<![CDATA[Need some help]]>So a little background first.

My boyfriend, being 35 years old, came out to his mother and the rest of his friends and family at the age of 31. When he came out his whole family accepted him and continued to love him and not care except his mother. His mother was extremely shocked and for the next few months she said things such as "you know, there is a pill to cure you" and other things that were very hurtful to him. Now, 4 years later they have not spoken. She has been texting back and forth with his sister saying that she is sorry and wants him to contact her. She says that she understands now and she just wants him back in her life. I've tried to get him to think about talking to her and just give her one last chance, but he won't do it.

I just hate to see him not have his mother because I lost my father, not because I am gay, but just because he is emotionally distant and wants nothing to do with me.

Anybody have any feedback on this? Advice?

Thanks.

]]>https://community.gaytor.rent/topic/9918/need-some-helpRSS for NodeWed, 08 Apr 2026 11:08:50 GMTMon, 28 Apr 2014 21:56:15 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to Need some help on Wed, 28 May 2014 22:24:58 GMT]]>@pkfegroup:

Here's the thing.  The best pieces of advice that I can give you are:

First - You can't change his family or how he feels about his family.  If his mom wants to get back in touch, then she knows how to dial a phone or write a letter/email/whatever.  If she is doing it through his sister/her daughter, then she isn't really ready.  It is a good sign that she's evolving on the issue.  And your bf will do what he needs to do for his own sanity.

Second - You can sit down and tell your bf how you feel.  (a) that you are mindful that you lost your dad and it had an emotional impact on you; and (b) you support him in whatever he decides is best; and © you won't bring it up again or nag him.

She doesn't have his number since they haven't spoken in so long, nor an address of any sort.

]]>https://community.gaytor.rent/post/97827https://community.gaytor.rent/post/97827Wed, 28 May 2014 22:24:58 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Need some help on Sun, 04 May 2014 20:44:54 GMT]]>Here's the thing.  The best pieces of advice that I can give you are:

First - You can't change his family or how he feels about his family.  If his mom wants to get back in touch, then she knows how to dial a phone or write a letter/email/whatever.  If she is doing it through his sister/her daughter, then she isn't really ready.  It is a good sign that she's evolving on the issue.  And your bf will do what he needs to do for his own sanity.

Second - You can sit down and tell your bf how you feel.  (a) that you are mindful that you lost your dad and it had an emotional impact on you; and (b) you support him in whatever he decides is best; and © you won't bring it up again or nag him.

]]>https://community.gaytor.rent/post/96619https://community.gaytor.rent/post/96619Sun, 04 May 2014 20:44:54 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Need some help on Sun, 04 May 2014 18:16:24 GMT]]>@chubchaser:

I wouldn't say I nag him, I have only brought it up a couple of times and all I told him to do was to think about it. Don't just throw the thought away, make sure that you are okay with how things are.

You have brought it up a couple of times. That is enough. Coming from someone who doesn't speak with their father because of personal issues, if you keep "forcing" contact, in a way, you will just end up hurting your relationship with your boyfriend. When/if he feels ready to get back with his mother, he will. Don't let that become something bad in your relationship!

]]>https://community.gaytor.rent/post/96598https://community.gaytor.rent/post/96598Sun, 04 May 2014 18:16:24 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Need some help on Sun, 04 May 2014 17:27:07 GMT]]>I wouldn't say I nag him, I have only brought it up a couple of times and all I told him to do was to think about it. Don't just throw the thought away, make sure that you are okay with how things are.

]]>https://community.gaytor.rent/post/96597https://community.gaytor.rent/post/96597Sun, 04 May 2014 17:27:07 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Need some help on Wed, 30 Apr 2014 02:23:25 GMT]]>I think its great that you care for the guy but its a family issue and its up to them to take the steps to ammend.

]]>https://community.gaytor.rent/post/96316https://community.gaytor.rent/post/96316Wed, 30 Apr 2014 02:23:25 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Need some help on Tue, 29 Apr 2014 05:06:15 GMT]]>Don't be a nag (not saying you are).  That will just make things worse.

I don't speak to my mom and haven't done so for 20ish years.  My partner used to nag me about contacting her and it just pissed me off.

Subtle encouragement is the best approach, but be careful how far you push it.

]]>https://community.gaytor.rent/post/96264https://community.gaytor.rent/post/96264Tue, 29 Apr 2014 05:06:15 GMT