In a Woody Allen movie, one of "the early funny ones," a woman compliments on his sexual performance and he modesty thanks her, saying " I practice when I'm home alone."

On the other hand, just as men have an architecture that allows them to pee almost anywhere at any time, boners arise spontaneously or can be raised by hand, either start providing all the readiness needed for a massage with a happy ending, whether outdoors, in a men's room, or anywhere else the urge appears and the horndog is brave enough.

And let's not forget another classic line from Woody Allen; "Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with somebody I LOVE"

At age 13, i had heard about this “jacking off,” barely knowing how babies are made. I also didn't know how MUCH stuff i would make and so, i sat on the toilet, with a copy of Jack and Jill magazine. My friend, 2 years older, told me to rub it end to end.

I sat there half bored and reading "The Fairy's Hairs," when I felt something like the urge to pee. I quickly turned around, fearful that I’d make a mess on the rug, and- facing the toilet, emitted half a teaspoon of wet stuff into the toilet.

"Hmmm," i thot, "is that all there is?"

That was Fri, 16 Mar 1951.  One week later, Saturday morning in bed, i had a dream. I saw a woman pushing a baby carriage down Broadway in Redwood City, California. I woke up with sticky stuff on my belly.

I said to myself, “Now I've started it. Now, I have to jack off every week.”

Skipping ahead 2 years, i found that the dam thing was up about an hour before i had planned on my next jerk. One Saturday, i mused: "What if, every time it stands up, i whip it?" By the end of the day, some 12 hours later, i was down to a cycle time of 12 minits.

And my penis hurt.

I've had a thousand triques, but still had plenty of time without a partner to play with and dependably whipped it daily till i hit my 70s. Then, two things happened:

1- Even tho i have the mental lust, and can get it up, i don't have the fluid accumulated in the prostate to actually SHOOT.

No shoot, no orgasm. I had to time myself. Every OTHER day worked till i was 75. Then, every third day.

2- Altho i was never "big," having a tool that hit 4 1/2" when up, i was now noticeably SHRINKING! It got to the point that there was nothing left to stroke. When at full attention, it was barely 2" long. When asleep, it went INSIDE!

Since the '50s, i had been getting off occasionally with a vibrator; specifically the massaging tool that some barbers used to have back in the day.  I'm not trying to promote this one; just using it as an example.

https://www.amazon.com/Oster-Professional-103-Stim-U-Lax-Massager/dp/B00107I9XM

With the proper porn to mentally stimulate me, i get the tiny tool to stand up. NOTE: this will work if I DON'T have it standing hard.

I understand that all of us have "G" spots. Mine is the area directly below the head, on the front. So, with Hunky bangin Dunky going at it on the screen, vibrator clamped to my hand, i stroke slowly from the tip to the base. Note that I say FROM the tip TO the base. It's not like milking a cow. This downward pressure is very stimulating; the stroke from the base back to the tip is just a recovery movement.

Another thing i learned in my old age is the affect of FAT. I have a huge fat gut hanging down there. With the rite hand on the tool, vibrating away, I put the fingers of my left hand at the base of my tool  and pull the fat up, away. This last part- displacing that fat has a very positive affect on orgasm.

Using these two techniques- vibration and displacement- i can shoot 6" in the air every 3 days or dribble in 1-2 days.

1. you have to be male. important!

2. you have to have a penis. important!

3. you have to know how to masturbate. important!

4. ????

5. profit!

Oh well, c'est la vie.  :dick:

@andymyn:

not all orgasms are created equally

I want that on a poster and on a T-shirt

Me too!  :love:

@andymyn:

not all orgasms are created equally

I want that on a poster and on a T-shirt

;D  Nice one!

@andymyn:

not all orgasms are created equally

I want that on a poster and on a T-shirt

lol