Are you the man or the woman in the relationship?
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I think that what people mean when they ask a question like that is 'Who is dominant and who is submissive in your relationship?' But when using 'male' and 'female' instead, it doesn't make any sense. In some relationships, females are dominant and men are submissive.
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Unlike so many in this thread, I don't think the question is inappropriate at all in its nature. I absolutely understand where some of the descent is coming from; and wouldn't be surprised if the demographic of those responses held to the older respondents. Back in the day (when I wasn't so gray around the edges) such a question was usually posed to a gay friend by some well-intentioned, but under-informed straight person that truly had no idea at all what a gay relationship truly was. It was–especially back then--incomprehensible that a gay relationship could be no different than that of our straight counterpart.
I also think a lot of the response here--specifically those aghast by the implication that one of the participants is 'not' a man is likely somewhat of an overcompensation by a mostly younger demographic that haven't yet fully realized their own place in the world.
I for one can answer that I am very much the one taking the 'woman's' role in relationships. Labeling the roles by gender is probably not the most effective way to have posed the question, but I don't think it's as absurd as many do. I don't think it would be possible for me to be any more 'manly' than I already am. Where gender stereotypes are concerned I likely fit most every one, right down to watching football on Sunday afternoons after spending my Saturday dicking around under the hood of whatever neighbor's car needed a little tweaking under the hood.
In my relationships (and I mean all of them) however, I very much take on the passive, care-taking role; or if you insist, the role of the woman. I'm the one that keeps the house running and clean, I'm the one that cooks and does the laundry and in no uncertain terms, he (whoever he may be) is the one that's going to take out the trash, hang the Christmas lights and...most importantly...kill every spider that ever crosses my path!!!
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@ Instantfuck
While I understand and to a tiny degree, agree with you, you still can't really say that there is a "man" or "woman" role in relationships.
Relationship roles haven't been fixed since the mid 1960s. Lot's of men have done the cooking (and other household chores) even though the useless wife laid around watching her "stories".
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I don't think there must be a man or a woman in a gay relationship. When I seek for a man I want someone that has a man body, when I seek for a woman I want a feminine body, but I either don't want a caveman or a drag queen for the first or a truck driver or a bitch for the second… there is a middle way I hope and I enjoy when someone is not at the extreme side...
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Some people just really are this stupid, it's true.
it's the ultimate heterosexual narcissism, they see the world in black and white so everything is this or that, on or off, 0 or 1.
That's why we have a RAINBOW flag as symbol of diversity.
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Oh, please what they really want to know is who's the fucker (man) and who gets fucked (woman)
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Oh, please what they really want to know is who's the fucker (man) and who gets fucked (woman)
of course that's what they're asking. but as I said above it's a reflection of their own narcissism and narrow-mindedness that gay sex is as static and binary as their own.
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Oh, please what they really want to know is who's the fucker (man) and who gets fucked (woman)
Does this men that in a straight relationship, if the female uses a strap-on that she becomes the man and her partner becomes the Woman?
If you are versatile, does that mean your a Woman some of the time and a Man the rest?
In our relationship I am the top, but when it comes to everything else we both have our strong points with both the typical male and female duties and each do what we are best at.
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Yes, in the mindset of limited bigoted people, if a woman puts a strap on she becomes the man and the man becomes something to laugh at and mock.
Limited bigoted people don't understand the concept of "versatile partners". In their minds versatile gays are just gays that confuse them even more than the top/bottom=man/woman setup.
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"The reciprocal scenario, where both men take turns fucking each other, is often exercised as a celebration of equality. What sets this scenario apart from the others is the versatility of the men involved. Versatility is a unique and important feature of male anal sex. Some men consider it liberating; (…) Versatility to them is akin to speaking two different languages. It requires a special kind of playfulness, creativity, curiosity, and coordination."
— Steven G. Underwood, Gay Men and anal eroticism: tops, bottoms, and versatiles, Harrington Park Press 2003
::) -
Re: "Man" and "woman."
I think the question would be more clear if it's phrased as 'masculine' and 'feminine'. Or even 'dominant' and 'submissive' (not in the BDSM meaning).
To be very fair there -is- a form of fetish of…uh, where an overtly feminine gay seeks an overtly masculine gay, and there -is- a clear, delineated, almost obscene traditional gender roles there.
(check out http://masc4femme.tumblr.com and http://femme4masc.tumblr.com if you want to look more).So for some couples, the question does apply.
Is it 'right' or 'wrong'? I will say that it's not for everyone. I myself feel attracted to the size difference aspect of it but definitely not to the…patriarchal feel of it.But it is just one view and thinking of it as the only view is deeply problematic (looking at you, Japanese BL). For one thing, the core of the idea -is- a traditional, patriarchal worldview where the man works and makes decision and the woman serves and takes care of home and sex and MEH.
