They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

My clothes are like Billie Eilish songs.

I was really surprised when I found out that a kid made them.

Mother:  "I found bondage gear and fetish mags in Timmy's room!"

Father:  "Well, I'm no therapist, but I wouldn't spank him."

I wish the grass in my yard was emo…

…because then it would cut itself.

My parents always told me, “Just say no to drugs!”.

Well, If I’m talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.