many would argue an experience happier than the one being lived by someone who is not out. However, because you are not out, you are happy but know no different and so you can't truly gage your happiness vis-a-vis being out. Only those who are out can truly say they are happier than if they were not or that they were happier when they weren't out because they have experienced both states. Your current state of happiness is only relative to what you know, and as you don't know how much happier/unhappier you would be if you were out, to say you are happy in a definitive sense is somewhat self-misleading.

I am not intended to compare my happiness with someone else's happiness. I am not either intended to say I am happier than people who come out.  ^-^. Live with your choice and be happy. Come out if you think it is worth it. Every choice have consequences. No matter what it is, you can be happy if you can deal with those consequences. No gauge for sure. but, for me, happiness will arise when I love myself, respect myself as I am. No gauge but I can feel it. And I hope You are happy, no matter your choice is. No need to compare, I guess.

Now I think I don't need to tell. Like one has said, it is none of their business. I don't tell, I don't deny. It is my personal thing. People has personal things.

If coming out make this life change into the life where I can hold my boy friend in public without people starring at us, my family are welcome when my boyfriend visit them, my straight friends are OK when I kiss my boyfriend in front of them, I will do that for sure. But it won't happen. So I choose to go on my romance and my sexual life happily and personally.

i have been wondering what is comin out … is it telling family and frends that you are gay .?
i have never told any of my family or straight friends that i'm gay..... but i have been dating guyz for 5 yrs now, and had been in 2 relationships ... and that works for me, my best frend also duxnt knw im gay ... i have managed somehow to live a happy.

Necessary? No.
Worthwhile? Perhaps.

All I can say, that in my opinion you dont need to "come out", you need to "not hide".
Someone asks if youre gay / bi / whatsoever - say yes.
You have a new boyfriend? Tell it to your friend!
I can't guarantee you will have always a positive response, but believe me, the true friends will be shown.

i am still in the closet and i dont feel the slightest weight being carried. if at all, i just find it annoying when ppl try to set me up with some random woman. at that point i wish i can tell i am gay. but that means they might start setting me up with random man. which is also sthing i dont want.

guess its to each his own. having said that - have had gay guys tell me that i should come out and be visible and not hide. annoying as f***.

"Is coming out necessary at all?" Abstractly, the answer should be: no; in a perfect world, people don't care about one's sexual preference. Unfortunately, heteronormativity is really strong in the real world, implying that most people around you expect you to be straight and sometimes even want you to be straight. This results in not feeling free to express homosexual feelings, what most people experience when they are still in the closet.
Also, socially, the answer is: no. If one can cope with less freedom around loved ones (family, friends), and seperate this part of one's life completely from the 'homosexual part' (for a undefinite time), a coming out is not necessary. However, most people cannot endure this, and chose either for a coming out, either for a full seperation from family and the old friends.

Some people find that they need to tell others about themselves and whom they sleep with or are attractive to. Other find that it is nobodies business but their own.

Really does any other group of people stand up and say who they are attracted to and whom they wish to sleep with.

Why live the hetero lie?

There's a difference between not coming out and living a lie.

imagine: you date guys, you introduce your boyfriends to your friends and family - but you never sit anyone down and reveal "the big secret"
want to know what happens? absolutely nothing. Nobody gives a damn that you're gay because you don't give a damn. it's 2015 and it's completely normal.

being gay isn't unusual and it doesn't make you special, so we should stop treating it so, then everyone else will follow suit. You don't have to "come out" to be open and proud of who you are, it's really not that big of deal.

Why live the hetero lie?

There are plenty of situation in which it is necessary or more comfortable from being the child of a hardcore conservative catholic to living in a town or country where it is illegal or so taboo that violence could result. Living the Hetero lie is not always because you feel shame or your in the closet it might simply be a logical decision.

At this risk of revealing too much personal information, here's part of my life story:

I've known I felt urges towards other boys for pretty much all my life.  I remember having a huge crush on a boy at age 6 in grade one. I somehow also knew for all my life that other people didn't always accept that I liked boys, so I sought to control who knew and/or who found out.  I didn't tell anyone myself prior to meeting my first love interest.  And what I told him was:  I'm curious to explore these feelings, but I don't want anyone else to know.

I think it hurt him deeply, over our four year relationship, that I didn't want anyone to know how we felt about each other.  My not being out to my parents while still living at home, denied him full inclusion into my family at special occasions (such as family dinners for birthday parties and special days like Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas.)  He was there, yes, but the reason for him being there was never disclosed, and I always had another person there, a woman, to cover.   (She was actually older, closer in age to my mother, and I suspect my mom may have thought, for a time, I was a cougar chaser  :blink: )  In the end, my not being out ended our relationship…  or was a major stress factor that heavily contributed to the breakup.

Shortly after we broke up, I came out to my mom.  On "National Coming Out Day" no less.       It took me quite a while to spit out the words to my mom...  and in the process she was kinda worried about what I was trying to say.  When I finally got it out... she said:  Is that all??  I was worried you'd killed someone or something!  (I think she was joking... but her point was unmistakable:  I was still her son and she was going to accept me as I was.)

