1. Just changed my Facebook name to ‘No one' so when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say ‘No one likes this'.

2. I once farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels.

3. Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level, and then beat you with experience.

4. Doctor: You're overweight. Patient: I think I want a second opinion. Doctor: You're also ugly.

5. How can you kill an stupid person with a coin? Throw it in front of an oncoming bus.

6. I’ve just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome.
The first couple of chapters were awful, but by the end I loved it.

7. My pencil isn’t prone to making Freudian Slips, but my penis.

8. The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his chest.