As a horny teen, I used really firm bananas a few times.  My parents didn't ever cook with cucumbers, so I made do.  I'd shave off the pointy ends with a knife, wrap it in a condom (which my school gave out), and go to town!

I think I actually prefer it to dildos!  Ha!  The dildos I've used all feel really rubbery and irritating against the skin.

So do I and my first timefucking  :bsex:

I think I actually prefer it to dildos!  Ha!  The dildos I've used all feel really rubbery and irritating against the skin.

cucumber, carrot, parsnip FTW :cum:

I do hate repeating myself but "nah" call me eggplants are in season, at least then maybe they would be good for something because I am fairly certain they are not intended for eating.

You should try it sometimes hahah

With a carrot?  Nah.  Call me when eggplants are in season.  :cheers:

;D don't do it like this guy at walmart: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz97VhhPaak

Is that what the kids these days refer to as an epic fail?  He seemed more uncomfortable than the cashier.

Also:  carrot, lube & condoms for under $4?  I may have to rethink everything.

If your mom is a baker- esp. if she's into artisinal bread- might have a variety of  rolling pins and there might be one or some that are solid one-piece jobs, tapered at the ends.

One other thing off the top of my head is there would be possibly hundreds of different things at a home maintenance store like Lowes or the Home depot, from hand rails down to dowels, pvc pipe. rubber pipe metal pipe.  There'll be an aisle that carries furniture hardware and a selection of furniture legs of every shape length and girth.  I forgot to mention it again with the rolling pins- just use a basic condom to cover whatever you're using to prevent splinters or rough surfaces and keeping the bread from smelling like ass.  :crazy2:

Although if you're in America, the cucumbers there are probably too big…. I've seen smaller ones in supermarkets before, but the ones I've seen were probably too small.

But if you're in Europe or something, cucumbers will probably be just the right size.

I have heard tales of certain vegetables working in a pinch. brush handles, remote controls and I once had a boss who would flip a chair over and use one of the legs while waiting for the guy drunk enough to willingly choose to be inside of him.  (Not bitter, he was nasty before I worked for him, during my employ and I presume still is to this day).

Someone who almost certainly wasn't me lost their anal cherry to a broom handle.

The right candle.

I should stop before I suggest a kitchen sink as well.

Plenty of straight guys I know have dildos to use on ladies.. or for ladies to use on them. If youre closeted you could just claim that's the reason.

Or you could hide it so they won't find it, I used to stash a lot of stuff in a teddy bear when I lived at home, the open seam was covered by it's clothes. I wouldn't go shoving foreign objects, that weren't purpose made for it, up there - they could have harmful plastics or varnish etc.

Actually this is a great advice. Get an accurate size dildo and hide it.
Or you could use your fingers, they're free and nobody suspects on it…

Or you could hide it so they won't find it, I used to stash a lot of stuff in a teddy bear when I lived at home, the open seam was covered by it's clothes. I wouldn't go shoving foreign objects, that weren't purpose made for it, up there - they could have harmful plastics or varnish etc.