Not all relationships are like that. Other couples might be more equal, more blurry in presentation and roles, and that's definitely OKAY. Not to mention the dynamics between individuals makes each relationship to be different in many aspects (one might be 'the woman' in the bed but 'the man' in the other aspects; or one might be the woman in one relationship and the man in the rest)
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Thaaat said, if you ask -me-, I think personally I'll be the more feminine/submissive part of the couple.
…That's more of a personality flaw than anything else.
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I tend to let my husband take charge in the sack, and yes we like to use the word ass-pussy or just pussy. Im bottom and a little submissive to my husband when it comes to sex, but i dont feel like a woman.
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I guess ''the man'' but it's really unrelated to the sex bit but just everything. :blind:
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**_
"The hold he has me in is a thing of beauty: hand firmly around my neck without choking me, cock buried in my ass, tongue exploring my own mouth, and his other hand sweetly yet purposefully stroking my own cock, even though he knows I don’t need it at all to be satisfied in bed.
Even when I’m spread out in bed, a pussyboi in all his majesty, his might overpowers me and everything about us. To see him all around me, working on me, is to witness true power.
The very image of a true powerful, benevolent Stud in control."
:cool2:_**
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**_
"The hold he has me in is a thing of beauty: hand firmly around my neck without choking me, cock buried in my ass, tongue exploring my own mouth, and his other hand sweetly yet purposefully stroking my own cock, even though he knows I don’t need it at all to be satisfied in bed.
Even when I’m spread out in bed, a pussyboi in all his majesty, his might overpowers me and everything about us. To see him all around me, working on me, is to witness true power.
The very image of a true powerful, benevolent Stud in control."
:cool2:
Love that scene. :blind:_**
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this question makes me sad! because it show how fucked up gays are
and no it's not about the society! gays think this way too! I met many gays before wanting a guy to be the man or the girl in the relation it's really sad! and I don't think those guys are gays! like if you want to be a girl in the relationship and you're acting girly and stuff maybe you need a sex change and you're under the transgender category! and if you're a guy who want to be manly and be with a girly boy then I think you have a problem! and it's not sexual at this point! for me real gays are the men who are attracted to other men and both are equally the men of the relationship no matter who's bottom or top! -
**_@Bengalis:**_"The hold he has me in is a thing of beauty: hand firmly around my neck without choking me, cock buried in my ass, tongue exploring my own mouth, and his other hand sweetly yet purposefully stroking my own cock, even though he knows I don’t need it at all to be satisfied in bed.
Even when I’m spread out in bed, a pussyboi in all his majesty, his might overpowers me and everything about us. To see him all around me, working on me, is to witness true power.
The very image of a true powerful, benevolent Stud in control."
:cool2:
Love that scene. :blind:
::)****
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this question makes me sad! because it show how fucked up gays are
and no it's not about the society! gays think this way too! I met many gays before wanting a guy to be the man or the girl in the relation it's really sad! and I don't think those guys are gays! like if you want to be a girl in the relationship and you're acting girly and stuff maybe you need a sex change and you're under the transgender category! and if you're a guy who want to be manly and be with a girly boy then I think you have a problem! and it's not sexual at this point! for me real gays are the men who are attracted to other men and both are equally the men of the relationship no matter who's bottom or top!….see, I disagreed.
You heavily implied that there's only certain ways to be a guy and certain ways to be a girl and that's not true at all.There is no one way to be a man-- just as there is no one way to be a woman.
BUT, I acknowledge and agree that attraction is a different thing. Whether physically or mentally, attraction can be influenced but cannot be forced either way. If you like a certain type of guy, then that's your flavor. Others have different taste, influenced by different things.And also,
Gender identity =/= personality =/= interest.
so for a guy to feel like he's a girl =/= having a 'girly' personality =/= interested in 'girly' hobbies or interest.
And the attraction part is also different.
One can feel attracted to feminine guys and still being a homosexual. One can be attracted to masculine girls and still being a heterosexual. -
this question makes me sad! because it show how fucked up gays are
and no it's not about the society! gays think this way too! I met many gays before wanting a guy to be the man or the girl in the relation it's really sad! and I don't think those guys are gays! like if you want to be a girl in the relationship and you're acting girly and stuff maybe you need a sex change and you're under the transgender category! and if you're a guy who want to be manly and be with a girly boy then I think you have a problem! and it's not sexual at this point! for me real gays are the men who are attracted to other men and both are equally the men of the relationship no matter who's bottom or top!….see, I disagreed.
You heavily implied that there's only certain ways to be a guy and certain ways to be a girl and that's not true at all.There is no one way to be a man-- just as there is no one way to be a woman.
BUT, I acknowledge and agree that attraction is a different thing. Whether physically or mentally, attraction can be influenced but cannot be forced either way. If you like a certain type of guy, then that's your flavor. Others have different taste, influenced by different things.And also,
Gender identity =/= personality =/= interest.
so for a guy to feel like he's a girl =/= having a 'girly' personality =/= interested in 'girly' hobbies or interest.
And the attraction part is also different.
One can feel attracted to feminine guys and still being a homosexual. One can be attracted to masculine girls and still being a heterosexual.**Interesting..
**
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