Hmmm…....

I definitely get what you guys are saying.
Just a couple things:

1. So hypothetically, if a big guy says he likes me and wants to go out on a date or something, and I'm not really into him because he is a big guy, is it best to just tell him outright? Because I know guys of many body types (skinny, muscular, etc etc) who do get sort of upset if someone tells them that they are not really into them.

2. I think most of the issues, similar to mine, arise from the "norms" that the society has placed on us. And I completely agree with @SemenDemon on this. A fat person could quite easily reject a skinny person because they are not sexually into them and get away with it, but if the situation was vice-versa, the society brings down hell on the skinny person, you know? That's pretty fucked up.

Like others have said there's nothing wrong about not attracted to a type, it's all in the delivery, I dislike people advertise on their profiles with "No Fat/old/race" etc. If you not attracted to someone you could just decline by telling him that you don't think you are compatible or simply telling him that he is not your type

:hug: Oh, c'mon! I am fat/big/plump/huge/whatever guy myself, so let me tell u few things:

1. Don't appologize at all about the way you feel, just don't be an ass. It's not even funny this need to be constantly socially/politicaly correct.
2. I am the lucky bastard that is not really one way or the other in anything, so I really like a lot of things, guys, or even gals,tho I still identify myself as a gay. It's good in one way, but brings many complications in another way. Really tough to find someone who likes me and I like him/her/ it/ whatever
3. There is no real need for you to feel guilty about not liking any type of guy. It just is. Almost like with an icecream. I love classic tastes, like vanilla, or chocollate, but I am really crazy about cococnut icecream, and that's really now available much. Should I feel guilty? Why on Earth
4. I know few guys that are fat, and skinny are real trun off for them, as well as some skinny that are turned off by skinnies. No shame in that. Be yourself and be good to everybody you can be. You may never know, I am more attracted to the skinnies/well built guys/but from time to time it really doesn't matter and I like some fatty boy because his combo of how he is, carries himself, acts is just that right combination. Just keep in mind, that the body is something to be enjoyed, but it really doesn't last that much and changes a lot. The real thing is the persona. Try to like that and enjoy what life brings your way.

Cheers :hug2:

thank you for that!

I've seen both men and women who are overweight but attractive and even healthy in a way. That is attractive. Slobs are not.

Well I got really fat in the last couple of years because I was stuck in a really shit town with nothing to do and no where to go.  I didn't have a car because I was use to living in a large system and using mass transit.  Then mass transit there was a fucking joke and shut down at 9pm and didn't even run on Sundays.

Plus I just had NOTHING in common with the people around me.  I tried hard to find friends and the one friend I made was generally anti-social.

I got out of that hell-hole earlier this year and am not in a place where there are a lot more places to go around me and access to Boston's major transit system.  Still do not have a car, though, and that does limit me; just can no longer afford one.  Still difficult to meet people I have anything in common with.

Health-wise, I'm watching my weight more and trying to loose the weight I put on in those 2 1/2 years.  Trying to exercise and just walk  around more because I lost some of my flexibility being in a tiny apartment in that zombie town.

And also health-wise, beyond being far too fat, my health is excellent.  Just saw my physician this month and everything came back fine to great.  Even with all this extra weight, my blood pressure is normal.  My body temperature is below average – usually between 97.8-98.4 -- but that is normal for me.

Thing is, when I am with others or with one person in particular, I usually feel great and have a good time.  It's just finding others -- or that special someone -- that has become such a major problem.

. . .

I also had that thought.  I have I am looking for guys between 20-40yo; I really would like to find a guy around 30.

The guys who stood me up were 26 to 51 yo.  Three of them were over 40.

I basically had to start looking at guys in their 40s and 50s about 15-20 years ago, because almost no one younger than 40 was ever interested.

(I should mention I have also tried gay younger-for-older sites as well and again run into this experience over and over.  There it tends to be talk, talk, talk, but when it comes to actually meeting, they never want to set something up.)

Almost all of the guys who look at my profile are older than me and that does not interest me at all.  Younger guys tend to be fems or CDs and that does not interest me either; I want a guy who is a guy.

Believe me, if I told you more about how I have searched, the more you would know how this is a pounding-my-head-against-a-brick-wall experience for me.  I even started a national literary group (that is still in existence 30 years later) to try to meet some guys and that didn't work.
. . .

Thank you for your message, buy I really do not have much hope anymore.  I'm 63 years old now.

I just spend about 10 days of a gay dating site sending messages to about 400 different guys and got back about 6 answers of those interested.  I spend a LOT of time writing messages to each and more.

I talked and chat with them each a fair amount and they were interesting in meeting so we sent up days and times to meet.  One guy even texted me that he would come down and meet in in about 2 hours.

Not one of them showed up.  Not only that but they have all ghosted me; they never called to tell me they were not coming.  None of them have answered my replied about why they did not come and about possibility meeting again.

One of these was with a "guy" who I had exchanged emails and had Skyped a good dead with – until I realized 1/2 through it was all a hoax.  A friend told me this was called "catfishing".

