid Bullshit where he literally makes the same face every time he gets fucked, obviously faking it. Leave it alone guys there are enough hot gay men out there, leave the straights to their procreation.

alma

@kaeyresky:

it may not be right, but it's not like sleeping with married people is exclusive to the gay community.

True
cupofass i agree with you 100% on this subject .
especially In porn I get SO Turned off when straight men are acting like ((Oh suck me yeah it feels good . and his eyes goes ::) ))
And i don't fall for straight men ,If i do i will stay the HELL away from it since that is just A heartbreak waiting to happen .

PetShopBoys

@kaeyresky:

it may not be right, but it's not like sleeping with married people is exclusive to the gay community.

I don't recall saying that it was. And it would be naive of one to think so.

farkme

@kaeyresky:

it may not be right, but it's not like sleeping with married people is exclusive to the gay community.

I think only sleeping with married men is pretty much exclusive to gays.

poison824

I too don't understand why it's such a 'fetish' in our community. I find it appalling. The lying, cheating and disrespect just because a guy can't be honest and upfront.

It says a lot about men and our community in general. And no wonder stereotypes occur.

Just because sex is readily available doesn't mean a person should have sex with a person who is in a committed and monogamous relationship. If you are going to cheat, tell your partner or leave the relationship. Be a man, no be a human being and be upfront.

spam17

@cupofass:

I cannot understand gay men's obsession with straight men!!!! Why do we pine for something that obviously is not attracted to us? Is it the allure of something we can never really have? Is it that weird obsession with only wanting to be used as a hole for straight dick? Don't tear apart these marriages unless you are absolutely sure that its over! and Don't lie to yourself either. I know this may be a little off topic and personal preference but have you seen gay porn with straight men??? It is the most uncomfortable concoction of boredom, one or both of the guys obviously not interested in who's fucking or who their fucking, I'd rather watch something that had flare and excitement when two gay men who are attracted to each other fuck. Not that Johnny Rapid Bullshit where he literally makes the same face every time he gets fucked, obviously faking it. Leave it alone guys there are enough hot gay men out there, leave the straights to their procreation.

::)

unpleased

Morally speaking it's despicable, there's no discussion ::)

As a personal opinion

If your friend is making the first move, well he shouldn't.
Otherwise I would be a liar saying I won't accept that proposal >:D

My philosophy is be honest with yourself and with the others,
do what you feel comfortable doing, don't judge and let's see.

admitting that's a bit selfish

JohnEryn

I don't like cheating neither. But I'm more radical bc I don't even like to talk with guys that already have boyfriends, not even if they only do it “as a friend”. As soon as they tell me “I'm not single”, I say “Bye”. It's rude, I'm perfectly aware of that. But I simply don't feel comfortable talking with guys in a relationship and I certainly would never fuck a man knowingly that he's already attached. I think that only the swingers who follow the needs of their asses/dicks all the time, are those that do it without thinking about the harm that they make.

JerodParker

A guy I know is in the closet and he prefers having sex with married men because he knows they are more secretive and so it's less likely he'll be found out. Some gay guys are actually pretty vindictive.

unpleased

@JerodParker:

A guy I know is in the closet and he prefers having sex with married men because he knows they are more secretive and so it's less likely he'll be found out. Some gay guys are actually pretty vindictive.

both true and deeply sad/bleak

jkronfuss

@unpleased:

@JerodParker:

A guy I know is in the closet and he prefers having sex with married men because he knows they are more secretive and so it's less likely he'll be found out. Some gay guys are actually pretty vindictive.

both true and deeply sad/bleak

Agreed, everytime I was approached or contacted by some guy who later presented himself as married I found myself asking him:

What would your wife think about this?
She does not have a clue.
Yeah, sure, whatever. ::)

That double life, I cannot understandt it, really, I fail everytime I tried.

DamaDama

in my humble opinion, one should NOT get involved with a married man.Even if he wants him and find him attractive,one must not so not do this.Even if someone is not emotional and all and does not care and does one-night stands he shouldn't.

Eridanos

Honestly I don't believe in relationships with closeted married men.

Because in this case there might be an innocent third party that might be harmed (kids, a truly unknowing wife). In this case, the married man and the one who cheats with are just narcissistic pricks.

Regarding the OP's post his friend seems to actually ONLY SLEEP WITH married men. In this case it seems more like an unhealthy fixation that goes beyond the harmless fetish area.

aadam101

I would never ask a guy if he is married. Not my business.

jb420

I always put in on the married party because after all, they're the ones who took vows so if I sleep with a married man, it's on him, not me. I took no vows to be faithful. That said, I think it varies from person to person and marriage to marriage.

I can imagine circumstances where it is ok to sleep with someone who is married. That doesn't mean it's always okay, but it also doesn't mean it's always wrong.

When you're talking about things as complicated and complex as human relationships, absolutes won't get you very far.