Since that time, I have still tired to control who knows.  Maybe I am a control freak, or maybe I don't want people gossiping about me...  to this day I still don't know why I care who knows?!?  I do know I was fired from a job, more or less because of it, although of course they didn't say that when they said "Nick, it's just not working out..." after 3 years of nothing but great feedback but shortly after they found out about my sexuality.  There are still many days when I think I am treated differently because of it...  but the truth is even if I didn't tell them, they'd probably still suspect and treat me differently if that was their inclination.  The older you get, the harder it gets for others to not see something different about you.  (Than the supposed 90% of society that is not GBLTQ.)

So the long and the sort of it... for me is this.  You HAVE to come out to yourself.  Say the words "I'm gay" (or bi or whatever) to yourself in private...  learn to accept yourself.  When you're comfortable with that...  decide if you want to tell anyone else...  but if you do, be prepared to help them realize why you want them to know... so they can accept you as you have accepted yourself.

I really adore what NickGWM mentioned here and fully agree to it… and for this words, I really would like to hold him in my arms for a moment ( nonono... there is no sexual meaning to that ^^ )  :hug:

At this risk of revealing too much personal information, here's part of my life story:

I've known I felt urges towards other boys for pretty much all my life.  I remember having a huge crush on a boy at age 6 in grade one. I somehow also knew for all my life that other people didn't always accept that I liked boys, so I sought to control who knew and/or who found out.  I didn't tell anyone myself prior to meeting my first love interest.  And what I told him was:  I'm curious to explore these feelings, but I don't want anyone else to know.

I think it hurt him deeply, over our four year relationship, that I didn't want anyone to know how we felt about each other.  My not being out to my parents while still living at home, denied him full inclusion into my family at special occasions (such as family dinners for birthday parties and special days like Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas.)  He was there, yes, but the reason for him being there was never disclosed, and I always had another person there, a woman, to cover.   (She was actually older, closer in age to my mother, and I suspect my mom may have thought, for a time, I was a cougar chaser  :blink: )  In the end, my not being out ended our relationship…  or was a major stress factor that heavily contributed to the breakup.

Shortly after we broke up, I came out to my mom.  On "National Coming Out Day" no less.       It took me quite a while to spit out the words to my mom...  and in the process she was kinda worried about what I was trying to say.  When I finally got it out... she said:  Is that all??  I was worried you'd killed someone or something!  (I think she was joking... but her point was unmistakable:  I was still her son and she was going to accept me as I was.)

Since that time, I have still tired to control who knows.  Maybe I am a control freak, or maybe I don't want people gossiping about me...  to this day I still don't know why I care who knows?!?  I do know I was fired from a job, more or less because of it, although of course they didn't say that when they said "Nick, it's just not working out..." after 3 years of nothing but great feedback but shortly after they found out about my sexuality.  There are still many days when I think I am treated differently because of it...  but the truth is even if I didn't tell them, they'd probably still suspect and treat me differently if that was their inclination.  The older you get, the harder it gets for others to not see something different about you.  (Than the supposed 90% of society that is not GBLTQ.)

So the long and the sort of it... for me is this.  You HAVE to come out to yourself.  Say the words "I'm gay" (or bi or whatever) to yourself in private...  learn to accept yourself.  When you're comfortable with that...  decide if you want to tell anyone else...  but if you do, be prepared to help them realize why you want them to know... so they can accept you as you have accepted yourself.

:true:
:hapgay:

I've known I felt urges towards other boys for pretty much all my life.  I remember having a huge crush on a boy at age 6 in grade one. I somehow also knew for all my life that other people didn't always accept that I liked boys, so I sought to control who knew and/or who found out.  I didn't tell anyone myself prior to meeting my first love interest.  And what I told him was:  I'm curious to explore these feelings, but I don't want anyone else to know.

I think it hurt him deeply, over our four year relationship, that I didn't want anyone to know how we felt about each other.  My not being out to my parents while still living at home, denied him full inclusion into my family at special occasions (such as family dinners for birthday parties and special days like Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas.)  He was there, yes, but the reason for him being there was never disclosed, and I always had another person there, a woman, to cover.   (She was actually older, closer in age to my mother, and I suspect my mom may have thought, for a time, I was a cougar chaser  :blink: )  In the end, my not being out ended our relationship…  or was a major stress factor that heavily contributed to the breakup.

Shortly after we broke up, I came out to my mom.  On "National Coming Out Day" no less.       It took me quite a while to spit out the words to my mom...  and in the process she was kinda worried about what I was trying to say.  When I finally got it out... she said:  Is that all??  I was worried you'd killed someone or something!  (I think she was joking... but her point was unmistakable:  I was still her son and she was going to accept me as I was.)

Since that time, I have still tired to control who knows.  Maybe I am a control freak, or maybe I don't want people gossiping about me...  to this day I still don't know why I care who knows?!?  I do know I was fired from a job, more or less because of it, although of course they didn't say that when they said "Nick, it's just not working out..." after 3 years of nothing but great feedback but shortly after they found out about my sexuality.  There are still many days when I think I am treated differently because of it...  but the truth is even if I didn't tell them, they'd probably still suspect and treat me differently if that was their inclination.  The older you get, the harder it gets for others to not see something different about you.  (Than the supposed 90% of society that is not GBLTQ.)

So the long and the sort of it... for me is this.  You HAVE to come out to yourself.  Say the words "I'm gay" (or bi or whatever) to yourself in private...  learn to accept yourself.  When you're comfortable with that...  decide if you want to tell anyone else...  but if you do, be prepared to help them realize why you want them to know... so they can accept you as you have accepted yourself.