hi

i am a black chubby lad and I have been single for a few years to be honest i have given up dating because i felt not desired for the right reason but more of a fetich for some blocks because of my weight or my skin. I just want someone to want me for me, just quirky self and shyness.
I am not a 10 and would never be one and I am honest with myself and I wonder if I will ever meet someone right or I will just finish my life alone and no one cares about me.
I know that I have to deal with a lot past trauma and therapy is here for that and it is a long road ahead but sometime I am just tired of doing that road alone and just want someone but no anyone.

What should I do ?

Babe, there is someone out there for you.. but as much as you want it to happen, you also have to be OPEN to let it happen!

I had a friend when I was in my 20's - Asian, short, and quite overweight... he was always complaining that no one wanted HIM FOR HIM, overlooking his extra weight...

Truth be told, there were PLENTY of guys into him, but they didn't match HIS physical ideals!

I'm not saying this is you - but for my friend, it wasn't until another friend of ours - who was into him, but who was turned away one too many times had a "come to Jesus" moment with him that he started to change... they dated a while, and broke up... but I believe both found happiness shortly thereafter...

I will say this as well... sometimes you have to LET THE UNIVERSE WIN!

I have told this story way too many times, but I attended a house party (non-sexual) about 10 years ago. I was divorced (from a woman), and newly back "into" the gay scene (after 15 years, it was unrecognizable!)

I was in my mid-40's, bald-ish, and about 20 lbs over my "ideal" weight (personal ideal)... so I wasn't attracting a lot of attention. There was this other guy I really liked at the party - Tom - and I arranged to get his number... so I texted him a couple of days after the party...

A day later, I got a text from another number asking me to dinner... I assumed it was Tom... I showed up at the correct time, at the correct place - and this GORGEOUS, 6'3", 23 y/o Nubian GOD sat down... I was CERTAIN he was in the wrong place... I was embarrassed for him! He clearly thought I was someone else! Right?

Cut to the chase, David and I fell quickly and madly in love... to this day, the most passionate and "complete" man I've ever known! We had issues, and ours was a FIERY relationship - but it was the MOST REAL, and most intense interpersonal relationship I'd ever had, and likely ever will have!

Sadly, while we were engaged to be married, David came down with a MRSA infection in his chest. The ER misdiagnosed it - twice - and he passed because the infection had grown too bad before it was finally diagnosed and treated. I won't go into the details, but his death was 5 years ago now, and I still talk to him, dream about him, masturbate to memories of him... you get the idea...

The point: I would NEVER have "gone for" David - he was outta my league! WAY! WAY outta my league! But when the Universe put us together, we didn't think a second thought about our age difference. Much less our racial difference! I "fought" seeing David again at first: what would my kids think, what was I thinking, being with such a younger man - and later, was I crazy getting feelings for him?

I let the Universe in - and I had the time of my life while David was in it!

Be open to other people - NOT "your type"... and get out there! The Universe will send someone your way, but NOT to your doorstep!