This is how my attempts to meet and date a guy constantly goes.  This has happened over and over again for DECADES now.  I cannot tell you the lengths I have gone to meet a guy to date.  And it is almost always the same.  They say they are interesting, we plan to meet, they never show up.

A few times I have meet a guy, well, some of them end it even before we have much of a chance to talk.

In some ways I think the worse one for me was about 10 years ago.  I was suppose to meet a guy for coffee.  I waited over an hour after he was suppose to show before I left.  I had called him several times to see if he was coming or not, but he never answered.  He never called me to tell me why he did come.

I tired to call a few times in the following days to see what happened but only ever got voice mail.  Finally, I asked a friend if I could use his phone to call and he said okay.  So I called this guy (from a different number) and he picked up at once.  I asked he why he never showed up and he said "I felt like doing something else."  Then he hung up.

Nowadays, if a guy doesn't show up -- which as I said is always -- I make one or two efforts to find out why and if they still might want to meet, but that is all.  Even as I send those messages, I know no one is going to reply.

I go through this like every 6-8 months.  I just completely burn out on trying to meet anyone and then months and months later I try again -- and they same shit happens.  No one shows up then I am ghosted.

I do understand you are trying to help me feel positive that I will meet someone.  But I stopped lying to myself about that long ago.

I make the effort because I REALLY want to find a partner.  But I do not fool myself to think that I will.

. . .

Hey…I don't really have much dating experience in general, so I definitely don't expect to give you any groundbreaking advice, but if there's one thing I've learnt that is so important, at least in my opinion, it's to NEVER LOSE HOPE!!
I don't think there's much else I can say atm

I just spend about 10 days of a gay dating site sending messages to about 400 different guys and got back about 6 answers of those interested.  I spend a LOT of time writing messages to each and more.

I talked and chat with them each a fair amount and they were interesting in meeting so we sent up days and times to meet.  One guy even texted me that he would come down and meet in in about 2 hours.

Not one of them showed up.  Not only that but they have all ghosted me; they never called to tell me they were not coming.  None of them have answered my replied about why they did not come and about possibility meeting again.

One of these was with a "guy" who I had exchanged emails and had Skyped a good dead with – until I realized 1/2 through it was all a hoax.  A friend told me this was called "catfishing".

This is how my attempts to meet and date a guy constantly goes.  This has happened over and over again for DECADES now.  I cannot tell you the lengths I have gone to meet a guy to date.  And it is almost always the same.  They say they are interesting, we plan to meet, they never show up.

A few times I have meet a guy, well, some of them end it even before we have much of a chance to talk.

In some ways I think the worse one for me was about 10 years ago.  I was suppose to meet a guy for coffee.  I waited over an hour after he was suppose to show before I left.  I had called him several times to see if he was coming or not, but he never answered.  He never called me to tell me why he did come.

I tired to call a few times in the following days to see what happened but only ever got voice mail.  Finally, I asked a friend if I could use his phone to call and he said okay.  So I called this guy (from a different number) and he picked up at once.  I asked he why he never showed up and he said "I felt like doing something else."  Then he hung up.

Nowadays, if a guy doesn't show up -- which as I said is always -- I make one or two efforts to find out why and if they still might want to meet, but that is all.  Even as I send those messages, I know no one is going to reply.

I go through this like every 6-8 months.  I just completely burn out on trying to meet anyone and then months and months later I try again -- and they same shit happens.  No one shows up then I am ghosted.

I do understand you are trying to help me feel positive that I will meet someone.  But I stopped lying to myself about that long ago.

I make the effort because I REALLY want to find a partner.  But I do not fool myself to think that I will.

. . .

I am a bear who finds other bears (and cubs) completely unattractive.

I prefer non-hairy or somewhat hairy men and thin to average to athletic builds.

One result of this, I realized, is that I do not have a good body image of myself – because since I am a bear and I don't find bears attractive, I do not find myself attractive.

I have longed realized that while my bear body is not one I find sexy, my body is attractive to some gay men who are NOT bears.  Fortunately, it does not seem to be very many guys who feel this way.

I am just so damn different from gay guys in general (for example, I have little interest in hookups), I have been looking for a possible partner for decades now with just no luck at all.

It is extremely depressing for me.
. . .

I really do feel for you that you are looking for a partner for decades but do not lose hope u dont know what is around the corner keep your hopes high and u will definitely find that special someone I was in your shoes but now I am happy with the love of my life … PLUS U SIR ARE SEXY THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE LIKE ME OUT THERE WHO LOVE BEARS so don't even say that you feel not attractive have a great day

I prefer non-hairy or somewhat hairy men and thin to average to athletic builds.

One result of this, I realized, is that I do not have a good body image of myself – because since I am a bear and I don't find bears attractive, I do not find myself attractive.

I have longed realized that while my bear body is not one I find sexy, my body is attractive to some gay men who are NOT bears.  Fortunately, it does not seem to be very many guys who feel this way.

I am just so damn different from gay guys in general (for example, I have little interest in hookups), I have been looking for a possible partner for decades now with just no luck at all.

It is extremely depressing for me.
. . .

I'm rarely if ever attracted to guys who are super skinny or super fat, though.

I might accept it if I fell in love with one but as for finding them attractive - no.