I logged on to my gaytor.rent account today and discovered a message from Support, politely warning me about something they called a ratio, informing me that it was dangerously low.

Naturally, this aroused my curiosity, and prompted me to conduct some on-site research, in order to discover the significance of this strange new word, ratio. Thinking this would be a chore, I suddenly noticed that there were numerous links on the page…not just "Browse" and "Search."

Somehow, in my hysterical, frenzied rush to get to the high-quality, digital video depicting hedonistic acts of sticky, steamy, thrusting, lust-saturated sodomy, I had consistently overlooked the numerous, easily accessible (but text-based, and therefore not-sexy) parts of this site, explaining how this wondrous miracle called bittorrent actually worked, and pointing me to any number of places where I could gather more in-depth knowledge of "the way of the ratio."

Eventually, after much diligent and thorough study, the mysterious secrets of ratio became clear to me. The essence of ratio is the achievement of balance between its dual components:  seedings and leechings. These are the yin and yang that define ratio, and bring balance and order to the filesharing universe.

It suddenly dawned on me, to my deep dismay,  that I had not been "sowing the seeds of lust" as I should.

Dismay turned to sheer terror when the next mortifying thought sprang to mind: I must look like a terribly selfish, porn-hoarding bastard in the eyes of my fellow gay-porn connoisseurs; at least those unfortunate enough to peruse my profile and discover the dismal numbers therein.

You see my friends, throughout the duration of my gaytor.rent membership, I have been inadvertently picking your porn-pockets, for all practical purposes. In my ignorance, I have consistently failed to "porn it forward."

And now I have been made aware of the distinct possibility of my banishment from this utopian community I have chosen to call home. In only 8 days, the negative homo-erotic karma I unwittingly sent out into the digital universe, will come back around, and glumly award me with the unthinkable consequences of my neglect…digital excommunication!.

That is why, in the interest of karmic balance, I offer my humble apology, especially to those most affected by my oblivious lechery; those who generously spewed forth hours of high-resolution, frolicking, naked, joyous, bouncing boy-rotica, only to see it sucked, kilobyte-by-kilobyte, into the bottomless pit of my hard-drive, never to return.

I beseach you not to judge an idiot by his ratio. I beg you to allow a certain poor, AVI-addicted junkie a chance to earn that coveted smiley-face next to his ratio number; a chance to atone for his leeching ways; a chance to regain the pornographic trust of his fellow wack-aholics; a chance to see the day when he can browse among you in this phallic paradise, BOTH heads held high, a full contributing member of an exclusive orgasmic community.

I am now trying earnestly to bring balance to this highly uneven equation, and achieve at least the minimum ratio before the advent of my scheduled disablement. Furthermore, I vow–on pain of permanent exile to the dark underworld of low-res, pixilated cockery--to go that extra bandwidth, and further refine the quality of my ratio. And at long last, byte-by-byte, those from whom I have taken so much, will at last see ratio-karmic harmony restored, and will at last regain the full measure of boy-euristic smut that I have kept from them.

Your humble, bumbling ass-monkey,

Sunmantis ;D