How do I defuse this comment and make it understandable that we are both MEN so we both wear pants lol ?.

Eh, just tell 'em you switch it up every blood moon.

Sometimes that question really means "who makes all the important decisions in the relationship?" I find that line of questioning to be pretty telling. It shows me that they think straight relationships aren't ones based on teamwork and partnership. I would just reply in a way that shows your relationship is one that is based on those values.

Some people are trying to ask what happens in the bedroom. They think that gay relationships are made up of exclusive tops and exclusive bottoms, and they want to know which one you are.

If you think they might be asking for sexual details, how you respond is based on how comfortable you are with them as friends… My military buddies have heard a lot about my sex life because they were genuinely curious. But at the same time I am not as close with anyone as I am with them.

For people who don't need to hear all the details, I try to tactfully say something like, "what happens in the bedroom isn't supposed to be shared with others. It's not relevant the kinds of things we get up to under the sheets"