Would you date with someone who isnt out?

furfiend

Probably not. I think I've overcome a lot of hurdles over the years in order to be truly comfortable with my sexuality. Nothing against closeted people, but I think I would probably be frustrated by the inability to be myself around them - with friends, family, etc. I understand the need to be discreet, but it's not my cup of tea when it comes to relationships.

…Doesn't mean I can't hook up with 'em, though.

^ Pretty much this.
I can understand being in the closet, and that's fine. Friends? Hook up? A couple "dates" in his flat? Sure. But I'm not going to get into anything serious knowing I'd have to hide it half the time. I'm comfortable out of the closet ; I don't want to go back in.

deflorare

I'd go on dates with him, but I wouldn't be in a relationship until he came out.

WackyRabbit

I would, for everyone needs to be themselves no if and or but. Some people it takes time to come out, until you are in that person situation you do not know what he is dealing with or going through. No one should be forced out of the closet to please someone else. Everyone should live their own life the best they know how. It is not right for me to tell someone to get out of the closet so we can date. Dating is not a serious as a relationship, so why not date him.

I would say the same thing if we were in a relationship and him being in the closet, Oh wait I am in a relationship for almost 8 years now, to someone that is in the closet with his family. His family loves me and I love them and I would never force my partner out for it is not for me to take this away from him. I believe when the time is right he will do what is right for him and I respect his decision. By no means does him being in the closet effect our relationship or me.

Most of the gay community does a lot of judging of others and never really knowing what a person is going through or hearing them and I mean truly hearing them. It people took a gave a little kindness to others it would go a long way.

ckslad

No.

alfie4030

yes :hug: :love: :cheers:

neznamsoznam

I would, definitely. I don't think we should have prejudices on people based on the issue of their coming out. It is their decision and it's up to them only if and/or when they should come out to their friends and family.

I think we all have faced this situation and we know best that we have to try to be as open and nondiscriminatory as possible. We are fighting for equality, but in the same time we are incorporating so many categories in our community as well.

While straight people are elaborating on the issue if they can be friends with gay people, some of "us" are in doubt if they can date someone who is in the closet, be with a trans man/woman, want to hang out with obviously effeminate guys… we are putting limits everywhere!

We are all human! Don't be so hard on yourselves.

21mapple

I did once, and as someone who has already come out I thought being able to support them would be fine.

It is however difficult as you become a lie for them and something they hide. They had a milestone birthday which I couldnt attend. In the end it was part of why our relationship ended.

36605domtop

@furfiend:

@Goldernico:

Probably not. I think I've overcome a lot of hurdles over the years in order to be truly comfortable with my sexuality. Nothing against closeted people, but I think I would probably be frustrated by the inability to be myself around them - with friends, family, etc. I understand the need to be discreet, but it's not my cup of tea when it comes to relationships.

…Doesn't mean I can't hook up with 'em, though.

^ Pretty much this.
I can understand being in the closet, and that's fine. Friends? Hook up? A couple "dates" in his flat? Sure. But I'm not going to get into anything serious knowing I'd have to hide it half the time. I'm comfortable out of the closet ; I don't want to go back in.

I agree with you guys. Being with someone who isn't out can be a bit limiting. All those things that you don't concern yourself with once you are comfortable with yourself and out, become things you have to think about when you get involved with someone who isn't out. Holding hands in public, randomly kissing or being affectionate…those are no go's. Where and with whom you socialize...gotta think about it.

I couldn't seriously get involved with someone who isn't out. It's like trying to cage a bird, that's already had a taste of freedom. It's hard to go back in.

fbowe1

I think it has it's risks.

You could love the person, the excitement of being the only other person to know.

But then you could get hurt, when they decide ignore you in public or with their friends.

It would depend on what you want out of the relationship.

fuckall

What about somebody who isn't out and tells you that he isn' going to come out at all? A married man etc.

jazuko

well considering im not out either wed be in the same boat so sure why not.

alfie4030

yessssss

tatsuya57

I think "no" because it would be like an inability of being myself in public. Lying to his family and friends would be like returning to the closet :-[ But actually, you never know what can happen in the future…so maybe

acakbenak

I'm out and I have dated some closeted and outed guys.

Each has its own perks, I think. Living in a country where public display of affection is frowned upon, even for straight couples, and where homosexuality is considered a disease or mental disorder, it does not make quite a difference between the two.

It is indeed felt nice when my partner introduced me as his partner. I feel… acknowledged.
But it is also feel nice when I am introduced as a mere friend or cousin, because I don't think people need to know our personal life.

I am currently in a relationship with a closeted guy, and I enjoy it. We only come out as partners to a select few, those we actually care about and care about us. I did introduce him to my family, and he did promise me to do the same when he is ready.

I would not push him, tho. It took my parents three years from kicking me out of the house when I came out to start calling me again and welcome me home. It took them five more years to be willing to meet my partner at that time without showing their disappointment or even disgusted feeling they might have.

So, I'll let my current partner to take his time, even though it will take forever.

But then again, everyone will have different opinions and takes on this matter. As long as we are all happy with our choices, and understand the consequences, of course.

Love,
AB.

unknown69

Maybe, depends how deep they are in the closet and only for the one night stand, or a fuck buddy. I would never start a relationship with a closet case. They are horrible boyfriends and you effectively become a toy who is only pulled out of the closet when they feel so. It's obvious that holding hands in public is a no with such guys, but it doesn't stop there, they will also alienate you in front of the people they know. Closetted guys are never relaxed and comfortable around you, unless you are alone with them. They can suck life out of you as well and even pull you back in the closet.

oqoqoq

I would say yes if it was a short term thing. Harmless fun? Sure. But if we saw each other being together long term, unless it was a case of safety, I'd much much much prefer us both being "out".

humandoormat

not cool

agogpry

For me it wouldn't be a problem

Eridanos

I wouldn't mind. It might add some guilty thrill to the thing…

As long as the dude isn't married and/or with kids. (That is very dangerous territory since your actions affect other people besides yourselves)

But honestly, for a long time commitment I'd rather be with someone who is out (at least to family and friends)

poltergeist

As long as he is good natured. And also single, although this may be troublesome in a long term