...so you'll need a map and a shovel to find them.

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How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad?

Stab it 23 times.

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Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.

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Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

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There are four cows on a farm -- one mamma cow and three calves.

The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, “Momma, why is my name Rose?”

The momma cow replies, “Well, honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born.”

The second baby comes up and asks, “Momma, why is my name Daisy?”

The momma cow again replies:

"Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head."

The final baby walks over and says, “Huh ruh-buh duh!”

The momma cow says, “Shut up, Brick!”